I welcome my old friend Tara Garrison to the show to have an inspiring discussion about her incredible weight loss and health journey, her unique and challenging experience growing up (she struggled with her weight, her parents struggled financially, and she grew up in a dysfunctional family that was also in a cult), and the health retreats she leads.
Tara, a health and fitness coach, has such an interesting story and perspective, and she shares so much during this conversation that will motivate and inspire you to make positive changes in your life, no matter what circumstances you are currently facing. Tara talks about how she changed her body, her health, and her mindset, shares how she gained self-awareness, self-worth, and confidence despite her difficult early circumstances, explains why she sees being overwhelmed as symptomatic of carrying a victim mindset, and more!
Visit Tara’s website here, and click here to follow her on Instagram and YouTube.
TIMESTAMPS:
Even though she was an overweight child, Tara ran marathons. She tells her story of evolving into a health and fitness coach from a stifling religious childhood. [01:18]
She went from 40 percent body weight to 11 percent when she became obsessed with fitness and changed her nutrition [03:48]
Some people fall on the spectrum of proving that they are good enough through how their body looks. [09:23]
There are all these things that come into our life, but owning our reactions, our thoughts, our behaviors, our response to those things, that’s all we can really control. [10:54]
Once you know your worth, then you actually start to contribute from a place of alignment. [16:30]
It is a form of being selfish when you are just giving and giving and running yourself ragged. [21:13]
Did her distancing herself from the cult and dysfunctional family give her more ability to develop self-awareness? [28:49]
When Tara slips from her self-confident position, what does she do to recalibrate? [35:55]
What Tara began to change her diet, she used keto. [41:15]
How was she able to qualify for running Boston? Muscles store carbs. It is easier to stay thin if you have more storage tanks. [47:06]
In the process of getting fit, you learn to respect your body and regulate your hunger and satiety. [51:00]
There is a lot of stress for women as they are expected to be all things to all people. It is so easy to overdo as you try to prove something. [53:32]
We should check in with ourselves every day because it is so easy to be overwhelmed and not realize it until the stress takes its toll. [01:00:30]
What are Tara’s retreats like? [01:04:02]
LINKS:
- Brad Kearns.com
- Brad’s Shopping page
- B.rad Whey Protein Isolate Superfuel (Now Available in Cocoa Bean)
- Short Term Keto
- Tara Garrison Inside Out
LISTEN:
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B.Rad Podcast:
Brad (00:00:00):
Welcome to the B Rad podcast, where we explore ways to pursue peak performance with passion throughout life without taking ourselves too seriously. I’m Brad Kearns, New York Times bestselling author, former number three, world ranked professional triathlete and Guinness World Record Masters athlete. I connect with experts in diet, fitness, and personal growth, and deliver short breather shows where you get simple, actionable tips to improve your life right away. Let’s explore beyond the hype hacks, shortcuts, and sciencey. Talk to laugh. Have fun and appreciate the journey. It’s time to B.rad.
Brad (00:00:42):
Tara Garrison, my old friend, and I can’t believe it’s taken this long to get you on the podcast because I love your energy and your enthusiasm and your message so much. And you have the greatest Instagram. We’re gonna talk about your coaching offerings, your retreats, but ladies and gentlemen, here she is. We’re ready to hit it hard.
Tara (00:01:01):
Thank you so much, Brad and everything right back at you. And it’s an honor, you know, I remember reading some of your books back in the day and it’s just been cool to meet you and just, you’re so real and genuine, and I know your listeners love you, so I’m excited to just jump in with you and I’m really grateful to be here. Thanks for having me.
Brad (00:01:18):
It’s all about your gratitude and your living in the present and, uh, working through anything that comes up. And I want listeners to become acquainted with your quite interesting background, especially the challenging parts that would, I think, you know, people can relate ’cause it’s hard to relate to a movie star who’s just goods and glamor. But when we see you kicking butt, you know, you’re at the top of the heap in the fitness world and you have everything together and you’re kicking butt and you’re super fit and you’re hosting these amazing retreats and their life changing in Hawaii. But maybe we should start with how you <laugh> traveled this journey into the health and fitness and coaching space that you’re now on and what you had to overcome along the way.
Tara (00:02:04):
Hmm. Yeah. I forget about that sometimes, honestly. Now I’m, so, I’m in, it’s been a lot of work and I’m in such a good place, but yeah, I’m like, oh, yeah. Oh yeah, it was, I went to hell and back a few times to get here, you know. The quick summary is grew up very poor, very hard home life, was overweight starting in third grade. Grew up in a very dominating religion, I would say. Basically a cult. Just completely bought into that lying and seeker. And I was living that life and thought I was really happy. Mm-hmm. Uh, got married at 20 years old. Four kids, stay at home, mom, all that. Had a hard time losing weight after my fourth, uh, I always ran, my mom was a big time runner, kind of a pioneer in women’s running. Went to the Olympic trials in 1968.
Tara (00:02:49):
And so even though I was chubby, I actually ran for fun, which was really weird back when I was a kid. But that’s what we did. There were no gyms. So I ended up, um, running marathons and things and then, you know, trying to lose the baby weight after my fourth, and it just wasn’t working. That was the biggest I had ever been. I’m five, six and a half. I was about 175 pounds and without muscle. Right. So you can imagine that just kind of the image of that. And I was running full marathons and just wasn’t just
Brad (00:03:18):
So you were in, you were in fantastic shape running marathons. Mm-hmm.
Tara (00:03:22):
<affirmative>,
Brad (00:03:22):
Uh, with that physique.
Tara (00:03:24):
Yeah. Yep.
Brad (00:03:25):
Um, let’s pause there and how that, how the hell is that possible? And we know how common it is, so it wasn’t like you had some weird metabolism, but, um, yeah, that’s, that, that’s, I think maybe people don’t, uh, fully appreciate how the big picture is necessary to, to get your metabolic health right. And running 26.2 isn’t quite a automatic solution.
Tara (00:03:48):
Nope. Because I hadn’t changed my nutrition. I wasn’t lifting weights, you know, it was just the typical like mom runner who’s just powering through and making it happen and, you know, eating standard American diet. So, um, I, after that, I kind of went through like some life trauma, which I’ll just, I basically, in a nutshell, I’ll say that I was going through some marriage problems that created a lot o. Untrue stories about my body not being good enough. And so I went into that very toxic, overly obsessed, you know, trauma response type thing with fitness that people get into,. You know, and I’m grateful I went on that part of my journey ’cause it helps me relate to those people now. But, I picked up weightlifting and so it was like this weird mixed journey of kind of being in a trauma response, not good enough, you know, that kinda stuff. And also at the same time, like, oh my gosh, this is freaking cool. Like, this is amazing. Learning about the body. I mean, biomechanics, like, wow, like, I kind of fell in love. So it was this kind of dual thing happening at the same time. Because I was so obsessed probably from the trauma response part, <laugh>, um, I ended up in like a little less than a year and a half going from probably close to 40% body fat, I would guess to 11% in like jacked and then six
Brad (00:05:06):
Back.
Tara (00:05:06):
Yep. Super lean, you know, and, um, with a cool thing about that, even though, yeah, now I’m not quite that lean. I try not to be that lean <laugh>. But the cool thing was my running got really good too, right? Like, so I was stuck. I could, I wanted to qualify for Boston for, I just couldn’t, and I kept missing my nine minutes almost exactly after I changed all my nutrition. And obviously losing, you know, 40 pounds and completely changing your body composition, you’re gonna be a little bit of a different runner. So I knocked half an hour off of my marathon time right after doing that, qualified for Boston. Ended up running it in ketosis as a little experiment at that time and my journey. But the cool thing was, like, for me, uh, yeah, I had kind of that trauma, and I always say like, sometimes I feel like our dark times are portals into our purpose.
Tara (00:05:54):
And so, yeah, I went through that dark time, but I l there was also so much beauty. I changed my nutrition, my brain started working all the way, is what it felt like. I became more confident. And that’s just ’cause my body looked different. It was, I knew that my brain was operating at full tilt because I wasn’t eating McDonald’s anymore. You know, like, I was like, something is not, I am different. Wow. Like, I felt like I was like fully online for the first time in my life. And so, um, I ended up, I did, I did get divorced, which was a healthy move for me in my life. And everything’s all good in the hood now, but, you know, that was scary. I left that religion, I lost, everyone I knew started life over for literally everyone. Even like, my family wasn’t there, you know, it was a lot, you know, I had to really start over kind of re-pattern everything.
Tara (00:06:44):
Like I didn’t, my whole structure for life was so dominated by that religion that when I got out, I didn’t know what I thought about anything. So, I mean, I really started fresh, just was at 32, 33 years old. Yeah. So, and then I just fell in love with, just fell. I just became so grateful for my body, um, was gratefully wonderfully gifted. A lot of healing in my path, right? So I was able to find that healing and relationship with my body that’s so beautiful. Now it’s gratitude. You know, I don’t have these expectations on aesthetics and all this stuff, but I’m so grateful for that low that I went through multiple lows, um, because I really found I my true self in that path coming out of it. Right. And now I just brings me so much joy to help other people kind of like lean, lend a hand back. And it’s like, dude, if you can get your body online and your mindset into a healthy place and your relationship with yourself and your body into a healthy place, you just start thriving. You know? And so that’s kind of the summary of, you know, almost a decade of my life, <laugh>.
Brad (00:07:47):
So what you were describing there was this, uh, white, dysfunctional and negative motivation Yeah. That you were made to feel not good enough by your romantic partner, and that’s what got you into the gym and got you determined to drop the excess weight.
Tara (00:08:03):
Well, it wasn’t really him, it was my story, but his, some of his actions, yes. So
Brad (00:08:08):
He contributed to the, um,
Tara (00:08:10):
The
Brad (00:08:10):
Dysfunction. But, um,
Tara (00:08:12):
He didn’t mean to, I made up that, you know what I mean? That was never really the case. And I’ll tell, you know, for any women or men that are going through some sort of relationship trauma where they feel like they’re not good enough, that’s not it <laugh>, but,
Brad (00:08:23):
Oh, you’re not to, you’re not blaming, you’re blaming outside of yourself.
Tara (00:08:29):
No, no. Even
Brad (00:08:29):
Though they’re not, not being, not necessarily being super supportive, but you’re owning it, is what I’m getting.
Tara (00:08:36):
Yeah, yeah. Well, it just really wasn’t true. Like, he ended up getting remarried and, you know, she wasn’t like super bean pole skinny. She wasn’t, you know, she’s beautiful, but like, that wasn’t ever a thing that wasn’t the problem. You know what I mean? I wasn’t the problem, honestly. That was his own stuff that he was dealing with, you know? But I made it my problem ’cause of my people pleasing codependency, all this stuff that I didn’t know I had going on. It was like, oh, I’ll fix it. And it’s like, it wasn’t even about me, but I’m grateful that I had this, this, uh, it, when the pain is so deep, it’s very common to get almost obsessed with proving that you’re not the thing that you fear, you are. Right. So we see this with success. Somebody’s got some wound that, you know, dad says you’re never gonna amount to nothing, and they gotta prove that they will amount to everything, you know?
Tara (00:09:23):
Or it’s very common with the body. I’d say most people have some, they’re somewhere on the spectrum of proving that they are good enough through how their body looks. And I’ve been on such a deep healing journey with that one. Like, it’s something I love to talk about now, because it’s, yeah, I don’t care. I mean, I mean, I do care. I will say, you know, I like to do my hair and I wear makeup, you know, it’s fun to style myself and be, it’s like artistic expression, but in terms of how my body looks, that’s not, my relationship is so deep with my body now. I I just actually laid down right before this, and I just thanked my body, like, thank you for so much. Um, like, everything that you do, you know, and I give it rest and, and it’s like, let’s lay down for a second. It’s been, you worked out, you’ve done
Brad (00:10:10):
Work
Tara (00:10:10):
Today. Like lemme give you 10 minutes. So just chill, you know? So it’s really loving relationship that anyone can get to. Just, sometimes we need a little introduction of just even that way of thinking, right? Because the world is telling you you’re not good enough. The world is, people get on social media and they’re like, I wanna look like that chick, or I don’t wanna look like that guy, or I wanna run as fast as him, or I wanna be like them, or I wanna be as successful as her or him, or all this stuff. You know? And there’s a path outta that. There’s a path outta that. And I found it, and I’m really freaking grateful, beyond grateful.
Brad (00:10:42):
So, do you ever feel misunderstood at this point, because you are that aspirational person with the six pack and doing the incredible workouts and physical performance?
Tara (00:10:54):
You know, it’s funny, I just set a call with all my clients today, and we were talking about, um, boundaries around like, well, ownership that we’re choosing everything that comes into our arena, right? So I was talking about Stephen Covey’s Circle of Influence, which just means like, yes, there are all these things that come into our life, but owning our reactions, our thoughts, our behaviors, our response to those things, that’s all we can really control. And I told him, I was like, you know, social media. A friend of mine who does similar work as me on social media, we were talking about this once, and we were just like, it was just a no BS conversation. We’re like, people are in such victim mindsets around social media. They’re choosing to be on there, they’re choosing every single account they follow, they’re on TikTok, and
Brad (00:11:40):
Then complaining all the way. How terrible. It’s
Tara (00:11:42):
That algorithm is based on what you’re watching and paying
Brad (00:11:45):
Attention to <laugh>.
Tara (00:11:46):
So I’m like, it’s just a mirror. You’re, and you’re choosing it, you know, all
Brad (00:11:49):
I see are these big, rich show offs driving their Ferraris. Wait, how come? That’s all I see <laugh>, right? Why
Tara (00:11:55):
Isn’t that popping up on your feet? And why didn’t you say, I don’t like this? Or unfollow, or, you know, <laugh>. So it’s social media. It’s like, keep comparing myself. It’s like it is a mirror to show you that you’re choosing to do that a lot.
Brad (00:12:06):
Dang.
Tara (00:12:07):
But I told my clients to answer your question, I was like, you know, I was like, maybe that’s how some of y’all found me, because you were comparing yourself to me, you know? And I’m like, but that’s cool. I’m grateful for that. ’cause now we’re gonna get, now you hired me, we’re gonna get outta that <laugh>. We’re not doing that game anymore. You know? So, um, I like to, I guess how I feel about it, and I sit with social media a lot. I do, because I spend a lot of time in silence and in presence. Um, and some, I felt com conflicted in the past of like, am I contributing to pulling people outta present? You know, am I contributing to that? And, and I’ve sat with it and I’ve learned a couple things. One is I only share if it’s coming from the goodness of my heart.
Tara (00:12:48):
Two, it’s not my job. That’s their responsibility of how they manage their time. And three, um, I hope that I can be a light. I hope that, like the way I see it is that I kind of meet people where they’re at in the ego. You know? It’s like my most popular videos will be like, how to get bigger side down or, you know mm-hmm. <affirmative>, stuff like that, which is like cool. It’s a very small thing in the grand scheme of things. <laugh> mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, but I meet people with what they want. Most people come on social media and they just want fitness advice and how to get bigger side delts and how to eat and how to lose weight. And, and I give ’em that. And that’s important too, you know, that’s fun and that’s cool. And there’s value to share there.
Tara (00:13:32):
But I like to <laugh>. I like to, uh, once people, you know, work with me, it’s like, I’m gonna show you a whole nother way. Like, it’s, it’s not, it’s not about the meal plan and the, and the, that, that’s cool. It’s good to, to nourish your body and learn how to eat appropriately and to, you know, have a healthy body composition and hit some intensity levels. That’s part of it. You know? But that’s like scratching the surface on happiness, you know? I mean, that’s just like a little extra kind of thing. But I kind of meet ’em where they’re at, and then you go where they, we pull ’em into like, this is what health really is, you know, is like l observing yourself and your own patterns and how you relate to yourself and others. And, you know, being grateful, looking, getting out in nature, choosing things that bring joy.
Tara (00:14:18):
You know, learning how to have healthy boundaries and stop pointing the finger at others and, and look at yourself and how you’re responding to, to life, to others, you know? So, um, that was a huge move for me when I pulled mindset coaching. ’cause I just couldn’t, not into my coaching. ’cause I’m not trying to talk about my coaching, but just kind of how I operate. Like, um, health is really, you know, fitness strategies and eating. Those are helpful. They are, they’re helpful pieces, but they’re small pieces when it comes to truly being healthy and happy. You know, there’s so much more to it than that. <laugh>,
Brad (00:14:54):
It sounds like you went through the, the very same exercise yourself where Yeah. You started to get your diet, uh, dialed in. You started to go and lift some weights and dedicate yourself to fitness. But with this, uh, I’ll prove everybody wrong mindset or whatever the, the negative things that were, that were still getting you to the gym and getting you to make the right choices at meals. But then, um, it seems like somewhere, um, a lot of people hit that fork in the road where the logistics are in place, they are punching the right, uh, buttons, and then the mindset is stuck back in the, I’ll prove everybody wrong or whatever. And they either get a bunch of superficial results and, and look great, but, you know, the happiness isn’t there. Or they struggle and it, it’s so common to see the, the fallout and the attrition from the, the ranks of devoted healthy eating enthusiasts and, and fitness aspirants.
Tara (00:15:53):
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you’ll get temporary if your mindset is that once I earn, once I get to this level, then I’ll love myself, then I’ll be happy. And you, and you achieve it. ’cause you can’t, ’cause the greater the pain is and the greater the desire to prove that you are that mm-hmm. The more likely, you know, you’ll get there if it, because it’s like I have to, right? Mm-hmm. Some people, it’s like, um, it, you’ll get temporary, a temporary sense of like, yeah, I’m awesome. Look at me, I did it. You know, you’ll get, that’ll be temporary. But eventually you get to a point where you realize you’re in what I call dingling carrot syndrome. <laugh>.
Brad (00:16:30):
Yeah.
Tara (00:16:30):
And your way of being is like, happiness is always a little further away from where I am now. Right. And I used to be that I used to be so deeply entrenched in that of like, I’ll never be satisfied. Like, I called it gross, you know? Oh, I’m just growing. I’m just, you know.
Brad (00:16:46):
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Tara (00:16:47):
<laugh>,
Brad (00:16:47):
I mean, you know, we’re socialized to be that way. Yeah. Uh, and we, we romanticize, Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant, and how after they won Game seven, and Tom Brady, was, you know, glamorized that, on the plane flight home, he was texting his trainer about, uh, the Wednesday morning workout at the training facility after winning Super Bowl Sunday. And it’s like, wow, that guy’s so dedicated and focused. He wants to win the Super Bowl the next season too. But it’s like, wait a second. You know,
Tara (00:17:16):
What,
Brad (00:17:16):
What’s the impact of that message on, you know, on humanity?
Tara (00:17:21):
Well, and, and it really, to me, it really depends on like, is that affecting your own sense of if you’re good enough or not, right? Like, is it in a, affecting your internal sense of value as a human being? Like if you’re, if that’s in place and you’re like, no, like I know I’m good enough and because I’m good enough, I’m more than, more than good enough, then I just, you just want to do those things. It’s more like for fun, for entertainment. But there’s a different way of going about it that I find most people are going about it. And it’s, that will mean I’m good enough. I’m not good enough until I achieve X, X, X, X, X. And that is the message from the world. Right? And so, but there’s a different way. And, and what I find is a, a really tricky energy in that is that most people have only ever used pressure as a way to motivate themselves and not good enough as a way to motivate themselves.
Tara (00:18:19):
So they’re afraid that if they take that away, they think taking that away means they’re gonna be become this complacent slob Yeah. Who never does anything. And just, I always tell my clients like they’re just sitting on the team watching TV and they’re 450 pounds and they got Dorito pros all over their chest and milkshakes, fast food, whatever that, but really though, like, that’s kind of, I’m exaggerating, but the, that it is that energy, if I stop pressuring myself to mm-hmm. Do better, be better, that’s the fear. That’s what they’re running from is some version of that in whatever way, shape, or form. And what I have found is then not what happens when you start knowing your internal value, no matter what. Like, you could go sit in the desert on a boulder and just know your worth without having to prove it, without having to contribute, without having to do anything.
Tara (00:19:06):
You just know that’s when you truly start to contribute. Because everything else that’s not in that energy is actually selfish. It’s actually contributing in the energy of getting, ’cause it’s like, see, I’m good now, right? Because I give, and I contribute and I’m awesome. Like Right, right, right? But until that internal value system is just like, I could just lay next to a river in the mountains and know my freaking worth until that’s there, you’re, you’re actually kind of taking it away. And people are, it’s tricky. ’cause you can fool yourself too. It’s like, no, I’m not like, look how much goodness I’m bringing to the world. But if you can’t go lay by that river and just know your same worth without helping anybody, without contributing, without being somebody, without having an identity and all that stuff, there’s a energy underneath of that in which you are taking, you know?
Tara (00:19:54):
And so to me, once you know your worth, once you fully know your worth, and it takes a lot of work these days to get to that place. But when you totally know it, that’s when you actually start to contribute from a place of alignment. Right. Because you don’t have to, you don’t feel like you have to anymore to, to feel worthy or valuable. You just want to, because you’re coming from that high frequency aligned place. And that’s, that’s, that’s how I operate now. And it, it takes a lot of silence. It takes a lot of observing. What’s, what’s taken away from my energy? What’s contributing to it? What feels high frequency? You know, there’s little tendrils like, Tara, come do this. Make all the money, you know? And no, I’m not doing that. I just, that doesn’t feel aligned. So, no, thank you. You know, and so it’s been a journey, but you get to that place by being in silence a lot, honestly. And silence a lot. Receiving help, coaches, therapists, mentors. Mm-hmm. Being unhealthy energy, people going out in nature. Right. Tapping in, meditating, like doing that work and observing yourself. Like, it’s so cool. ’cause you just, I just lift and eat healthy. ’cause I want to not, ’cause I’m trying to prove something anymore. And it’s a really wonderful place to be.
Brad (00:21:13):
I think I would like you to repeat that statement so that we can fully understand that it is a form of being selfish when, you know, just giving and giving and running yourself ragged. Like we have the stereotypical soccer mom, uh, with four kids who’s running marathons and trying to align to the, the religious culture and, and all those things that are wake up every morning at 4:47 AM and it’s, it’s game on. And all you’re doing is, is giving out energy and trying to make the world a better place. But the part that’s missing makes you selfish. That’s a heavy insight. And I think it also comes up with the overtrained athlete. Yeah.
Brad (00:21:59):
Where, Um, you, there’s, you know, there’s no way, I am not the most disciplined, motivated competitor ’cause I’m running a hundred miles a week. And I’m proving Well, you’re proving that you’re <laugh>, you’re, you’re, you’re way far off your peak performance capability because you’re, you’re mean to yourself, Right?
Tara (00:22:15):
Yeah. It’s codependency. It’s low self worth. And I know it ’cause I was it for so long. I know this pattern like so deeply, all the little nuances. ’cause that was me, you know, forever. And I didn’t even realize that you don’t usually, you don’t realize you’re doing it until you get tuned into a book or conversations like this. Like, wait, what? I just thought I was a great person. You know, I just thought I was a nice
Tara (00:22:41):
And helpful person that I had no consciousness that any of these patterns, any of these programs were running in my subconscious. And so the people pleasing pattern or codependency, which is what you just described, you just giving, giving, giving, giving, giving. It’s actually a nasty little pattern. It has some really nasty energies underneath of it masked by kindness and goodness. I mean, because underneath of it, let’s say, here’s an example I ask you, Hey, Brad, I heard you’re gonna be in Utah. Can you, I’m gonna be moving next weekend. I know you’re on vacation, but could you come help me move on Saturday? Do you have anything on Saturday? And you’re like, no. Yeah. Okay. I, you’re like, I wanted to go on a hike, kind of, but mm-hmm.
Brad (00:23:23):
<affirmative>,
Tara (00:23:23):
I bet I should, I should. Tara she asked me. And that would make me a good person if I went and did that. Right? Meanwhile, all the while, if you were in this codependent people pleasing pattern, you would be thinking, oh, hey, I can’t even, why would, I can’t believe she asked me to do that. She knows I’m on vacation. You’re gonna start talking to your people about it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So yeah, that girl Tara, like, dude, I was on vacation in Utah. She asked me to help her move. And then like, she didn’t even buy me food. And like, all this stuff starts happening because what, what happened really there, you didn’t really do that outta the goodness of your heart. You did it to get a good person card. Right. This will, so you’re actually taking in that energy, right? And so the, the, the, the healing from that, I call it the people pleaser pause.
Tara (00:24:10):
I use it a lot in my coaching. And it’s two questions. You pause. So I say, Hey Brad, can you come help me move on Saturday? And the people pleaser pause is, do I want to, there’s two questions. One, do I want to, and if you don’t want to, then it’s your responsibility to just say, nope. And you don’t have to explain yourself and or make excuses or lie, which is what happened in that pattern. And just, oh, no, I can’t, I, sorry, I can’t sit <laugh> or whatever. However, that flow through. And that second question is, do I have the bandwidth? And sometimes it’s just, I think I’m gonna be exhausted if I do that. Mm-hmm. I just data myself to have an open calendar. .
Brad (00:24:46):
Mm-hmm
Tara (00:24:46):
Just don’t have the bandwidth for that. So No. You know, so, um, yeah, that can go into little one-on-one incidences like that. But it can also come into the, you know, people on social media. You know, it was like, over giving, I have to be this person to be valuable. Right. And it’s like, no, you actually don’t have to do anything to be valuable. And when once you know that, then you just start contributing from a place of true contribution. Contribution instead of kind of, you don’t realize you’re doing it until you realize you’re doing it. But then you, you realize like, holy crap. Like, what if I wasn’t this person? What if I didn’t help anybody? That was a healing thing for me. I journaled about that. Mm-hmm. Because I like to help. I do like to help. I love to help, right. But I was like, who would you be without helping? And that was real interesting. I was like, huh, all right. Mm. And, uh, I saw myself like, like I said, like in the woods, in the mountains, just laying by a river. And I saw myself on the beach and I saw myself at a restaurant being served in new cab. I’m like, you can’t help anybody. I, and that’s when I got to know the true nature of soul. It was like, oh, who would I be? Okay. Curious, playful, insightful, deep thinking. Um,
Brad (00:26:01):
Healthy.
Tara (00:26:02):
Yeah. And I
Brad (00:26:03):
Stressless balanced. Yeah.
Tara (00:26:04):
Yeah. And I wrote the word free and I was like, whoa. When I saw that come out, I was like, oh, we need to be attention here. And so that was a really helpful process. So if any of this is resonating, I know we kind of went on a tangent on the codependency.
Brad (00:26:18):
Oh my gosh. Um, I’m speaking of a tangent. Um, you know, you’re a parent of four and they’re watching everything you do. They’re absorbing it like a sponge. And so to back off from today’s, uh, stereotypical helicopter parent and take better care of yourself, it’s the most powerful message that you can send. And it’s, it’s, you know, it’s, it’s so much more valuable than stepping in one more time to, um, pave the way so that, uh, your kids can be quote, happy, successful, and all those kind of things. And so, boy, I mean, you’re, you’re being helpful just by the mere act of talking about it. And if you were to behave that way for 30 days or whatever, and everyone’s watching you, uh, you know, in the gym, not lending a helping hand, but just staying focused and doing your workout and smiling and leaving, they’re like, wow, she’s really focused. I’m inspired. I’m gonna waste less time and, and stick to my goals. Oh my God. It’d be so helpful to see an example like that in the world.
Tara (00:27:13):
Yeah. Yeah. And my favorite quote is from Leo Tolestoy and he says, everyone thinks of changing the world. No one thinks of changing himself. And I love that quote. ’cause that’s all, that’s all you have to do. You wanna change, you wanna help. You know, I hear people also sometimes say like, I just wanna inspire people and like, inspire yourself. You know, I just wanna help people, blah, blah, blah. Help yourself with that first. And that’s really all you have to do. And once you just, once it’s, it just comes out in the nuances, you know, <laugh>. Yeah. It’s just ease, right? But when it, when it’s like, you know, I hear people sometimes say, I wanna inspire people. I don’t know what, I just wanna inspire people. I hear wounded, that’s all I hear when somebody says, I don’t, I wanna inspire people, but I don’t even know what I want to inspire them about. I hear,
Tara (00:27:55):
Need validation. I’m just being real. Like, it’s like I want people to admire me ’cause, and I’m just like, I just have compassion and love, but I’m just like, that’s, just turn all that into yourself. Just all that love, all anything that you want to help people with. It’s so easy to help people with things if you really wanna help, if you really got it. It’s just, it’s ease. It’s just like, yeah, I know. I, I, yeah. It’s, you don’t even have to really try, you know? And so that’s, that’s been one of the biggest learning lessons. It’s just all doing my own inner work and staying aligned and staying high frequency. Like goodness, just ripple. It just, it just happens. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> with ease, you’ll just be inspired and it’s a want to, and yes. And just beauty happens that way. You know? So you wanna help your, help people help yourself. And it just, you’ll see it just happens. <laugh>.
Brad (00:28:49):
So when you were helping yourself, and slowly but surely extricating from the cult and the dysfunctional relationships and, and getting some distance and some perspective. And then, you’re describing this pendulum that has swung so extremely, very few people can relate that they were trapped in to, to such level and now springboarding out. Do you think that the extremes of your background have helped you kind of gain you know, more perspective and, um, you know, more self-awareness than maybe the average where we haven’t really touched those extremes. We just wake up and things are okay, but they’re not, um, you know, you can’t dream of anything different, nor do you have this amazing trauma that gives you perspective every single day when you wake up.
Tara (00:29:40):
Hmm. Yeah. Yes. And I think the thing that I’m most grateful for is when I was in that religion, I was, II used to, I just knew everything. I just, whatever was taught to me from as early as I could talk, it was just like, this is how it is. And I just have the truth. I just know. Right. And I said that a million times, you know, thousands of times. I’m like, I know this and I know that and I know this. And when you kind of get your butt handed to you at that level of, when you, all these things that you knew were truth, all of a sudden you found out No, it wasn’t. That changes you at such a profound level. It is so humbling. And on top of it, I mean, I live in Utah, it’s a, there’s a lot of people in that religion. Like, I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t in that religion. Okay. So when I, and I was in leadership, I was really, really in it. ’cause I was really in that proving helicopter mom type energy. So I was super overachiever, super in it. Right. And I had to walk away from life as I knew it completely. Like, I went from this super social like no hundred mm-hmm.
Brad (00:30:49):
<affirmative>
Tara (00:30:49):
Thousands in the area of people to, I don’t know anybody. Right. Because it is just, it was such a, i, I don’t know how to, it’s hard to explain if you haven’t been through it, but you just really aren’t gonna be able to relate to people anymore because that, that lens just completely owns how you see life. Like, I wouldn’t be able to connect with you all the way. ’cause I would see you as not in that religion. I’d be like, he’s not, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t get it. You know? I separated myself from people. Right. So finding out that you were wrong on such a profound level <laugh>,uneit’s changed me forever. And I know many people who have left that religion that feel the same way, is like, I don’t ever want to get into a belief system that I’m right. Right. Like, I like to be wrong. Now. I like, you know, I’ll say, this is how I feel now. This feels true to me. You never know. I might change my tune 20 years, but right now, this, this is what feels true to me. And it’s made me a much more open-minded and curious person. It’s made me more honest. It’s made me more willing to, you know, be able to say like, oh yeah, I was trying to swear, but I’m just like, okay,
Brad (00:31:57):
You’re allowed now.
Tara (00:31:58):
Oh,
Brad (00:31:59):
You couldn’t swear. But you can swear here.
Tara (00:32:01):
<laugh>. I didn’t know about your coffee.
Brad (00:32:02):
I swear you’re free.
Tara (00:32:03):
That’s okay. Okay. Well, I swear
Brad (00:32:05):
Fricking freeing everybody. Yeah. You
Tara (00:32:07):
Didn’t wanna mess up your podcast. But yeah, it’s, um, it’s, it’s, it, it’s been really cool. And yeah, I will say it is difficult. It’s not for, there’s a lot of people who don’t really believe that religion is true, who are in it. ’cause they’re like, they don’t wanna face, like, it, it, I had a panic attack. I’ve never had a panic attack in my life. I mean, it’s really intense <laugh>, because in that framework also, you’re very concerned of what other people think of you constantly. Right. And I, I mean, I used to think God was in my head judging my every thought, right? So I was just so in this like, energy of I’m being judged constantly, right? So that then to walk away and say everything that I always said, I knew, I’m actually saying no to that now. I, it’s, it’s intentse. You get very, you know, worried, worried about what other people think. And I had to completely, I’m telling you like, it, there’s no psychedelic in the world that has fractured my sense of reality. Like, that moment fractured my reality when I realized it wasn’t, it was like every single way I saw life shattered to the floor, it was like, I don’t know how I see life anymore.
Brad (00:33:11):
Hmm.
Tara (00:33:13):
Oh, and I had to like, integrate with society. I had very much isolated myself from anyone who wasn’t in that religion, right? So I was like, how do other people think? Like what it was like, I was learning how the world worked, you know? So, um, yeah, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m incredibly grateful for it. It’s made me much more open-minded, um, much more forgiving. I’m in a good place with that religion now too. It’s just like, um, I, I like to say for me it’s not true, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be for other people. I, I just feel like you can just choose whatever you want now, you know, <laugh>, you just get to choose. And so, yeah, it’s been a, it is been a journey. But, um, and not, not to mention I fell into a really unhealthy relationship and lost everything about a year and a half later, completely bank.
Tara (00:33:59):
I just, he saw me coming from a mile away. I was very naive coming outta that. And so, yeah, I just let him have access to all my money and it all went, gone. And I ended up with literally not a penny to my name and a bankruptcy, lost my car, all of it. Had to have my ex-husband take my kids. You know? So, I mean, I just got like the, it was like the universe just was like, body slam, body slam. Wake up, wake up, wake up <laugh>. So yeah, I went through some hard things, but I’m, I’m so grateful because like I had to rake these ego structures that I had. Like, this is how life is. Like I’m, I’m grateful that I got slammed so hard. And they were like, she, she’s got it. She can take it. You know? So it just really woke me up and I was like, man, I gotta really take a look at how I’m looking at life because this is the results I’m getting right now. Like, look, look at your life. Like, you just lost everything. You don’t have your kids except on the weekends. Like, look at your life. You know? And that was the beginning of like, my true healing journey. You know, it’s, it comes in layers. I thought I was so free after I left Mormonism, but I still had any of my mindset work, right? So I was still in these people pleaing, codependent patterns.
Brad (00:35:07):
Just a, just a different set of beliefs that were right. Um, just as, uh, naive I guess,
Tara (00:35:13):
Right? He was like the new, oh, someone will tell me how to think. Right? And so when I got slammed out of that one, that’s when the real healing began. You know? And I’m, I’m incredibly grateful for all of it. It’s so cool. And it, and it helps me in coaching too, because I run into a lot of these kind of patterns and I just know ’em so deeply, you know, from being overweight to being obsessed with exercise, to not having boundaries or speaking my voice or any of these. I’m so grateful for all of’em. ’cause I’m like, you know, it helps when you’re coaching, when you’re coming from a place of true empathy. If people were like, reading my mind right now, I’m like, yeah, ’cause I know this. I was this. I know it. So yeah, just a really grateful for the whole journey.
Brad (00:35:55):
So when you slip from that mindset and disposition, whether it’s tomorrow or last week, or you have a, um, you know, someone else ripped you off for <laugh> here and there, um, what’s your exercise to recalibrate? Or you can tell me, no, Brad, I never slip. I’m grateful 24 7 <laugh>. But I’m just guessing there.
Tara (00:36:19):
Um, yeah, no <laugh>, I still have a full spectrum of humanity in me. And so, yeah, I, when I get really angry or, you know, super sad or super stressed about something, my process is letting the feelings run through my body without blocking them. So I’ve learned this, um, awesome thing. I’ve learned this awful thing. And it’s, uh, to learn what it feels like to feel emotions in my body without creating a bunch of stories in my mind. ’cause I’ve learned that the stories that we create about the emotions, keep those emotions going for really longer than natural.
Brad (00:36:58):
Like, snap out of it. You should be grateful right now. Self-criticism because you’re feeling down and, uh, negative, right?
Tara (00:37:06):
Or let’s say somebody, you know, takes advantage of you somehow. For me it might be that piece of crap jerk, blah, blah, blah. And like, every single time I think about that person, like, oh, what a jerk. Well, and I recreate that, right? And so what I learned is like, notice how I’m feeling and yeah, sometimes I’m not as, at first it’s just a mess, right? When I get, especially like when I’m really mad, right? Especially if it’s like protective energy over my kids or something. Like, I’m like gonna kill somebody, you know, <laugh>. Like, but I, I admit I totally get in my, you know, those modes. But like, I’ve learned to one, not take it to anybody else, right? Like, not go react and be like, blah, blah, blah. Not definitely not a time to solve any sort of problems or have any sort of, even though it can be very tempting, and I can feel very justified in that moment, right?
Tara (00:37:52):
It’s like, no, this is good. I you should do it now while you’re mad. You, you got all the perfect things to say right now, you know, <laugh>. And I’ve learned to not do that. I have at least have that. And then I just let it roll. I just let it, I just feel it. I was just like, yep, I’m mad. Yep. I’m sad. Yep. I’m angry. I’m, I’m, I’m hurt. You know, I found out someone, um, that I know in the community died today and he’s my age. I just sat in the gym parking lot and just cried. And I just let myself, I don’t create, I tried my, you know, they would come in, oh my gosh, his kids, oh, his wife, Ola, his brother. Like I just, I, and I, you know, they came, but I just let ’em go. Kinda like meditation and just feel it in my body and just let it process, you know?
Tara (00:38:36):
And I’m sure that will come in a few more waves. I just found that out today. I’m, it’ll come in again and I’m sorry, body. Thanks. You know, he wasn’t close to me, but I was close to his, some people in his family. But, um, anyway, just that’s a example of I’ve learned to let things, let the emotions run through my body. It’s like a splinter coming out. Like let it roll, you know? Um, but I’ve learned to kind of release the mind as I’m doing that kind of like meditation instead of fixating on all these stories. It’s just let the emotion run without the stories. And then let’s say I got triggered and I, you know, yelled at my kids or something. I sit with myself on that, right? It’s like, huh, you don’t do that very much anymore. So like, what was that? And what I look for is the story. What is the story, my subconscious story that is creating me to get, causing me to get so mad about that? There’s a story there, and I’ve learned that from a woman named Katherine Dixon, who was really, really important part of my healing journey. And it’s just, if you can figure out the story, let’s say, you know, the story is that if my kids are fighting all the time, I’m a bad mom.
Brad (00:39:47):
Hmm.
Tara (00:39:49):
Alright. And so if that’s the story, then, then when they start fighting, guess who gets triggered? Me the bad mom, and guess who wants to start controlling them and make sure they don’t fight. So I don’t have to deal with my own feelings of I’m a bad mom. So I look for the story. If I get really reactive, I’m like, what’s, what is the story underneath this? Like, why did that make me so angry? Like what, what, what, what belief do I have about life? Mm-hmm. And then I start looking at new stories. It’s like, is that really true? This is Byron Katie’s work, but is it true? You know, but if your kids fight, you’re a bad mom. Like, no. Okay. It is like, okay. So, you know, Byron Katie asked, how do you
Brad (00:40:29):
Isn’t true.
Tara (00:40:30):
Right? Really know it’s true. And how do you react when you believe that thought is true? It’s like, I get mad, I start trying to control everybody. I’m like, critical. You know, I’m, I’m victimized and all this stuff, right? And it’s like, what would be pause to her fourth question is, what would be possible for you in this situation if that story wasn’t true? And it’s like, <laugh>, okay, maybe I could just be more present with it and like understand that it kids just fight sometimes it has nothing to do with me. Ah, there we go. You know? So after I let the emotions process, I’ll usually do kind of like a short Byron Katie type process of like, what is the story I’ve got going on here causing me to behave that way? And I’ll, and I’ll do my work on that. So that’s really been life-changing for me, honestly, in the last five, six years.
Brad (00:41:16):
So we have the great success that you shared of getting off all that excess body weight. You got deep into the, um, strategic dietary practices and of course fitness. You mentioned going into weight lifting instead of that pure extreme endurance training. So maybe we should like shift a little, we can talk about some logistics that what’s worked for you as well as your clients. And then I’m gonna get further down the road and talk about how we potentially overdo that stuff, like we talked about offline. But then, if there’s opportunity to inject how these other things that you’ve spoken about, you know, these, these profound insights that you gain from your journey, how do those sprinkle in to one’s diet and fitness journey and, and goals and appreciation and enjoyment of the process as well as the result?
Tara (00:42:04):
Sure. All right. Let’s get all health focused. Um, so for me, it’s for my, for my journey really after the marathoning thing, I was just the typical mom that just started following bikini competitors on Instagram. Okay. This is like 8 15, 20 16, you know. And so I was just like, I’m just gonna do what they do, right? So I got on this very typical weightlift bodybuilding, slit, you know, I’m like, what are these drinks people have in the gym that are blue and red? I mean, that is how clueless I was. I’m like. Oh, it’s called pre-workout. Oh, okay. You know what’s whey protein, I mean, I was completely clueless. So I just went on that full bodybuilding thing. I just, I, you know, did macros, calories, like the full thing. And then I got to a place pretty quickly where I was able to just mimic that without tracking anything. So I actually got down to 11% body fat purely from just kind of getting the ropes and just managing from there, which is a little hard, hard to do. But when you’re obsessed, you get there. That’s where I was at. And then, um, I, uh, started keto. Okay. So I found out about keto when I was 11% body fat. I didn’t know I was 11% body fat. I was like, shoot, I should go.
Brad (00:43:16):
Hey, let me try this keto. See if I can go from 11 to 10. Well,
Tara (00:43:20):
Something, well, no. I actually, I, I was interested in it from like the biohacking standpoint, the brain benefits, you know, all of that. And so I started keto and I actually did wanna put on a little body fat. So I was like that. I didn’t know I was that low. Sheesh. Um, and, but what happened for me was I actually started gaining a lot of body fat on keto. So I did not go the normal route of people on keto. Like, um, and actually I have the whole thing Dexa scanned. I did write a book about this. It’s cal Short-Term Keto. And the whole introduction is going over this. But I, you know, I dexa scan the whole way. I was just continuously even with like supplementing leucine and, and really, I mean, I was eating a very high quality protein, like wild gain meats and you know, very clean, keto, higher protein.
Tara (00:44:01):
Like everything I could, I was losing muscle and gaining body fat. Yeah. And then even though the boost in fat, eating more fat was, I knew very beneficial for me. ’cause I had been on that bodybuilding, fat is the devil <laugh> fat thing. I could tell I felt a lot more balanced, getting more fat in. But slowly over time, my body composition was suffering. I wasn’t feeling as good. And even though I could go a lot longer between meals without eating, I definitely got that gift from keto that I’m super grateful for. I started to feel very, like, never felt full at the end of meals, right? I just, I’d noticed I’d be like in nut butters or keto bars and I was like, dude, I haven’t been in this place with food in a long time where I’m like, like digging in the pantry and like, ugh.
Tara (00:44:49):
You know? And so, um, I had done like some gut testing and some DNA testing and like everything was saying, you should eat a lot of carbs. You should eat a lot of carbs. And I had just had enough time on keto, I’d been keto, strict keto for a year, um, that I decided to bring carbs back in. And for me that was insane. Um, for me, it went like this, like <laugh> from 11% body fat to about 18% body fat on keto on a year. Within nine months I was back down to 12 point something percent body fat gained more muscle than I even had before. Even after losing all that, with, without tracking anything, without doing any of that, I was just, for me, I, I think it was cool for me to do keto for a little while. I don’t think I needed to do it for a full year.
Tara (00:45:36):
But bringing carbs back in after keto, it was just like everything went a bone. And then I keep my sanity and I just work on my phone. I don’t usually multitask, but I just work on my phone while I walk. And it’s just, it’s beautiful. I take care of all my social media stuff, my team, my emails, you know? So that’s kind of my flow. I intermittent fast now, pretty much. Yeah. It’s just, I don’t like try to, per se, I am just kind of in that flow. I wake up, I have my coffee, go to the gym, work out, just wait till I get hungry, eat. And then I try to stop eating three hours before bed because I want my body to recover well and my gut to recover well and have good brain power, you know? And so it’s not to be skinny, it’s not to lose weight, it’s just what’s best for my body. And then I just eat as nutrient dense as I can without being a perfectionist about it. It’s okay if I have a little cheesecake or chocolate or it’s my desire to have those things is kind of low because I have a loving relationship with my body now. Mm-hmm. Like I’m the inside of my body mm-hmm. <affirmative>
Tara (00:46:38):
And I’m just like, don’t really want to do that kind of stuff to it very often. It’s like, I know you guys can deal with that stuff, but like, how much do I wanna make you deal with it? My little gut cells and you know, all of it. My every cell in my body. It’s like I look at food as an opportunity to like give to them. Like, thank you for everything you do, like you’re some nutrients, here you go, thank you. And I wanna feel good. Right. So that’s kind of, that’s kind of my, my journey with nutrition and training,
Brad (00:47:06):
And compare and contrast to those days when you were trying to qualify for Boston. I can’t imagine you were doing a lot of impressive work in the gym. It was probably mostly directed toward running miles and that came with a struggle to get to healthy body composition. So what do you think like for those listening who are trying to qualify for Boston and wondering why they can’t get their six pack?
Tara (00:47:33):
Let’s see. Well, the trouble with marathon running for people who are kind of in the boat that I’m in, like you were like this like super athlete, you know, you didn’t have that kind of problem. Like you were probably also cross training a lot. You were doing, you know, multiple disciplines. For me, like I feel like there are a lot of people kind of in the boat I was in where I really haven’t done much for my nutrition. It was like, oh, I’m eating a salad today. I’m being healthy. But I still would have like all the other things and fast food and just kind of typical standard American diet. And, the trouble with only purely running and running and running, at least for me or people maybe built like I am, is that my hunger would just go so high from all that running.
Tara (00:48:21):
I would easily eat back everything I burned off and then some, and then I wasn’t building muscle in the way that you can from resistance training, right? And so I was dependent on that exercise for burning calories versus understanding that I could create hormetic shifts in my body, hormone shifts in my body, stressors in my, that could build more muscle and keep my metabolism higher all the time. Um, also I like to call muscles, uh, carb storage tanks, right? So you have bigger storage tanks for carbs, meaning yeah, sure. You go lift or whatever. You dump some of the carbs into your bloodstream to use for that exercise. Well, the bigger your storage tanks, the more carbs you can hold. So then when I go eat carbs throughout the day, I just need room in these pretty big storage tanks that I have. And so when carbs are going into those, guess what, they’re not going body fat <laugh>.
Tara (00:49:17):
And so, um, it’s a lot easier to stay lean when you have more muscle because you have bigger storage tanks, right. <laugh>, especially if you’re using them pretty much on the daily, which I do. So, um, it’s, it’s tough to, you know, you hear it’s tough to out train a bad diet or outrun a bad diet. It’s true. And I also just like to look at it as it’s, you can, you can make things really hard when you’re in this mindset of I have to like, eat less and burn more calories. It just makes everything so hard. And it doesn’t have to be that hard. I don’t track to, I don’t track anything. I haven’t tracked food in years. I don’t even think that way anymore. I just train hard, train like a beast, recover hard, and just try to eat plenty of quality protein, fiber, high quality fats, high quality foods, you know, that keep me satiated and not sweat.
Tara (00:50:13):
Small stuff. But yeah, it’s just so much more ease if you’re resistance training to stay lean and you feel better mentally. It protects your joints. So yeah, it’s just, it’s just a lot easier to be healthy and fit and strong, in my opinion. If in marathon running is super fun, I’ll always love it. You know, that was a long of mine for like 20 years of my life. I get it. Oh, but just a, just a push to make sure you’re, I, when I started training, weight training more and running less, that’s when I got ultra fast, right? That’s when I got like 7:10 paces. 26 mile marathon was when I started running way less weight training more and eating better, you know, so it’s, it’s nice. Highly recommend <laugh>.
Brad (00:51:00):
It’s tough to, uh, to make that transition for a lot of people who are deeply immersed in that endurance scene. And I think the inherent struggling and suffering psychologically and physically from maintaining a high mileage practice and chronically overproducing stress hormones, you’re, you’re metabolism, for example, is calibrated to, to store fat. And so you’re, yeah. Like you, like you described, you ran so many miles and you overate your way through to make sure that you would recover because you were in such a immersion of a pain and suffering and torture and getting up and doing the end the next day. And, right. If you’re training in the gym appropriately under the guise of a good coach, or for example, a great app that’s helping you, you know, balance that stress and rest, you’re not in that chronic overproduction of stress hormones.
Brad (00:51:52):
You’re in an appropriate stressor such as a workout that lasts for less than an hour. That’s within your capabilities. And I would imagine too, now we can bring in some of that spiritual side that you talked about at length. You appreciate the process of getting fit, you respect your body. And I imagine that, like you say, you haven’t needed to track anything because your appetite is appropriately regulated by your hunger and satiety hormones because you listen to your body. You sit in silence. Your stress rest balance is okay. You’re not over hovering on the mom scene and then go slamming in the gym and then going, having a slurpee on your way home.
Tara (00:52:31):
<laugh>. Yeah, exactly. The body, when the body is of balance, everything gets easier, right? So if you’re just way too far in one direction, whether that’s junk food or over exercise or overrunning, or, you know, when you just are way imbalanced in one area, yeah. You’re gonna mess up your satiety of hormones, your hunger hormones, all of those things, right? And so, and if you’re just never exercising, also that’s gonna get messed up, right? So it’s about, like, to me, the body loves stress in small spurts. It doesn’t love chronic long-term stress. It does actually really like a little short-term stress for the body, you know? Yeah, yeah.
Brad (00:53:07):
But,
Tara (00:53:08):
Um, yeah, it’s about like, and you have to get, it takes a while to get intuitive with that. You maybe you’re gonna get obsessed like I did, and you’re gonna overtrain like crazy and you’re like, I love this. You know? And then you kinda learn like, wow, something happens in your life where like, okay, I’m gonna back off a little bit. I’m gonna try back. It’s scary to back off. It is much harder I have found for, especially for people who love training, scariest thing in the world for them to back off. Mm-hmm.
Tara (00:53:32):
And me that, oh, I, I work with that a lot. Like there’s a, we have a lot of hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue, especially women, and, you know, the, it’s over stress on the body and some of it’s emotional and unhealed trauma and all of this, but also it’s this, it’s drive myself into the ground mentality, never stop like I have to. That program is really hard on women. Like, because, like, what do you hear? What makes someone a great woman? Oh, she’s such a great wife, she’s such a great sister, she’s such a great friend. She’s such a great mom, because why? Because of what she does
Brad (00:54:07):
For
Tara (00:54:07):
Everybody, right? And that is the program on women and like, give, give, give, give, give. And then, oh, you better be super skinny and hot too. You know? And it’s just like, oh, it just drives women into this. Like go, go, go, go, go.
Brad (00:54:20):
Yeah. Yeah. John Gray beyond Mars and Venus talks about how the, you know, the primary biological drives of the male and female and the traditional speak are disparate. And the woman is a natural nurturer, caretaker. And today we have charged the female with also kicking ass in the workplace and being, doing and being and, and succeeding and excelling. And they become depleted because they’re asked to, you know, be all things to all people.
Tara (00:54:51):
Yeah. And it’s up to us as women to really check ourselves on this, right? It’s just like every other program that society has given us. So like, I gotta sit with myself on that and where do I, what, what’s going on at society and what, like what, what do I believe is true about life? You know? So for me, like I run a business, I have four kids, you know?
Tara (00:55:10):
Well, um, I don’t feel depleted and burned out and run out. I’m active. I’m fit because I refuse. ’cause I’ve learned this through the school of hard knocks, but I refuse to go into that, like adrenal overdrive. I’m overwhelmed. I just don’t have a second to sit down if I’m even tiptoeing into that direction. I have a hard look at my life. I’m like, what’s going on? What are you doing that you don’t need to be doing? What do you need to let go of? What do you need to say no to? Where do you need to ask for help? Because I refuse. I’ve been there and it’s like on, it’s like, it’s almost like traumatic. That that energy feels like trauma, energy to me. It’s like trauma response energy. So
Brad (00:55:52):
That’s a good one
Tara (00:55:54):
Phase of my World.
Brad (00:55:54):
Lifelong trauma response.
Tara (00:55:57):
Yeah.
Brad (00:55:58):
And I see people thriving in that realm. And when I say thriving, they also thrive on complaining about it and repeating the cycle. And so, um, I, I don’t know if I should pick a better word, but like, they bring it to themselves every day. I brought the over-training pattern to myself when I was a young professional athlete. ’cause I wanted to win so badly and I was willing to do whatever it took. I can make some air quotes on the video here. And so of course I’m gonna, you know, outwork the next person. And if I’m tired, I’m not gonna complain. I’m gonna go jump in the swimming pool and do my third workout of the day. And that part, uh, you know, is something for real reflection for the, uh, the, the type a, the hard driving, the goal directed, uh, person because they think they’re doing everything right or they’re doing all that’s asked of them. And they might better benefit from the little question and answer that you have with yourself that you’ve related a few times in the show.
Tara (00:56:57):
Yeah. It’s, you know, is it coming at the expense of my own self? Am I driving so hard to prove that I can be the best athlete or be the best mom or be the best business owner? Am I, am I working so hard to prove that to myself and to other people that I’m trampling all over myself of what I actually need? Am I, am I really happy? Or do I just feel like I’m happy by covering it up with this proving thing that I’m doing? And that’s an honest conversation you have to have with yourself. But what’s cool about it is when you can be real with yourself and get honest about it, that’s your, that is like, you just took one step through the gate of alignment in your life of like what you really want, you know? And so for me, like, yeah, I still run my business.
Tara (00:57:42):
I still, I just ran a retreat. I, you know, I have a lot. I have a podcast, you know, I do these kind of podcasts, like you, so bunch of this is really fun. I have, you know, four different kids that are from 10 to 17 that I got all sorts of stuff going on, you know, and I don’t feel overwhelmed because I sit with each thing and I just notice how I’m feeling and I recruit help. If anybody’s watching the video may notice me type something a second ago, which I feel really bad about doing, but it’s ’cause I ask my daughter to pick up my boys from school and she’d like, I can’t find him. She’d go to the office. But it’s just that, it’s just noticing, noticing and um, and being able to say no and being able to give up control over everything. You know? Like, I don’t know, my kids will get home from school somehow, you know, <laugh>. Yeah. My daughter will find a, just releasing that control a little bit and just noticing how you feel as a result of how you’re living. And the, the brutal phrase I like to wrap that point up is, I like to say that overwhelm is a victim mindset.
Tara (00:58:48):
It is. It, is it because you can find solutions, you can mm-hmm.
Tara (00:58:58):
I’m like, if I am single with four kids running a business, a full client load and a podcast and retreat and an app and all of these things, and I don’t feel overwhelmed, I know anybody can get there. It’s just accepting that you are creating and everything in your life and choosing everything. And when you have full ownership over that, that’s the path to freedom. It’s just like what you were saying is like, I’m choosing this. I am choosing life. Everybody’s life looks different and everyone is ch you know, there’s some things we don’t choose, tragedies happen, things like that. I get it. There’s temporary phases of overwhelm that you did not choose, you know? So, you know, compassion there and, and eventually, and eventually it is your responsibility to get into a place of peace for yourself, you know? And it takes time on certain things, but like you, if you, if you will hold out hope that you can get to a place of peace, there’s gonna be ups and downs.
Tara (00:59:56):
There’s gonna be crazy times, you know, but like, it’s continuously taking a look inside of yourself of like, all right, how am I doing with this? How do I really feel about this? Where do I wanna take this? You know, what do I need to let go of? Where do I need help? Do I need to get a therapist? Do I need to get a some extra hands on this? You know, like that’s the ownership piece that I’m talking about, you know, is like, you can get to a place of peace in your life. I fully believe that no matter what you’re going through, it might take time, but you can get there.
Brad (01:00:30):
Oof. That’s, uh, a, a beautiful message. I’m letting it sink in a little bit. And one thing I’m going to remember, uh, and also listen to this show every three months for the rest of our lives. I would, I would recommend that, but, you know, checking in more frequently,.It came up for me that maybe I didn’t realize I was getting overwhelmed or that I was, uh, uh, struggling and suffering too much because I was over training, uh, because I didn’t even, uh, reflect enough. And I think if we have some time to do that every single day, we’re gonna write course better than banging our heads against the wall, which I think we’re often guilty of. We’re too busy to check in with ourselves because we’re too overwhelmed. So we don’t have time to reflect whether or not we’re overwhelmed and what changes we can make.
Tara (01:01:17):
Yeah. I got this intuitive, little, I don’t know, thought that came in one time and it was like, watch out for the tough ones. Watch out for those tough ones because they’re so used to being tough that they’ll override their emotions like crazy. The endurance athletes, the, you know, the Tai Bay, the super driver, it serves us in a way like when, when I was at, on mile 24 of a marathon, and I can’t, literally can’t even see ’cause I’m blacking out. Like, you have two choices. You either lay down or you positive yourself to the finish line. Like, come on, you got this, let’s go. Well, <laugh>, sometimes that doesn’t serve us because it, it is useful at times. I’m so grateful that I have access to that side of myself for when I really did it
Brad (01:02:04):
When necessary,
Tara (01:02:05):
Right? It’s like, dude, you’ve done way harder than as you got this. You know what I mean? So it is useful and it can also cause us to override and not even notice I’m really happy. Do, do I like this? Is this stressing me out every single time I do this? How do I actually feel about this? And when you can sit with yourself on that, I like to take myself, I’m like, maybe I just won’t do it anymore. <laugh>. I, like, I take myself all the way to straight to the biggest fear. Oh, I guess I just, I won’t be a coach anymore, you know, <laugh>. Mm-hmm. Yeah. If I’m feeling and then giving myself that full freedom. Like for example, recently I noticed that having back to back client calls, I was feeling really exhausted after that and I was giving myself that.
Tara (01:02:48):
I was like, you know, I’m freaking tanked. Oh, ah, that was a lot of energy, you know? And I was like, maybe I don’t want to do one-on-one coaching anymore. You know, I go, I go all the way there, right? And I’m like, yeah, okay, I could let go of that. And then in that processing space, I found it was like, why don’t you just give yourself a 15 minute buffer between calls? Okay, <laugh> got it. You know, it’s, you find solutions that will bring more peace and joy to your life and will give it to yourself of like, I’m not really digging in this flow. Right? It is like, allow that in and sit with it for a little while. You might not have to make that big of a tweak. You might just need a little break between calls as a silly example, you know? But that’s, that’s how it is, is like, uh, but sit with like being real with yourself and like, I’m not, I don’t, those are wrong. I don’t like how my energy feels right now. What is it? And sometimes it’s my mindset about that thing that I need to take a look at. And it’s something small and mechanical like that.
Brad (01:03:52):
Uh, yeah, maybe you need another recovery day, right?
Tara (01:03:55):
Yeah. The
Brad (01:03:56):
Athletes struggling and the workout and feeling frustrated. Yeah.
Tara (01:03:58):
Right, right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
Brad (01:04:02):
Oof. So before we let you go, since you just got back from this incredible retreat in Maui and you gave me that interesting stat that, what was it, 22 guests and there’s 21 deposits for next year. So you even though you’re probably gonna be full up and we’re gonna have to get you out there for more retreats, but is this the kind of stuff that happens in the retreat where people are getting the time to reflect and perhaps journal or talk in a circle, eat healthy food, work out, tell us a little bit about what’s, what’s happening at these things?
Tara (01:04:30):
Thank you. I haven’t even announced it yet, so this is my first time even telling anybody, but we’ll be going. Oh,
Brad (01:04:35):
Listeners get ready. Depends,
Tara (01:04:37):
<laugh>, we’ll be going to Sedona in the spring 2024. So I haven’t firmed up the dates yet or anything, so if, if you’re interested in that, just, you know, follow me on social media or something. I’m sure I’ll be posting about it. But, um, yeah, there, so my two top principles in life are freedom and fun, <laugh>, that kind of sums it up. So the freedom work is like taking a, we do do some, a little bit of deeper work like tropic breath work and you know, some workshops of like getting you thinking, but I try to keep those short and powerful. And then we, I mean we went surfing, we were hiking all over Maui. I mean, it was jumping off cliffs in the water. You don’t have to do that if you don’t want. I don’t know. It would never make anybody do anything they didn’t want to do, but it was so incredibly fun.
Tara (01:05:22):
But also a lot of deep work and shifting. And so that’s how all of my retreats will be. It’s a really, if you haven’t ever been to a retreat, it is like, it’s so helpful to get out of your daily routine and get into a new environment with new people, especially if you have a coach or somebody like sparking little things. You’re doing your own work, breath work, meditating out in nature. I mean, it’s just such a great way to zoom out on your life and take a look at things. So yeah, that’ll be in, I’m going to areas of the world where I have personally felt like myself open up, like, whoa. And it’s about my own transformation. So we did Zion National Park in Utah, Maui, and now we’re going to Sedona. So, thank you for letting me talk about it. Uh, my website’s Tara Garrison.com, so we’ll, I’m sure we’ll have it on there once we have the, the place booked, <laugh>,
Brad (01:06:08):
Find it all there, punch into her Inside Out Health podcast. If you wanna start with our awesome show, you did a great interview and so much great content on there, so keep up the good work. I’m gonna really never forget this conversation. It was so valuable and I really appreciate you sharing everything. It’s really pushing everybody forward into, into good space, as you would say.
Tara (01:06:31):
Thank you, Brad. You’re so sweet and so positive and supportive and I, I really appreciate your energy and what you bring to the health industry and it is really cool to be on your podcast. So thank you so much for the opportunity.
Brad (01:06:43):
I also will point out, Tara, that I succeeded in not talking about Neuro typing for the entire podcast, which means that you are obligated to come and return and share some of this awesome information that you and your buddy Christian Thibodaux. It has really, uh, helped me figure out, uh, the best way to be an athlete and, and guide my workouts according to my neuro type. So we’ll get all into that next time.
Tara (01:07:09):
Alright, sounds good. I’ll see if I can rope Christian in. Come
Brad (01:07:11):
On, Christian <laugh>. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for listening everybody. That’s a wrap. Thank you so much for listening to the B.rad Podcast. We appreciate all feedback and suggestions. Email, podcast@bradventures.com and visit brad kearns.com to download five free eBooks and learn some great long cuts to a longer life. How to optimize testosterone naturally, become a dark chocolate connoisseur and transition to a barefoot and minimalist shoe lifestyle.
