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TRANSCRIPT:

Brad (00:00:00):
Welcome to the B.rad podcast, where we explore ways to pursue peak performance with passion throughout life without taking ourselves too seriously. I’m Brad Kearns, New York Times bestselling author, former number three, world ranked professional triathlete and Guinness World Record Masters athlete. I connect with experts in diet, fitness, and personal growth, and deliver short breather shows where you get simple actionable tips to improve your life right away. Let’s explore beyond the hype hacks, shortcuts, and sciencey. Talk to laugh, have fun and appreciate the journey. It’s time to B.rad.

Brad (00:00:38):
The obstacles to success, and to rewiring the brain: fear, excessive stress, limiting beliefs, a negative mindset, lack of emotional control, and bad.

Brad (00:00:49):
Okay, welcome to highlight show number two. We’re still covering general personal growth insights. And show number one you heard from many experts, and I can’t wait to share with you more. And we’re gonna start off with Gretchen Rubin, author of the book, the Four Tendencies. I love this book where she categorizes four main categories that people fall into with their behavior patterns, their personality styles. She calls ’em tendencies. The idea here is to understand yourself and create the circumstances that set you up for success and less frustration. The descriptive of the book says, by learning how I respond to expectations, we gain explosive self-knowledge. The four tendencies are upholders, questioners, obligers, and rebels. Our tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior. So understanding this framework lets us make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more effectively.

Brad (00:01:53):
The four tendencies explain why we act and why we don’t act. And you can take a four tendencies quiz or pretty short quiz that will give you an accurate identification of your tendency. You have a, a primary tendency, then you might have a little bit, uh, of a secondary one. But I think most people will really enjoy, uh, understanding these categories. And then, you know, reflecting on them as you put yourself in certain situations that are maybe really successful and feel natural and comfortable. And then times where you struggle and need to strive to align better with your tendencies. The tendencies are, uh, difficult, if not impossible to change or alter. It’s just kind of how you’re wired and how you’ve, uh, grown to operate through life. So the first is the upholder description. I love routines and people think I’m extremely disciplined.

Brad (00:02:51):
So this is the classic type A person that has three by five note cards for what they’re gonna accomplish today. They are disciplined to meet both inner and outer expectations and routines and schedules, and are even disciplined with self-care. So they just are dialed in and very precise and focused going through life. Uh, so their main strength is discipline and their weakness potentially can be, uh, that rigidity that can come in when someone is, uh, tightly locked down in this descriptive manner. Uh, sometimes they’re compelled to follow rules, even when it might be more sensible to ignore. And they’re also frustrated when others aren’t quite as upholding as they are. I think the key takeaway when I describe each of these is how they respond to inner and outer expectations. So, inner expectations with being like your own set of personal goals, your to-do list, whether you get sidetracked because other people are convincing you to do something else.

Brad (00:03:57):
And then outer expectations would be the expectations of the workplace and society around you, your role as a parent, friend, mother, father, son, daughter, assistant manager, whatever. So the upholder responds to both inner and outer expectations. Next, the questioner. I love researching, and people sometimes say that I ask why too much. The questioner needs to learn rationale and background information before acting. They’re logical and efficient at everything they do. Once they accept an expectation, you can count on them to deliver all outer expectations become inner expectations after they get their questions satisfied. So imagine a simple example in the workplace where the boss tells you that you need to drive and return these boxes downtown on a rainy night instead of wait till Monday <laugh>. It was a actual example in my brief accounting career, why do I have to go out of my way on a rainy Friday night with intense rush hour traffic just to bring boxes back in the pouring rain?

Brad (00:05:05):
And I remember hitting a bump with the dolly, and the, the boxes fell all over the rainy sidewalk, and they were just soaked. And I was so upset that they made me do this that I just dumped everything, uh, in a cubicle and went about my miserable Friday evening of, of sitting for an hour in traffic just to drop off some boxes, like I couldn’t keep them in my car and bring him in Monday. Anyway, <laugh>. The questioner needs to learn that rationale before acting. So, the outer expectation, like the boss wanting me to deliver a bunch of cardboard boxes on a rainy Friday night, um, becomes an inner one after they get all the questions satisfied. So, if I had peppered the boss with questions like why am I doing this? Why can’t I do it Monday? And they gave me a good reason, then as a questioner, you make all your outer expectations inner onesmakes sense to you.

Brad (00:06:00):
Yeah, you need to have your rationale before acting or to be at your best, right? This is all your tendency. So the strengths is that logical, uh, and reasoned approach to everything. The analysis, the efficiency that it brings, and the weakness could be annoying others with their constant questioning or at times, paralysis by analysis. So you can’t act until you ask a zillion questions might be frustrating to others and, and even yourself. Quote from Gretchen Rubin, questioners, have the self-direction of upholders, the reliability of obligers and the authenticity of rebels. We’ll learn more about what those mean. As I go down to the third tendency, which is the obliger. I put others ahead of me and I value harmony in relationships. Obligers answer to outer expectations, but they resist inner expectations. So they’re very able to get to work on time or to get to the, uh, the, the 6:30 AM spinning class at the gym on time,

Brad (00:07:06):
but it’s very hard for them to be self-disciplined on their own in the manner that an upholder is that I described the person who’s type A and has got everything locked down. So they’re gonna do their workout by themselves and then, uh, head right to work on time, uh, where they’re expected to be. So the obliger needs these outer expectations to be at their best, and they struggle with their own personal inner expectations. They need outer accountability to meet inner expectations. For this reason, they gain the most from learning about their tendency, but they often get, because they often get frustrated at themselves for being unable to meet internal goals they require from the outside, things like deadlines, things like an accountability partner to work out with, or a boss’s oversight. In the example of the workplace. Their strengths are they’re very reliable and they’re very easygoing and easy to get along with.

Brad (00:08:05):
Um, because, again, they answer to outer expectations. So if someone asks them, uh, to, uh, go and, uh, stop on a few errands before they go to their intended destinations, the obliger is like, sure, because they’re obliging okay. Weakness, they can easily get taken advantage of, like I’m referenced in the previous example. So they have to stand up for themselves to be the best they can be. But this is against their basic nature. Quote from Gretchen about the obligers. When what others expect from Obligers is what they expect from themselves. They have the life they want, right? So they want to go to the gym and get in shape, and they, they’ve, you know, internalized that and are able to get there. And then they’re meeting their own fitness goals, thanks to obliging their expectation of being at class or meeting their accountability partner the hike in the forest.

Brad (00:09:06):
Okay, last but not least, the rebel. I value freedom and choice. I do what I wanna do when I wanna do it. Rebels resist both inner and outer expectations. Rebels want to do what they wanna do in their own way and on their own time. If someone else tells them to do the exact same thing, they might resist. They don’t even want to tell themselves to do something. They prefer to act from freedom, choice, and self-expression. Oh, boy, this one hit home for me big time because I definitely, I don’t like holding myself accountable, even not to mention answering to others accountability. I more much prefer to go with the flow and to, you know, jump into things when I’m compelled to do so. But I’m highly productive and disciplined, but it has to be on my own schedule. I can’t, I had a really difficult time answering to the structured workplace setting.

Brad (00:10:05):
I was also had a difficult time thriving in a structured team setting. Naturally I gravitated toward individual sports rather than team sports. ’cause I wanted to do things my way, uh, on my timeframe, my time schedule, and my applying my philosophies. So, um, this can be a strength of course. And, uh, great achievements have been delivered by all types of rebels in society, people who are freethinking and going outside the box. However, the weaknesses are abounding as well. Uh, one of them is that others might have trouble understanding what makes a rebel tick. And the, the tendency to resist doing things that others want you to do is certainly a weakness and a source of frustration. So I think, knowing my high awareness of my extreme rebel tendency, I need to set myself upin situations that work for me.

Brad (00:11:09):
One example that comes to mind, just so this can help you kind of internalize what it means to be in touch with your tendency is with my athletic training schedule, I get a lot of support and guidance from outside. But I kind of adhere to my own pattern. And the pattern is not written down, uh, on a three by five card, uh, and programmed and, and templated. Like it might be for an upholder or like, it might be for someone who participates in a team sport where they’re going to practice on Tuesday night from six to 8:00 PM and they’re gonna do this, this, and this, because the coach says so. So by not, by resisting both inner and outer expectations, I can’t even honor my own training schedule that I devised by personal preference.

Brad (00:12:00):
Instead, I’m going with the flow and trying to implement sufficient boundaries and strategies and big picture philosophical principles that will make, help me make good decisions. But I resist adhering to a schedule. And when I was a triathlete, especially, I think I figured out how this could work in my favor and avoided things like chronic overtraining that oftentimes emerges when you are influenced too much by other athletes and trying to follow their training patterns because you’re trying to fit into the pack or the crowd, or the team in the case of like cycling.So it’s a constant battle to optimize and maintain awareness and especially kind of a check in with tendencies of people around you so that you can communicate and treat them in a manner that works best for them.

Brad (00:12:55):
Here’s what the research shows. The population, 41% of the population are obligers. 24% are questioners, 19% are upholders, and 17% are rebels. Gretchen Rubin’s work makes the point that there’s no best tendency. So it’s not like the upholders rule, the world and everyone else’s slackers. I’s mainly about, uh, honoring your basic nature and your tendency in creating the appropriate circumstances. That’s a great overview, and of course, you have to listen to the show, read the book to get deeper into this. But I think it’s worth your time to, you know, explore those tendencies and, uh, apply them to the everyday life examples that work for you. And then other things that are frustrating,.

Brad (00:13:40):
I told you I was gonna have longer ones and then some shorter ones, and I gotta give a plug to Anthony Mancinelli, the world’s oldest barber, 107 years old. I stopped in the middle of driving across the state of New York and got a haircut from this guy. And what an incredible pleasure it was to meet him. He’s full of, energy and personality. And let’s see, this was back in 2019, and I think he passed a couple years after that at the ripe old age of 109. But he was perfectly healthy specimen, and he was still working nearly a full-time schedule at the hair salon at the age of 107. He drove himself to work, lived alone. He had family members and others, uh, checking on him regularly, but he cleaned his own house, made his own meals, and boy, to think about how this guy is blown through our expectations about aging and decline and what’s gonna happen. And all those things. He, you know, he, he emerged, of course, a lot of genetic good fortune, but we mustn’t discount the impact of his attitude.

Brad (00:14:52):
So I was kind of interviewing him, and Mia Moore was putting the tape recorder on, on the phone close up. He was difficult to hear, but I published a show about it. You can go hear some of his tidbits. And I really appreciated, like his matter of fact way that he answered some of the questions like, uh, how I, how do you get to work every day? And he looked at me like, I’m like, I’m like, I’m a dummy. Like, well, I drive, of course, <laugh>, you know, but I think what I was getting at was like, if you’re 107, what do they do? Just, you know, plop you here and then, and then pick you up when you’re done working. But, you know, it was like, it was such a routine thing to him. He wouldn’t think of anything else.

Brad (00:15:35):
Um, there was a Guinness World Record, presentation at his barber station, uh, where he got the award for the world’s oldest barber. Imagine that. But he, he described to me how I think he started, you know, working in that career at age 13. So he, <laugh> had, you know, over 90 years experience in a barbershop. Yeah, pretty amazing. And we were so excited to meet him. We took pictures, I recorded him, and then as we were walking out, I kind of turned and look, you know, I was at the front, front desk, front counter paying, adding a tip to my credit card transaction, of course. And I look over and there he is sweeping the floor of the hair as you do after each client leaves your chair. But not only was he sweeping my hair, but he was over to the area of the chair next to him, and he was sweeping up, um, that, that lady’s previous client as well, just helping out around the salon at 107 years old Anthony Mancinelli.

Brad (00:16:42):
How did I find this guy? An article came up on Mia Moore’s morning newsfeed on her mobile device. You know, when you just kind of log in and see all the different article choices. And it, it had a little a story about the world told us Barber, of, I forget the, um, the town now. Um, but, uh, she realized that it was on our intended route for that day’s drive <laugh>. So, you know, good fortune came my way. I navigated to, the guy’s salon, walked in and said, yeah, I’d like to get a haircut from, from him. No offense to all your other fine stylists, but I want to go for the oldest.

Brad (00:17:24):
Okay, Seth Godin, another brief tidbit, appropriate for the guy who’s expert at, you know, drilling things down and distilling, uh, great wisdom into simple, actionable, memorable insights. And, I remember he’s the author of many books. Especially The Dip was a great book. I remember. That’s persevering when the going gets tough. And, um, most people drop out. And if you’re able to persevere, you break through and have tremendous potential to succeed, because there’s a funnel, especially in the most competitive career circumstances. For example, you know, especially in athletics. It’s so obvious where a whole bunch of kids are playing high school football, and probably every single one of ’em wouldn’t mind to play college football. But it’s, you know, only one out of every, you know, 70 high school football players or basketball players. There’s a funnel as you go up in levels, right? And then another one going from college to pro and so forth. Same thing in the workplace. People apply to medical school.

Brad (00:18:32):
The admission rate is very low. And then, uh, to, to persevere and, and graduate. Of course, you’re home free after that, and you have a good career waiting. You, but you have to persevere through these dips. But anyway, one of my questions I had prepared to ask Seth, uh, in a nice breezy, enthusiastic manner was something like, Seth, can you give us some strategies to deal with the constant temptation, the pull of distraction and instant gratification when you’re working? For example, I’m always, you know, thinking of my email inbox and darting over there when I’m trying to work on important book project or what have you, and he said, turn that shit off. The work is too important, not much elaboration needed there. And I took that to heart. And we’ll never forget looking at him right in the eyes through the screen, of course, when he wasn’t even going to indulge my silly question in the first place.

Brad (00:19:34):
Even though it’s, you know, something that probably, uh, everyone thinks about or will float that question out every day. It’s like, no, not even gonna consider, turn that shitoff <laugh>. Okay, thank you, Seth. Duly noted.

Brad (00:19:50):
My good friend Ray Sydney, whom I interviewed about his unique career path, where he was the fifth employee ever hired at Google. Google’s a company that has a search engine, does some advertising, done a bunch of other stuff grew quite a bit from when he started in the duplex in Palo Alto, California. Uh, but, you know, everybody’s fascinated by, uh, the tremendous wealth that emanated from, um, Silicon Valley that continues to, and you know, tracking down one of those early employees and, and getting this, tidbit from him, I thought was really great, especially for young career aspirants. He said that he, uh, studied hard and achieved the highest level of education.

Brad (00:20:34):
He graduated from Harvard, got a PhD, from MIT, so you can’t do any better than that. He later got an MBA, from UC Berkeley. And in a recent college ranking, uh, the top three in the country were, uh, Harvard, MIT, and Berkeley. So, uh, you know, he did his thing, uh, but he says he was driven by a natural, uh, interest and passion for mathematics. And so he wasn’t angling to go to Harvard because it had awesome career prospects and network opportunities. It was more that he wanted to study at the best institution to further his passion and his personal growth. And then, um, he decided to go get a job in Silicon Valley, not in search of a fortune, like so many people are. They, they call it the second gold rush, right? Jim Clark, no, what’s his name?

Brad (00:21:26):
Michael Lewis’ book, the New New Thing talking about that in detail, the title was The New, new Thing. You heard that, right? So anyway, Ray went to Silicon Valley, not in search of, uh, a, a tech fortune, but, uh, because he was looking for an opportunity to challenge the skills and the training that he had, and try to make a difference in the, uh, the technology world. So, what I call this is cultivating a pure motivation. I reference it a lot with my athletic career where I was called to be a professional triathlete because I just loved challenging my body and the intensity, the competition, and the excitement of, you know, being able to dedicate myself so fully to such a difficult endeavor and a great challenge to become competent in all three sports and race against the best people in the world.

Brad (00:22:19):
But it certainly wasn’t in pursuit of riches, of which there weren’t any in the fledgling sport of triathlon when I was starting. It’s not an easy way to make money by any stretch. And, um, the same for Ray’s story, where it was never about making a fortune. But sometimes when you work hard and get highly trained, and you put yourself in the position with that great mindset of cultivating a pure motivation, you manifest those kind of results. But I’m gonna contend that you must be motivated for the right reasons, otherwise, you’re gonna cut yourself off from the force that I mentioned briefly in the previous episode, where Luke’s story was talking about the concept of manifestation that is so widely misunderstood. So that was the tidbit from Ray. Big George.

Brad (00:23:11):
And then we go on to, um, here’s a more lengthy discussion of some of the great insights from Mark Manson’s. Two bestselling books, the Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and His Follow Up, which was titled, everything Is. F*cked A book about Hope. Some great tidbits that I think about all the time and try to share with other people in real life from the Subtle Art. And one of ’em is Mark Manson’s quote, that self worth is an illusion, and it’s actually a form of persistent low level narcissism. So this obsessive pursuit of self-worth, self-esteem, having an important position in society is actually a form of persistent low level narcissism. Instead, strive to form an identity that is defined by as little as possible. When we decide that certain behaviors or events represent our worth as a human being, things can get emotionally turbulent.

Brad (00:24:17):
And when things get emotionally turbulent, we tend to do really dumb shit. Instead, if you think of your life merely as a long sequences, a long sequence of decisions and actions, if you’re like most people, many of these decisions and actions are suboptimal. And what most of us mean when we say we’d like to change ourselves is simply that we’d like to make slightly more optimal decisions and actions. The trick is quitting smoking. The trick to quitting smoking, or changing any habit is to recognize that your identity, that elaborate mental framework you devised in your mind and labeled as me, doesn’t actually exist. It’s arbitrary. It’s a facade, and it can be raised or dropped at will. You’re not a smoker. You’re a person who chooses to smoke. No, this insight is from the second book. Everything Is F*cked, A book about hope, where Manson argues that creating a string of hope narratives is our defining purpose in life.

Brad (00:25:19):
If you have no hope, you will suffer from depression and anxiety. So what do we need for hope? We need a sense of control. We need something to believe in and something to value. And we need a community. How do we get to this point, uh, of, of, um, creating a string of hope narratives? Well realize that the emotional feeling brain actually rules over the rational thinking brain. We just pretend that it doesn’t, in our thinking, brain only emotion motivates us to action. So we need to get buy-in from, from emotions in order to take action toward a goal. The solution is to merge the thinking brain and the feeling brain. So if emotions rule only right, you’re going to become delusional, narcissistic, and in a habit of convincing the thinking brain that you’re always right. In contrast, if the thinking brain, uh, rules without the emotion, what’s gonna happen is you’re gonna suppress aspects of your personality.

Brad (00:26:24):
This is a classic example of what’s happening with religious and political dogma, where they’re trying to just get you to, uh, have the thinking brain overrule the emotions. I remember seeing the great play on Broadway. The Book of Mormon saw it again on the West coast in Sacramento. And they had the bit where the kid who was wrestling with his sexuality and the song was “turn it off, turn it off.” When those thoughts come up, da da, you just turn it off, turn it off. And that was the suggestion from the church <laugh> to, to deal with those thoughts and feelings are coming up, those emotions, right? Anyway, what you wanna do to have this merging, the beautiful merging of the thinking brain and the feeling brain, to be the best that you can be, is to weigh all logical decisions by asking yourself how you feel about it, and then assess the answer without judgment. You need to convince your feeling brain that it will benefit you, otherwise, you’re going to get stuck.

Brad (00:27:31):
A classic example where we’re trying to embark upon a healthy dietary strategy or fitness program, and you can write down all the goals you want and read all the books you want. But if your emotional brain is not convinced that it will benefit, um, you’re not gonna get started. You’re gonna be stuck. So, this is the reason that we don’t succeed with lifestyle change. Our feeling brain feels like we don’t deserve the success. Where does that come from? If you listen to the previous show, it comes from flawed childhood programming that is, controlling our behavior these days. Because subconscious programming controls 95% of our behavior. So if you don’t feel deserving of that beach body, like I described in the last show, you’re not going to adhere to a consistent fitness regimen. You need buy-in from the feeling brain.

Brad (00:28:26):
Here are Manson’s Laws of Emotion patterned after Newton’s laws of gravity. Um, first, every emotional reaction has an equal and opposite reaction. That’s what he calls a moral gap. Second, our self-worth is the sum of our emotions Over time, if we can’t equalize, we end up accepting inferiority, shame, and low self-worth. The flip side is delusional high self-worth. Both high and low self-worth are narcissistic because they imagine themselves. The people imagine themselves as something special and something separate from the world. Self-worth is an illusion, a form of persistent low level narcissism. Your identity will stay your identity until an event changes it. A network of value-based narratives determines our identity. So there’s two ways to heal and grow. First, we examine the narratives of your lives and reposition them. Second, visualize the future that you want for yourself, and make that your new identity.

Brad (00:29:33):
Remember when you talked about, you’re not a smoker, you’re just someone who chooses to smoke. So now, if you visualize a future that you’re gonna be a healthy fit person, you make that your new identity, then let the feeling brain try it on and become accustomed to it. This should be a difficult exercise, because that means you’re really getting ready to change the stories of our future. Define our hopes. The stories of your past, define our identity. Woo, pretty heavy stuff. Love Mark Manson. Think about it all the time, especially that dogged pursuit of self-worth and self-importance and self-esteem in today’s life. If you just switch that over to seeing your life as a series of decisions and actions, getting over yourself in a sense, um, it could lead toward more freedom, more happiness, and less stress.

Brad (00:30:31):
John Assaraf, the brain training expert, had a couple great shows with him. He talks about how we rewire brain neurons through tiny actions that are doable and non-intimidating. This will help you build confidence and help you start thinking differently. The brain has neuroplasticity, meaning it can become rewired for success and positivity. However, we do have a lot of obstacles to rewiring our brain, don’t we? Here are some of the main ones that he references. Fear, excessive stress in life, self-limiting beliefs, a negative mindset, a lack of emotional control and bad habits. Oh, man, those are some pretty major obstacles that come up again and again, those are very familiar. I’m gonna repeat the obstacles to success and to rewiring the brain fear, excessive stress, limiting beliefs, a negative mindset, lack of emotional control, and bad habits. Now, here are three ways that Assaraf suggests to change long-term behaviors. First is an epiphany. So I suppose that would be, you know, heading to the doctor for a checkup, and they say you’re gonna have to quit smoking now, or It’s gonna kill you, <laugh>.

Brad (00:31:54):
Maybe it’s, participating in a going over to the gym and, and doing a class and having a great time, and, you know, exploding into a more fitness oriented life because you had a positive experience, uh, hiking up to the top of the mountain and realizing that you could make it even though you didn’t think you could, that kind of thing. So, number one is an epiphany of some sort. Number two, change your environment. And number three, take baby steps. And this one’s coming up a lot for me lately, because, number one bestselling book of the last several years is called Atomic Habits by James Clear. And one of the most important takeaways that he offers is that for true habit change and lifestyle change, you have to take baby steps. ’cause we often get overwhelmed back to Mark Manson’s thinking brain, we’re really good at writing down all these awesome goals for our life, but then when they’re actually too daunting or they’re not aligned with our subconscious childhood programming, for example, we feel undeserving, they fall apart.

Brad (00:32:58):
So taking that baby step is really the best way to progress toward long-term behavior change, not taking the shortcut cold Turkey approach where you think you’re gonna transform your life tomorrow, and then you fail 17 times with that approach, and you get discouraged and you just accept, uh, the ruts that you get into. Uh, so I love that tip to take baby steps. And back to my, summary of my Thais Gibson show that I did in the first, the first of the series of, uh, highlight shows. Whew. Yeah. I talked about my, um, where my stated goals conflict with my behaviors, and I want to be more financially astute, responsible, and disciplined. So the baby step would be to spend a little more time looking at things like, uh, online banking instead of dreading it, and, you know, kind trying to distract myself from things that I, I state that I want to get better at.

Brad (00:33:57):
Okay, Dr. Ron Sinha, old friend, author of the South Asian Health Solution that we published at Primal Blueprint Publishing. Great book. He has a great podcast called the Meta Health Podcast, and he’s a physician running a unique wellness program for employees at major Silicon Valley tech companies. So he’s immersed into this super competitive and affluent work environment there in Silicon Valley, and dealing with, uh, a unique population of patients who are very highly compensated, but also suffer from a lot of stress. And so that becomes a key talking point in his interviews and his podcast. And so here’s some, uh, commentary from Dr. Sinha. If you’re pushing yourself or your loved ones toward external goals and setting higher and higher expectations while connsistently sacrificing nutrition, exercise, sleep, social connection, nature connection, and mindfulness, then you are chaining yourself to the hedonic treadmill and not making progress to a more fulfilling life, hedonism, right?

Brad (00:35:07):
So you’re, you’re on the rat race treadmill, you know, running and running trying to consume more, attain more, achieve more, and, uh, it’s not working. So the more you seek outside pleasures and accomplishments, hoping that they will somehow reset your thermostat to a higher level of happiness, but it simply doesn’t work. He talks about how people have some basic wiring for a basic level of happiness, uh, people seeing the glass half full or the glass half empty. And, um, that’s an interesting side note. I would hope that you could, uh, one could work on that and, you know, maybe, um, change some thinking patterns and behavior patterns to create a, a higher foundation level of happiness, especially if they feel like they’re in the glass half empty category at times. But anyway, he says if you’re thinking things like, well, maybe if I leave this job and join a startup, run my own business, make more money, get a nicer car, or push my kids harder and live through their success, then I’ll be happier, and it simply doesn’t work.

Brad (00:36:13):
And Silicon Valley, there’s a tremendous focus on constantly driving toward external goals to hopefully reset the thermostat. It rarely ever works. As a matter of fact, it creates sequentially greater and greater expectations that result in temporary highs. And then you’re back to your precent level of dissatisfaction, all those years of hard work and sacrifice. And I still feel like this. Does it sound familiar? Whew. Yeah, that’s rough, especially when you’re dealing with it’s arguably the most affluent workforce anywhere on the planet with the salaries that are paid in Silicon Valley. And the lifestyle, of course corresponding a high cost of living there. And, you know, the more you’re immersed into the scene, the more you have to go with it. And, um, it’s, it can be pretty rough at times, even though they’re, um, they’re, they’re making a good living and living a high standard anyway.

Brad (00:37:08):
Dr. Ron wants to give you some tips to overcome this tendency to operate on the hedonic treadmill. Number one is to identify, notice what’s going on here. And when you experience that disease, state of rumination, say it out loud and say, there I go, ruminating again. And he pays particular attention to the concept of rumination because, um, it’s, he contends that it’s an actual disease stake, like a metabolic disease, uh, that can be reflected in a health and a medical screening. So when you’re ruminating a lot, uh, you’ll have, you know, things like higher blood pressure, higher stress hormone levels, lower immune function, lower sex hormone levels. You’re just in the high hectic, high stress, modern life scene. And rumination is a really bad attribute that can destroy your health. And so, when you ruminate about the past, that generally promotes depression and ruminating about the future, generally promotes anxiety.Identify and notice when you’re ruminating, say it out loud.

Brad (00:38:15):
Next, categorize. Be familiar with the common rumination movie that you play in your head. Um, such as things like high expectations and social comparisons. So, categorize your ruminations, then externalize, grab some popcorn, and watch the ruminating thoughts like a movie that reminds me of Dan Millman’s advice. He says, live your entire life as if you are watching a movie. So you’re totally connected. You’re gonna cry when there’s a sad scene. You’re gonna laugh, you’re gonna be happy when there’s a positive scene. But when the movie’s over, you get up and walk outta the theater and go on with your life. So letting things go was Dan Millman’s continued message there in his books, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior Series, and Dr. Ron giving the same advice. So, have a healthy distance away from your ruminations, and watch them like you’re watching a movie, and then let it go and move on.

Brad (00:39:17):
Next tip from Dr. Ron. Detach and and distract. Rumination is sticky and it will pin you to your office, chair, your couch or bed, so you’ll feel helpless and paralyzed. You’ll literally become a victim or prisoner of your own thoughts, immediately detach yourself from your rumination environment, and then positively distract yourself with exercise, reaching out to a friend, reading a book you enjoy doing something creative, going out in nature. The simple act of working in a public place, like a coffee house, other than in my solitary office, says, Dr. Ron makes a huge difference.

Brad (00:39:50):
Next tip, be present, ruminating about the past. Depression, ruminating about future anxiety. The space in between is the present and mindfulness practices like meditation can help you get back to your center. Next, pause and reflect. Become the wise elder every now and then. Ask yourself if you’re constantly running on that hedonic treadmill and forcing your family down a similar path. Prioritize your mind and body and encourage those you love to do the same. Remember, you cannot reset your thermostat through inces material pursuits, and external goal achievements. Finally, the last tip, get help. For many. The rumination movies continue to dominate their lives, despite using some of the above techniques. There are past experiences and traumas that have become strongly embedded into our psyche and need to be addressed by mental health professional. Unfortunately, seeking help is often considered taboo to the very individuals and cultures that need it most. Oh boy.

Brad (00:40:51):
Okay, few, short ones. And working our way toward the finish line of the Part two Highlight Show on general topics of personal growth. Doctor Judson Brandeis had a couple of good shows with him. He’s the male urology and sexual health expert. And, he contends that actually 95% of erectile dysfunction is psychological, not any problem with your plumbing. You can determine this if you take the commonly prescribed drugs and they work, but the psychological stuff is a little more difficult to unwind. However, if you do have some issues with your vascularity and the health of your sexual organ, um, consider this a 10 year advance warning for heart disease. So what happens is, with bad circulatory health, the small blood vessels in your penis get clogged before the bigger ones in your cardiovascular system. So, um, how do you, how do you correct course here? Of course, all the healthy lifestyle habits like improving your sleep habits, your dietary habits, your exercise habits, improving your vascular health, and at Dr.

Brad (00:42:13):
Brandeis Clinic, he also has some really great treatments. The GAINSWave treatment modality that I’ve talked about on the podcast before and advertise where you can find a provider in your area is one of the great suggestions where you do shockwave therapy to improve the vascular function. It’s particularly directed for sexual health, but you know, overall cleaning up your lifestyle and considering some interventions if necessary to get things right when you get that 10 year warning sign against the, the real bad stuff.

Brad (00:42:47):
Jake Steiner, the expert on vision and the creator of the organization end myopia.org. You could find him on Facebook. He’s done some great work challenging some of the foundational premises of using corrective eyewear throughout your life. And so, he explains that when you put on a pair of eyeglasses, they lock your ocular muscles into a spasm, so they lock you into a good vision.

Brad (00:43:17):
So everything improves immediately, and the screen, like screen looks more clear, but they actually act like a cast on your wrist or what have you. And they cause weakening atrophy and increased reliance upon stronger and stronger eyewear over time. So instead, he encourages you to try and challenge your eyes with quote, a little bit of blur end quote. So you don’t wanna challenge your eyes too much and get headaches and get eye strain, but you want those ocular muscles to work and maintain their health and their, uh, viability over time, rather than putting them into, uh, a spasm and a cast and having them atrophy over time. So, um, if you’re thinking about a prescription lenses, the idea is to use them only when you need them, um, as sparingly as possible, but teetering on that balance of, uh, not straining your eyes, but not just reflexively throwing on glasses every time you look at a screen or need him for long distance.

Brad (00:44:26):
William Shewfelt, the multi-talented young man who was a leading player in the health and fitness scene, hosting podcasts, writing books, and then also transitioned over to his acting endeavors. And then lately I understand he’s pursuing a music career, and he had such a great attitude when we were talking, you know, we were gonna talk about health and fitness topics, but he was also talking about his mindset, his goal setting strategy, his daily routines and behaviors. And I think at the time, he was like 23 years old, and I’m sitting across from him at the interview going, dang, you got a lot of stuff figured out that a lot of people struggle with son, so let’s hear some more. But one of the great anecdotes he talked about was the big break that he got in his acting career where he was chosen to be one of the Power Rangers.

Brad (00:45:18):
I think he’s the red colored Power Rangers, his name Brody, the Power Ranger. Yeah. So he was, um, a power ranger in the TV series, and the tryouts for the spot were 10,000 people. So with one in 10,000 odds, he was selected as Brody, the Power Ranger, despite not having any professional acting experience. He was acting in, uh, college plays at the Playhouse, at UCSan Diego. But what happened when he found out about this opportunity, as he described in the show, he set his intention and he resolved that he would never give up, that he was going to succeed as an actor, even when people believed that he, he couldn’t do it. And just locking into that mindset. And every time he made the long drive during college to drive up to Los Angeles to go on tryouts and do all the things that you need to do if you’re trying to make it as an actor, he never once gave himself an out or allowed negative thoughts or self-doubt to creep in.

Brad (00:46:20):
He just said, it’s gonna happen for me. I’m gonna get a break. I’m gonna continue working hard. And it was a really powerful message because when we continue talking about it, you realize that the odds weren’t really one in 10,000, because the vast majority of those 10,000 people were not really locked in with his mindset that he was determined and certain that he would succeed. So if you go around Los Angeles, you can definitely meet 10,000 people who are aspiring actors, wishing that they would be the next Tom Cruise, or perhaps next Brody, the Power Ranger, but they’re also, uh, waiters and surfers and, uh, DoorDash drivers and doing all the things they can to scrape by. But when that mindset shifts a little bit to where you are hoping quote, hoping quote, trying and using terms like that to describe your acting ambition, that’s when you cut yourself off from the force.

Brad (00:47:20):
Indeed. So when you think about the people that are totally dedicated to do whatever it takes, uh, to succeed in a very competitive environment, you start to narrow the playing field significantly. The same reflection occurs to me back when I was, uh, striving to make it as a professional triathlete. I was so consumed with the challenge, and my motivation was so pure. I loved the journey so much and was so captivated by the process of improving every day and working hard and competing against the best and not really attaching my self-esteem to the results where I was on a rollercoaster ride. It was more of fun and challenge and striving and exploring my potential. I attribute that to my eventual ability to succeed and make it a career, is that I wanted it for the right reasons, and I was incredibly determined and had incredibly high self-belief no matter what, no matter, even if I got my ass kicked, or in the comparative example to Shewfelt and his acting career, a lot of those actors, um, you know, they want a part really bad.

Brad (00:48:24):
They want a part really bad. Their agent says they’re in the final running, and they said, well, there was four people and they chose one and you didn’t make it. And they get devastated and they cry, and they tell themselves a story, and then they start repeating those stories and, and embedding those experiences into their mindset rather than that experience. Rather than that, you know, most empowering mindset of determination and appreciation of the journey.

Brad (00:48:48):
Oh, I had sleep expert Jeff Kahn on the show quite a while ago, and we talked plenty about optimal sleep habits and how it affects health. You’ve probably heard a ton of commentary on sleep yourself, but he had a really good takeaway insight that I think we can all put in our pocket. And, remember as we strive to optimize sleep, he asks you to think about your sleeping hours as a bank account.

Brad (00:49:15):
And when you do experience a deficit for whatever reason, maybe it’s travel or you had a rough night of sleep, or you had to wake up early, or you stayed up late, you kind of can keep track of what deficit you’re at, and then strive to make that up over time. So if you have concluded that you require eight hours of sleep every night to function at your best, and one night you get seven, now you have a one hour deficit in your sleep bank account that you’re going to try to make up perhaps by sleeping an extra 30 minutes on both days of the weekend. So if it’s seven days a week, eight hours a night is your personal optimal, that’s 56 hours in a week, and you can kind of just keep a running scoreboard to help you prioritize sleep.

Brad (00:50:03):
And yes, indeed, your body is actually pretty good at making up for lost sleep, especially with naps, as you probably know from listening to the, so I’m a huge fan of naps, and I feel like after a 20 minute afternoon nap, I wake up feeling so refreshed and energized that I simply can’t do without it if I want to be a productive, focused and mood balanced, positive energy person. So yeah, sleep, the sleep scoreboard, the sleep bank account has to be in balance and all other health aspirations flow downstream from having that bank account with the proper balance in it. Even if you’re deficient on a certain type of sleep like REM sleep or deep sleep, your body has a great innate ability to make up for the sleep that you need, that you’re deficient on. What happens in the course of a evening period of sleep is you prioritize deep sleep early in the night, and then you prioritize rem sleep in the morning as you’re about to wake up.

Brad (00:51:05):
So, if you had an early morning wake up call for a flight, you’re gonna be a little deficient on REM sleep, and that might be the type of sleep that dominates If you’re able to find a, find a way to fall asleep on the airplane flight. And if you stay up late at night, then you’re gonna be deficient on deep sleep, and you’ll want to be, you’ll be automatically making that up, uh, when you take your next nap or perhaps your next night of sleep.

Brad (00:51:29):
Okay, Dr. Robert Lustig, the fantastic book, the Hacking of the American Mind, we’re gonna end this episode with a nice overview of the important points that he makes in that book. And basically what he’s saying in the descriptive term on the book, in the last 40 years, government legislation and subsidies have promoted an ever available temptation combined with constant stress, with the end result of an unprecedented epidemic of addiction, anxiety, depression, and chronic disease.

Brad (00:52:06):
With the advent of neuromarketing, profit seeking forces of corporate America have successfully imprisoned us in an endless loop of desire and consumption from which there is no obvious escape. Lustig says that the assorted vices that are being pedaled to us by very powerful marketing forces attack the same hormonal response until the brain is flooded with instant gratification, dopamine, and has less and less chance of feeling happy. And content that is, there is no more space for the serotonin pathways to be lit up. Those are the, that’s the brain chemical that promotes happiness, contentment the feeling of a life wel-lived, where dopamine, they often call it the pleasure chemical. It’s actually the or the reward chemical. It’s actually the motivation chemical. It’s the, um, the, the thing that drives you to seek pleasure. So, um, these vices have been presented to us, uh, according to Dr.

Brad (00:53:12):
Lustig, that are very, very effective at flooding the dopamine pathways. Remember in the last show I talked about Dr. Anna Lembke and the opponent process reaction, where if you work hard and strive and, and struggle and persevere, you do indeed get a spike of dopamine and serotonin. You feel happy and you feel satisfied and content, and then when you return back to baseline, there’s no crash. The crash comes from flooding the dopamine pathways without having to make a concerted effort. So getting easy, instant gratification pleasures, and that pretty much describes the high tech, modern life. So, uh, here are some of the vices that Dr. Lustig talks about in the book. Sugar and processed foods, that’s his main area of expertise. So, nutrient deficient, processed foods give us that instant gratification, pleasure. And, <laugh> not much in the way of nutrition.

Brad (00:54:08):
Of course, next, and perhaps the most profound influence on modern life in comparison to, um, past decades is the, uh, digital technology, uh, especially social media. And the, uh, quote, intermittent variable rewards. That’s a term from Tristan Harris, director of the nonprofit organization for responsible use of technology. But we, when we get intermittent variable rewards, that is the most effective way to spike dopamine. And what that term means is that you’re not sure what you’re gonna get. So it’s not a consistent reward like a sugar or processed food, but it’s a feed of social media content that’s different in varying and ever changing. Same with your text message string. You don’t know what that ding represents. It’s someone new, it’s someone special. And that’s where, uh, we get this, you know, really high pension for addiction.

Brad (00:55:09):
What’s the, one of the best examples of intermittent variable rewards that are addictive are the slot machines in Las Vegas. So people will sit there for hours pulling the arm every time I think you have to, you can just push a button now, you don’t even have to grab the slot machine arm, but the intermittent variable rewards the potential for a jackpot, even though, you’re probably not gonna get it most of the time. So, digital technology, sugar and processed foods, caffeine, marijuana and other street drugs, antidepressants, painkillers and other prescription drugs, chronic exercise, that extreme pursuit of the exercise high, casual sex, independent of loving partnership, video games and pornography. Uh, these stimulate the dopamine pathways such that we want more and more and also the pursuit of income and consumption and financial status also stimulate dopamine pathways.

Brad (00:56:05):
So we want more and more note that the happiest countries in the world with the happiness scoreboards. You can read articles about this, where they actually try to identify a ranking of the happiest countries they’re concentrated in Scandinavia. It’s like Iceland, Norway, Finland, Denmark in the rankings, number one, number two, number three, Sweden. What they have there distinctively is income equality, so much more income equality than, for example, the United States of America, which has the greatest income disparity in the history of a civilized society where the top 1% control, what is it, 80% of the country’s wealth, that kind of thing. And that lends itself to, uh, unhappiness and FOMO and consumerism and so forth. So the, the happy countries have income, equality, and community connection. Lustig says, uh, it’s important to realize that once you, once you meet your basic survival needs, more income does not equate, uh, with more contentment and instead drives more consumerism.

Brad (00:57:06):
Reward is not contentment, and contentment is not happiness. So we have that critical distinction, reward associated with the dopamine pathways and the flooding of the dopamine pathways with The Hacking of the American Mind and contentment with things that we struggle and persevere through and achieve success. That’s kind of the essence of a healthy, happy content. Modern life is that persevering through difficulty. So here’s four concepts that drive habit formation and apply to these vices that are presented to us, right? Number one is the trigger. Something that grabs your attention even when you don’t want it to. Number two is the action. This soothes the trigger. Uh, it’s something that’s easy to do and doesn’t require thinking. For example, clicking on your or pulling up your social media feed. Number three is the variable reward.

Brad (00:58:05):
So these are things like social validation. How many likes did you get? You don’t know until you check, and you might have more today than yesterday and put your, uh, up and down, uh, on, on your happiness accordingly, or your, your sense of pleasure. So things that have variable rewards. I talked about slot machines, social validation, social media a video game score. If you are, uh, playing a lot of gaming, you’re gonna get a score, and that’s gonna be a variable reward. And then finally, uh, the investment, uh, necessary to drive the habit. That’s the internal rationalization where you soothe the itch in a culturally acceptable manner. Okay? So, I think the, the best takeaway from the book is to pay attention to what these corporate giants are doing, especially the providers of internet content. These are the smartest and highest trained people in the world, uh, cultivating an experience just for you with the sole purpose of getting you to spend as much time as possible to distracted from the other tasks, responsibilities, and pursuits of your busy day in order to engage with their technology platforms.

Brad (00:59:16):
It’s our, it’s up to us to have the discipline and the structure in life to be able to put those devices away and engage in things that build, uh, happiness, contentment satisfaction, such as deep, meaningful work as the title of Cal Newport book, conveys the book Deep Work and also social experiences, entertainment, and, uh, things that are away from technology. Not to mention the other things on the list. I mean, look at, sugar and processed foods comparing to spending time shopping for preparing nutritious meals, enjoying them in a reasonable calm and sociable manner with other people. One of the great pleasures of life is sitting down to a meal, a homecooked meal with family. And that has been, uh, decimated for the last several decades with the fast food industry and the easy access to, uh, indulgent processed foods. And I can go on and on down the list, of course, comparing, porn addiction and indiscriminate sexual activity versus the, uh, the happiness contentment and higher calling of a loving partnership and so on and so on.

Brad (01:00:28):
Okay. That does it for part two of the multi-part series on highlights from B.radpodcast interviews. Thank you so much for listening, watching. Let me know how you think, how you feel podcast@bradventures.com to email. Thank you.

Brad (01:00:45):
Thank you so much for listening to the B.rad Podcast. We appreciate all feedback and suggestions. Email, podcast@bradventures.com and visit brad kearns.com to download five free eBooks and learn some great long cuts to a longer life. How to optimize testosterone naturally, become a dark chocolate connoisseur and transition to a barefoot and minimalist shoe lifestyle.