Get ready for a fantastic show with my good friend Tara Garrison!
Tara is an Instagram/fitness sensation and certified personal trainer, nutritionist, and mindset coach who helps high performers and everyday people be their best. In today’s show, Tara shares her incredible and touching backstory in the hopes of inspiring you to join her in the journey she has been on to transform her entire existence. You will hear Tara’s amazing personal story of transformation, starting from her challenging and traumatic childhood and family life, how she found her way and discovered her personal power to become a spiritual and healthy lifestyle guide, and how she lost everything and was forced to forge a new path for herself, all by herself.
You will also hear the reflections Tara has learned that will help you check in with yourself and monitor your stress/rest balance, mindset, goals, ego, and reasons for consuming and participating in social media. It is so helpful to hear from someone on this path, especially when you hear Tara continually express her gratitude for so many things in her life that would make most people feel pretty resentful.
A powerful guide in Tara’s life is intuition. Listen to your body. You don’t need a strict and rigid schedule. [05:01]
Tara went from being overweight and regimented in her diet to finding a more casual approach that brought r6esults she wanted. [11:22]
What was the journey Tara took to get to her present state to really unhealthy? It was a trauma response. [13:27]
There is much mindset work that you have to do on a journey to getting healthy. [19:30]
You learn so much by working with a coach. [24:37]
How does one have a real relationship with your body? [27:08]
When you are trying to override unhealthy cravings, learn to meditate to educate your body on what is the best thing for how you want to live your life. [31:35]
Are you going to choose the old patterns or the new patterns? [36:20]
It is hard to make that change from “I should” or “I have to” to “I want to do this for myself.” [40:49]
In what way were the plant medicines and alternative health practices a catalyst for Tara? [51:03]
Learn to really feel what you are feeling and learn from that what is most helpful to personal growth. [54:41]
Guilt is one of the most corrosive emotions. [01:03:01]
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Welcome to the B.rad podcast, where we explore ways to pursue peak performance with passion throughout life without taking ourselves too seriously. I’m Brad Kearns, New York Times bestselling author, former number three world-ranked professional triathlete and Guinness World Record Masters athlete. I connect with experts in diet, fitness, and personal growth, and deliver short breather shows where you get simple, actionable tips to improve your life right away. Let’s explore beyond the hype, hacks, shortcuts, and sciencey talk to laugh, have fun and appreciate the journey. It’s time to B.rad.
Listeners, what’s it gonna be? Old patterns or new patterns? <laugh> Get ready for a very intense, lively, energetic, and deep show with my friend Tara Garrison. She is a health, life fitness peak performance coach based in beautiful Utah, and she brings the energy like few others. I had a fantastic conversation with her. I so appreciate her amazing journey that she’s been on of healing and transforming and trying to get better and better.
Uh, so if you check out her Instagram or her website, TaraGarrison.com, you will see a super fit Rip City six-pack girl crushing it at the gym. But the nuances and the complexity of her story are really fascinating, and she gets into it, uh, in a very, uh, vulnerable and compelling manner during the conversation. So I greatly appreciate people who can do that, who have the courage and the strength to share, uh, just about everything you need to know about being a better human without the, uh, sugarcoating and the glossy <laugh>, unnecessary posturing. So you’re gonna get to know the real terror here, and we don’t talk much about fitness and working out, even though that’s, uh, kind of our, uh, core connection. We had another show where I believe we talked about that more. She’s especially an expert in neuro typing and how your workouts and your lifestyle behaviors, uh, influence your neurotransmitters and how you can optimize that.
So I’m gonna get her on to talk about that further. We talk about it a little at the end, but boy, this is a journey, uh, of healing and hope and breaking free from, uh, flawed behavior patterns that have come from your past. And especially boy, some of the juicy stuff in the middle. I’m like furiously taking sticky notes that I will put on my wall, uh, because she talks about the, the, the true secret to transforming your lifestyle, uh, your goals, your process of setting goals. It’ll flip it on its ear. It’s gonna, it’s gonna rock your world really great. Uh, little teaser. You don’t need to set any goals. You don’t have to go to the gym. You can eat whatever you want. And if we start from this place of openness, then we can really discover, uh, what makes us tick, uh, what, what it means to live a rich, enjoying, satisfying, meaningful life, but doing it the right way rather than feeling, uh, obligated and compelled to do so from outside voices of culture or people around us, or flawed subconscious programming.
How about that for an intro? Yeah. Get ready for Tara Garrison. Tara Garrison. I feel bad because I didn’t hit record right away, but as soon as your face lights up the screen, you can tell this tremendous powerhouse energy. So I think the first thing we need to do is, uh, tell us your Instagram account, because when you go on there, you get the same incredible energy motivation and also the, the skillful execution of the exercises. I learn so much every time I look at you. My special favorite recently was, um, where you’re doing the one-legged, um, split squats, and you’re like, people don’t push down on your back leg. That’s cheating. I’m like, oh crap. No wonder my back leg gets sore because I’m using it to do the one-legged squat instead of the proper manner. Okay, where do we go on Instagram for, for energy and inspiration?
It’s Coach Tara Garrison, and it’s t a r a. And it’s the same thing on TikTok as well, and a lot if you like, just mostly workouts. TikTok is mostly workouts. Instagram is all of me. My stories, it’s, it’s all of it. It’s the mindset coaching, the workouts, the nutrition, like all of that. But if you just like workouts, TikTok is the place and yeah, those, those Bulgarian split squats, I’m like, I’m calling you guys out. Cuz when I hear people say, oh, I don’t think they’re that hard. I’m like, I know exactly what you’re doing, <laugh>. You’re not le, you’re leaning on that back leg. You’re just kicking yourself right up.
Uh, so so tell me about when you turn the phone on when you’re driving and you just get these, uh, stream of consciousness and what, what, what’s that all about?
That’s exactly what it is. Like my whole life is led by intuition. My whole business, my just, uh, I, I, I consider myself highly connected to my intuition and just sometimes stuff will just flow through me and it’s like, now share it. Go. You know? And so I just listen to that. I just honor that. Um, so it’s usually like something that’s like I, I don’t know, I get a ping that I feel that it’s needed to share a message and I just honor it. And that’s most of my social media, you know, sometimes it’s like a workout, but even with workouts, I’m like, I really check in real. And I’m like, does this seem like this would be beneficial to people? Like should, you know, it’s this kind of like, check in with myself, should I share this? It’s like, yeah, yeah, yeah, people need that. So I kind of live my whole life that way. And so that’s what you see on those lives.
That’s an interesting word. It’s like my favorite, uh, concept relating to athletic training, especially my career as a triathlete where I had so many struggles trying to adhere to a fixed and rigid schedule because I was so focused, disciplined, and competitive. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And then getting my ass kicked over and over, I realized that I had to cultivate my intuition to be my best as an athlete. And that meant often departing from the plan and giving myself permission to rest more. And then on the flip side, which is not talked about enough, I think, but when I was training from that intuitive base, uh, I could also at times push myself way beyond what I thought was capable because I didn’t have these constraints on either side. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I’d go and ride, uh, 200 miles with Johnny G one day mm-hmm. <affirmative> when I thought a hundred miles was a long ride. Wow. But when I was able to break free from this mindset that I had to check boxes every day, I had to be constrained and right. You know, we go through school and we go through life with everyone trying to control us. And then when you can, when you can, uh, escape from that, it sounds like you’ve had a similar, um, experience Yeah. Or journey.
Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that. I love that. I love hearing that. Because what happens is, instead of being this kind of victim of these external rules of I’m supposed to blah, blah, blah, which completely disempowers you, you’re in the moment you’re with yourself. And like, I always tell even my clients, I’m like, listen, like I don’t know what happened yesterday emotionally to you. If you just got some horrible news and it just freaking gutted you. Or if you slept terrible last night, or, you know, there’s all sorts of factors on the daily. Like, so don’t, like, yes, these are my recommendations for you, but also like, if you slept to terribly and you’re like, you’re sick or something’s going on, like please give yourself the freedom to rest. Go for a walk. You know? And so a lot of what I’m teaching my clients is that same intuitive thing. Because when you’re with yourself, I love what you said is like higher performance. Um, I used to run marathons for a long time. That was my thing. And
Sorry to hear that, Tara
And um, you know, like for me, uh, I would wear a Garmin in the races, but I would never look at it during the races. I only wore it cuz I wanted to see the splits afterwards because I knew that if I, if I used this external invite device, like there were times I was running five minute something pace in the middle of a 26 mile marathon that I, looking back on those, I’m like, that would’ve psyched me out if I saw on mile eight that I was running like a 5:50 pace. And I looked at it, I’d be like, oh my dude, slow down, slow down. And so I, I preferred to run into intuitively to just whatever feels good right now, just do that. You gotta energy? Go. You need to slow down a little? Fine. Like in staying in the moment, I do find the same thing as it leads to better performance overall because you’re working with, there’s a quote I love, I’ll share real quick.
It’s from like Sherlock Holmes TV show or something. But it is like the best quote on intuition I’ve ever heard. And it’s intuitions represent too many data points for the conscious mind to comprehend. I love that. So like that when you’re eating intuitively, working out intuitively, like with your sleep, with your mental stress, your bandwidth, like what you can handle, if you will just come back into self and it’s like, what, what do I need right now? The, the whole path gets so much easier. And I find it leads to much higher performance than this like, small box that we put ourselves in of, wow, I have to do what big mean. Mommy Tara, Coach Tara says, I have to do like, it’s so beneath us. You know? So it’s like, yes, it’s good to have a plan to have a path, but like also honoring yourself and following like what your heart is saying, what your body’s saying, what your soul is saying, your gut. Like, to me that leads to higher performance overall. So I leave my live my whole life that way.
So you’ve created a life that allows you to listen. And what I see generally is the more, uh, regimentation we have in place, we don’t even have time to check in with our intuition.
Right. And I’d like, I am the most, I say this with love and not to be annoying to people. Like I’ve realized this’s probably true cuz I used to be overweight. But I am the most effortlessly lean, strong feeling amazing at like, it feels pretty much ev it’s just it in flow with my life because I’m living this way. When I used to have still a little bit of like, okay, well don’t eat too much today, or, oh, you better hit a little more cardio today. And like all these external things I was supposed to do, it was always hard. It was always hard to maintain my physique and I just didn’t feel as good. Now it’s just like, are you hungry or are you not okay? You know, the ropes, like, do you need more protein? Do you need more fat? Do you need more? Like what are you needing right now? Oh yeah. It’s just easier. It’s so much easier. And it has yielded better results for me in terms of body composition, athletic performance, everything by just honoring what I need as I go being, you know, as rom das says, be here now <laugh>.
So you’re saying that you’re not constantly stressed and, uh, lit up about maintaining your six pack. You do it effortlessly, which I’m asking in, in, uh, in jest here. But it’s also probably an important topic to discuss because I think, um, a lot of the, uh, influencers and the people we see, uh, representing the highest level of fitness and peak performance are really, uh, worked up and and tightly wound at all times. Yeah. It doesn’t seem that healthy to me, even though they’re getting these tangible results like the glistening female six pack.
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. Well, what’s been interesting is like, I’m actually kind of shocked, like it’s been an aha for me cuz I went from overweight to that to what you’re talking about. I, I went through that phase
Of you went on, you, you touched on all the all the edges of the teeter-totter, huh? Yes.
I, I went from standard American diet. Like as bad as that gets honestly to psychotically obsessed with fitness like, you know, I would say definitely bordering like exercise bulimia, orthorexia, you know what I mean? Like, just way too, my whole life was wrapped around it to now being in the middle. And I’ve been like that, that’s what’s been shocking is like, I was like, oh wow, it can be ease. I didn’t realize, like I’m quite frankly kind of surprised how little effort I feel like I’m putting in at least mentally, right? Like, I have the habits in place I loved, but my reasons are different. Right. I love to go to the gym, I love it. It’s playtime for me. It’s recess. I love like being like a dog with my tongue hanging out, run, you know, running sprints and in lifting heavy.
Like, it’s literally fun for me. And then I also honor like, okay, like I take so many supplements cuz I’m like, why not? I’ve run labs on myself. I have all the, like, I’m so lucky I get to nurture my body with all these things. Like, and then food, it’s like, it’s honoring if I need more sleep or I’m more hungry, less hungry. It’s just a very honoring mindset. Right. Or if one day I get to the gym and it’s like, no dude, like you need a chill day, I’ll just walk. You know? And like honoring that, I’ve been surprised how much ease, like, I, I really truly didn’t know it was possible. But I think actually a lot of that kind of psycho route I took, I learned a lot in that route. I learned about macronutrients, I learned about food quality. I learned how to train. I learned a lot of the ropes through that crazy time. You know. So I actually think like everybody’s journey looks different. But I don’t know that I could have gone, to be honest, I don’t know that I could have gone from like standard American diet to like where I am at now without going through that intensive crazy time.
Right. It’s like politics. We have to have kind of a slingshot. If we get something extreme, we often, try to work our way back to that, that eventual goal of being in balance. Uh, but take us from the, uh, from the one extreme to the other with, with some more details. So you used to be, um, quite, quite unhealthy. Uh, and how, how’d you get there? <laugh> and, okay. And how’d you, how’d you become interested in like, uh, turning the corner?
So based, I mean, I grew up, I was always one of those kids that was kind of chubby, right? Kind of overweight, not, not obese, but overweight, right.
People if you’re, if you’re watching on YouTube right now and you’re seeing the muscle definition in her shoulders as she gestures about the chubby kid, it’s absolutely. I’m not sure. I believe you, you might have to show some pictures <laugh>. Okay. Okay. Yeah. There’s
Some some beep in my Instagram I haven’t posted for a
While’s. That’s, that’s a good interesting point because, um, I think a lot of people form these fixed and rigid beliefs that they have a certain body type just like their mom and their grandma. And they, they feed into this their entire life. So maybe you did grow up the chubby kid due to whatever influences, including familial genetics
And lifestyle. Mostly lifestyle. Cuz we were, I, I grew up poor. And so the food that was, and, and it was that time period I was born in 1982. So like, it was like right through the thick of like, everybody just eats fast food like that. Nobody really even like sure knew about health gyms. Nobody went to gyms when I was little. And so actually my mom ran in the Olympic trials for track. So she was like kind of an ectomorph naturally. And then my dad is kind of like a mesomorph. I’ve realized he’s, you know, I’ve, I’ve watched it now that I know more. I’m like, interesting. So for me it was purely lifestyle. Just not, uh, once I was chubby, I was too afraid to try out for sports. Mm. I didn’t, you know, I felt like all the kids would be better than me.
So, um, and then, you know, eating standard American diet, growing up, having four kids and after my fourth I was, I don’t know cuz I didn’t test. But I would say I was, you know, guessing off of the work I do now, somewhere between like 35 and 40% body fat. And then for me, the, the trigger which I openly share often, it was trauma. Uh, it was marriage trauma. I just, I developed this belief system that I wasn’t enough. So I, that’s why I went so hard in that direction. Cause it was a total trauma response of I need to be better, look better. Mm. You know, like I, I can fix this myself. Just all this muck that needed to be dealt with, which I have. But that’s what drove me into that really extreme place was pure trauma response. And I’d say most of the people that I work with that are in that really extreme place, it is some sort of trauma response to be that extreme of like proving when we get deep on the deeper layers, there’s some sort of like proving I have to be like that to be safe, lovable, worthy, blah, blah, blah.
Even though they might not wanna admit that, but not, I’m not saying that’s always the case. Very common though. And so that’s where I was at. And then as I embarked in my healing journey of soul work, uh, for me, plant medicines have been very instrumental. Working with therapists, coaches, uh, like unbelievable levels of personal work on my own. Just a lot of time in silence and nature. Um, reading good books, doing actual work, journaling, workbooks, you know, through that journey. I’ve now come to a place where, um, it’s everything that I do is a, is a want to and done with love and, and care. And so it’s, if, if I’m feeling like overly stressed or I’m like, ah, like that feels unkind to myself and I’m like, what’s going on there? Mm. And I’m like, Hmm, yeah, no, I’m, I won’t tolerate that.
Like, it’s, it’s like a, I’m like a, a guardian of my inner child is what it feels like, and making sure she’s good and making sure I’m good, you know. And so what has happened is, like, I went from this, I’d say very typical woman. Like, there’s so many women like that where you’re just kind of overweight. You’re not like obese. You’re like the kind of overweight crowd and like nothing, you can’t ever figure it out too. Well, I figured it out real good. <laugh> too good. Yeah. You know, I went crazy on it. And then I, for me it was, um, doing my inner work that helped me to heal and, and release all this pressure from myself. And like, it’s, it was more about what do I need now, right? Saying in the hearing now more. And it’s been a lot of work. It’s been a lot. I’m not trying to undermine how much work that will be if somebody wants to do all that. Like, it’s been a, I’ve been going ham for like the last six, seven years, like crazy, you know? So, but it has led me to this place of like a really beautiful place. I didn’t know was possible. So I’m grateful for the whole crazy journey.
So you started the real healing journey as a fit person with walking around with the glistening six pack. So in many ways you had done some great things for your body. You were feeling good, you were sending the right signals to your hormones, neurotransmitters as we’ll. Talk about further. Um, however, it seems as though as you, as you described the motivations to do so, you’re motivated by, uh, anger, fear, fear, all these, all these negative things that got you up and out of your couch position into the gym.
And so it sounds like a staircase where at least you were taking care of your body.
Let’s put the motivators aside for a moment. You were still out there pushing weights up in the air.
Yeah. And I, you know what? I’m glad you said it that way cuz I don’t feel like I framed that well. I do think the beginning of my healing journey was, was in that trauma response of getting healthy because nothing is like, it’s not like I was only in a bad way at that time in my life. Nothing is that simple. I was also fascinated by the human body, like learning so much increasing Yes. My mental health, like, I did end up getting divorced, which was very needed for me in my life. I got out of a major religion, which was a huge thing for me. Like, I mean, we’re talking drop a nuke on your life and start over. That’s the level of crazy. But, but getting healthier gave me, not even gave me the strength. It’s not even that it woke me up.
I always call it my accidental personal awakening. It was like all of a sudden I was like, yeah, I’m not okay with this, this, this. Like, there is so much mindset work that you do on a journey to getting healthy. You have to, you have to be brutally honest with yourself about all your patterns. You know, like you, you have to learn like self-belief and, and and, and believing in yourself to be able to change those patterns. There’s so much self-talk that has to come in or you just won’t get there. Right. So there was a part of the journey, definitely the mindset work started as I got more fit. Mm. And then, but the spiritual aspect of that healing journey came as I came out of that back into the, the middle of the pendulum swing is where I’d say I am now. <laugh>.
Um, yeah. And the pendulum’s always capable of swinging. So it’s a, it’s a day by day process. Yeah. And workout by workout, decision by decision. But at least you have all these habits underneath where, if Tara springs out today, it’s that day when you went to the gym, when you were a little overtrained, you did one set and you go, maybe I should just do a walk. So that was like your, that was a, that was a detour rather than months of, you know, self torture of whatever.
Right. <laugh>, you get it.
So the thing that comes to mind here is that there are probably a lot of people that are deeply immersed into fitness and physical, taking care of the body. I see a lot of that in the endurance scene that I was in for so long mm-hmm. <affirmative> or any sort of gym scene mm-hmm. <affirmative> where it’s almost, you know, imperceptible mm-hmm. <affirmative>. That there’s a missing spiritual component where if you can just get in shape, then everything in life is wonderful and you’ve finished your personal healing and hard work journey. Uh, and I wonder if you kind of, uh, pick up on any of that, especially as you work with clients and real people where it’s kind of, it’s covering up so well, uh, the, the pain and suffering that’s going on internally because, well, I mean, you can, you can show the same thing for, uh, earning a, a, a good income and consuming, uh, you know, luxury items as well as, you know, having a really fit body. Uh, it, it sort of seems like a coverup in a lot of ways. Or just training super hard, like an endurance athlete day after day after day.
Yeah. And I’m not saying that people who are, you know, ultra marathoners or these amma maybe that they just love it, you know, and that’s part of it too is like, I had a client recently that, well, she’s still a client, but she was, um, shaming herself. Her family didn’t understand her love for exercise. She’s loved it since she was a little girl. She took herself to her own, she won state championships and things in high school, just all on her own, like complete. And so like part of her healing work was just owning just, no, no, no. It’s, there’s nothing wrong with you. Do you, does this, do you love this? You just let, yeah. That’s also an a possibility. You know, it’s like sometimes it’s okay to do. It’s more than okay. I encourage everyone to do things they love doing. Um, and for her that was like, just kind of the permission that she needed.
Like, okay, yeah, there’s nothing wrong with me just because the people around me don’t love exercise or, you know, running or things like this. Like, doesn’t mean something’s wrong with me because I’m doing that. So there’s definitely that. It’s like, do you just love it? Okay. The other side of that is, how are you doing in the other areas of your life? Mm. And do you feel a compulsion to do these things as a result of a negative emotion that you literally want to run from? Right. And so that is a possibility too. Like, I mean, I wor have worked with over exercisers that to the point that it is like exercise bulimia. It is like a O C D type behavior of crap. I’m really stressed out. I just freaking wanna run crap. I don’t wanna deal with this thing with my kids or my spouse, or I’m just gonna freaking run, uh, crap.
Like I ate, I ate too much. Maybe I have some stuff going on with food. I better go run. Or you know, like if it’s a compulsion like that, that you start to notice as in the, as a result of a stressful thought, now that’s something to take a look at. Right? And so I, I would assume there’s probably some people in the endurance community or even just the gym community going through something like that. And that’s when, that’s when it’s really helpful to start doing some deeper work of like, okay, you know what? I’m gonna accept that my relationship or my kids or work stuff. Like, there’s some stuff going on there and instead of just running from it, literally <laugh> or biking from it or jamming from it, I’m gonna go in, I’m gonna feel my feelings and I’m gonna do some work here. You know? And so, and the biggest thing is like, if you can afford it at all, I would definitely get a coach. You would just get there so much like a mindset coach or something like that. A a therapist, a a healer of some sort. Cuz like getting there yourself is like, you probably would’ve if you could have, you need new information, you know? So that’s my thoughts on that.
So when you decided to extricate from your physically and <laugh> emotionally unhealthy lifestyle, did you do that on your own? Did you start out with a coach when you first got off the couch and, and aspired to lose weight and, and get in shape
With the gym stuff and nutrition? No. You know what Brad, I was like the typical mom who just follows a bunch of people on social media and just does what they do. Okay. <laugh>. And because it was like my why was so strong cuz it was like, I have to be enough for my husband, you know, all this stuff. Mm-hmm. It drove action like crazy. So I didn’t, I actually didn’t start getting actually educated until I decided to become a trainer and the nutritionist and then go into holistic health and all of these things. Um, the healing journey, spiritual healing journey. No, <laugh>, I definitely had help on that. So, um, I worked, I’d say the biggest part of my healing journey is from a woman named Catherine Dixon. She does, it’s like the work of Byron Katie inspired work. Um, that, um, it’s just getting into your subconscious and, and finding out what’s going on under there.
Plus plant medicines. And then of course, like I’ve hired other mindset coaches, couple other different mindset coaches and, you know, have done a lot of workbooks. Like, I like workbooks because you have to actually pull something out of yourself. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. It’s very different than just listening to a book or a podcast, you know. So I would say, yeah, I mean, did I fully know what I was doing on my own, getting in shape? No. <laugh> did I learn a lot more when I became a trainer and a nutritionist and got educated. Definitely. You know, so I mean, of course you can do it on your own, but I, at least in my experience, the emotional stuff, that’s way harder at healing yourself than the training nutrition type stuff. So really recommend working with somebody on that stuff. Always.
And now that you’re a coach can a coach still benefit from a coach, are you still kind of, uh, engaging in that level?
Oh, I always have at least one coach going at a time in different areas. I love, I love being coached. It’s so, I ha I feel like I have to, right? Like it’s, um, it’s just living, preaching, walking the walk, you know? And I just want to, I just want to, I just want to explore and see what else could be lurking under the surface that maybe, I don’t know. You know, learn different practices, learn from different mentors and teachers. Like, it’s amazing to do that. I’d say like most coaches I know have coaches, you know, <laugh>, it’s pretty, pretty typical.
Yeah. I, I think the mere act of reaching out and looking for support and engaging with someone, it’s like maybe, maybe you know more than them or whatever the example is, but the fact that you’re engaging and talking about it, you, you just learn so much. I so much. I think it’s great. Yeah,
Um, so you talk about this, one of your, I guess, core principles these days is having this relationship with your body. And you’ve already kind of talked about it from going from the pendulum and, and the other way, but, um, what do you mean by that in detail? Mm.
Thank you for asking. I love talking about this. Yes.
And you only have 15 minutes cuz this is Tara’s future Ted talk a relationship with your body. So we’re gonna practice right now. What do you, what do you mean relationship with my body? Of course. My, I have a relationship with my body, dude.
I have developed a relationship with my body that I just definitely know is so needed in the world. We don’t have relationships with our bodies. Not really. We, we believe that our bodies are us. And this is what leads to, like, if your body looks weird, you don’t like yourself. If your body looks better, you temporarily like yourself more. You’re comparing yourself to everybody, both on a performance level and on an aesthetic level. So that shows that we think our bodies are us. We think it’s like, it’s kinda like the abusive parent being like, you’re a reflection of me. Get your crap together. And it’s, that’s how I see most people relating to their bodies. It’s the, it’s conditional love. It’s expectations. It’s, I’ll love you if and when you blah, blah, blah, meet whatever expectation. Meanwhile, your body, which is not you, because we know that the body turns in dust into CAEs and all that stuff.
And I believe that there’s something actually in our body making me animated right now and moving around, not just a body, right? So whatever you believe that is soul, whatever, something, some sort of consciousness is in this body that is going to die and turn a dust. So this body, when we have gratitude and we really think about it while you’re saying, I’ll love you, when you don’t have a flat tire around your belly, like, uh, you’re so gross. Look at all that nasty cellulite on your butt. Oh, looks like you’re getting older. Can’t run like you used to. Like, you know, all of these abusive like disregarding, invalidating things. Meanwhile, your body is doing millions of things for you. Your think of your immune system, your cardiovascular system, all that, your brain’s doing, your muscles, like all of the cellular processes that your body is doing nonstop for you.
It will make every workaround that it possibly can for you to thrive. If something’s going wrong, it will send you signals, it will reroute. It is doing everything that it can to make sure that your life, whatever you’re fill in the name blank is in this existence you’re in right now. It’s ma it’s doing everything it can for you to thrive. And it’s pretty amazing some of the stuff that it does. And so the healing from this, and what has led me mostly into this place of ease that I feel now is when I sit down to meditate in the morning, which I highly recommend. Highly, highly, highly recommend. I sit down, the first thing I do is I check in with my body. I just feel it, I just notice, just noticing. I’m like, huh, okay, I hear you. Right. Just tapping in a little bit.
And then is there, I I usually say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you’re doing. Thank you for, I look at it as a separate entity as me actually a bunch of little entities all working together, like a little organization that’s depending on me and helping me. Like there is a two-way communication going on. So I’ll say, is there anything you need? And I just honor whatever comes up. It’s just, maybe it’s pretend, but it’s been working. So it’s like, okay, maybe I hear like, um, fish oil, like so much fish oil. I’m like, okay, I’ll just roll with it, you know? Um, it’s usually gonna be common sense. It’s like, Hey, can you get that like shoulder thing worked on? Because like, that would be nice. Okay, yeah, I’m actually gonna do that. I’m gonna go get it worked on.
Right. Hey, you know what, like, you have not been eating very many like whole foods lately. Like, when’s the last time you had a vegetable? Okay, I got you. I hear you. I’ll give you some vegetables or whatever that is for you. Maybe, you know, carnivore people, maybe it’s, you know, salmon or, or meat, right? But it’s just this process of being saying, Hey, I’m noticing you, first of all, I’m like actually noticing I’m feeling you. I’m saying thank you for all the million things that we don’t even know. I don’t even know. Nobody fully understands the body. Nobody fully understands the gut or the immune system. Like, we’re still learning. So it’s like, dude, thank you and is there anything you need? And that process, and it continues through the day for me of like, I hear you. Sometimes my body’s like, no dude, I’m not hungry right now.
And sometimes it’s like, oh my gosh, dude, can you please get in some like salmon? I need, you know, something like that. And I’m like, okay. And it’s this very playful but also respectful relationship. And that if we can establish more of that, like tuning in instead of looking outside of ourselves of how am I supposed to do this? Completely disregarding what our own body is communicating with us constantly. Like I believe that’s the path to ease. And yes, are there some like hard times you might have to go to, to get to that place? Like if you’ve got candida and you’re Jones jonesing for candy all the time, like some of, if you’re not healthy right now, some of the things your body might be telling you to do are not healthy. Mm. If you’re on the borderline diabetes and your body’s telling you you need a McDonald’s combo meal, that’s because you’re, you haven’t done enough healing work to get into a place where you can be intuitive, but you can get there. Right. And that’s where, you know, expert advice might come in to help you get to that place. But like, man, if we can, but even that, even the McDonald’s, let’s say you got a hundred and, you know, 30 blood sugar when you wake up and you’re, you know, entering into type two diabetes and your body’s like, yeah dude, I want a value meal with a big Coke. It’s like tapping in. Like, is that really what you want? Is that really what you need? Like it’s another level underneath the little five-year old voice. So yeah.
<laugh>, or I mean, in that example, understanding that the reason I want this is due to my adverse lifestyle practices of the past 14 days where I was chowing down a lot of value meals. And, um, we’ve talked a little bit offline about some of my reflections about energy balance and, you know, rethinking restrictive diets as, you know, identifying them as stressors to the body. Yeah. And then realizing that they’re stacking against the other ways that we stress our bodies such as an intense workout or a difficult relationship dynamics and mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, trying to have that stress risk balance. But if you’re, if you think you’re calling for McDonald’s Happy Meal, dang, I just lost another sponsor for the podcast. We’re just talking McDonald’s. So bet if, if, if you’re really seeing that in your intuition, whatever, um, it, it might be because you’re very, uh, bad at processing energy internally because you’re not fueling your body and therefore, therefore, like your intuition is buried in a pile of, of crap that’s, you know, emanating from the decisions you make with your brain every day.
Same with like the example you painted of people who are over exercising to, to hide and run away from things mm-hmm. <affirmative>, they’re compelled to Yes. Wake up the next day and they, they do a, a short meditation like Tara recommends and it says, get out there and slam another 13 mile run. And that’s really where they’re at. And so it’s, I guess when you talk about that mind body connection, you know, and, and healing, there’s, there’s a lot of levels here, but mainly just, you know, getting in touch and speaking to each other. Mm-hmm. Having the mind and body really communicate well.
Yeah. I love that. And insight. And it is, whenever it’s a compulsion mm-hmm. Like, people ask me, like, do you, do you get cravings? I’m like,
<laugh>, you know what? I used to when I was like, in a restrictive mindset with food, I get, oh, I had, they were so out of control, but I, I was like, I don’t, I just don’t resonate on that frequency anymore. Like, it doesn’t, it doesn’t even land. I’m like, cravings, let me think about that. Like, I mean, be besides just being hungry, <laugh> and like, what kind of sounds good in that moment, but I don’t look at that as a craving. I just look at that as what sounds good to eat right now and make sense and is best for me. And so when it’s a compulsion, like I gotta have a freaking ice cream, I gotta have McDonalds, like, let it be a teacher to you just like, I gotta go run. Like, I gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, like when if, if it’s a compulsion that feels like it’s overriding you, that’s something to mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you can look at it as a teacher, like, what’s going on with me here? Right. And you can learn a lot if you’re willing to look at it like that.
I guess that’s where the meditation skill comes in. My friend Dave Rossi numerous times on the podcast talks about when you can develop that ability to, you know, calm the mind. Yeah. Then you can do that right at that moment when you’re passing by the McDonald’s and about to make an impulsive decision mm-hmm. <affirmative> and get good at that throughout the day through Yeah. You know, a a meditation practice and I guess it’s a form of meditation to pull over in front of McDonald’s, stop for a minute and then continue driving or any of those things where you’re acting in a mindful manner. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.
Yeah. And I used to eat at McDonald’s all the time. I’ve got four kids. Oh, I see. So I, as an adult, it was very common for me to drive past McDonald’s right. By my house. Oh yeah. That sounds way easier. Let’s just get that. Mm-hmm. So when I was getting healthy, you know, you have to find these things that work for you. I would feel that urge. I’m like, oh my gosh, it’s like 1:30. My kids are starving, I’m starving. Everyone’s starving. We just went to library book, whatever circle and like we’re all hungry. And that would just sound so easy and it’s cheap and it’s fast. And so what worked for me was, one, I had to learn the skill of having things ready at my house. Right. That was a new skill. Cuz it was like, dude, you’ve, so what would help me is like, you just cooked all that stuff in the crock pot.
It’s ready and waiting for you. Like, you can do this, you can do this, you can wait till you get there. You know? And I had to talk myself off of a ledge sometimes. I’m like, that sounds so yummy and cheap and easy. And it’s like, no, no, no. And, and, and a question I ask myself a lot is old patterns or new patterns, which one is it gonna be? Are you gonna choose old patterns or new patterns right now? And it’s, it’s like the freedom of that choice is very, um, empowering. It’s like you can choose either one, just know which one are you gonna choose? Right. And so that’s like a clutch moment. Mm. Where you’re like in, you’re, you’re dysregulated in your nervous system. It’s just like, oh, old patterns or new patterns. Right. And maybe you’re gonna yell, like yell at your kid or somebody, you’re just like, oh, I feel it, I feel old, new, new, new, new, new, new.
Oh, breathe. Right. So it can help with food choices and, and, and the decision to work out and all of that too. But it’s so much of our, I feel like what we’re missing in health is this massive disconnection from self. It’s this inner bully, you should blah, blah, blah, I’ve gotta go to the gym. It’s like a stressor. It’s like, no, you don’t, you don’t have to ever go to the gym. You don’t have to eat healthy, you don’t have to sleep, you don’t have to do any of that stuff. You don’t have to make goals. Probably don’t even have to work. You can figure it out and just be homeless. <laugh>. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. I mean like, I take it to that level with my clients sometimes because when we get into this place of like, I have to blah, blah, blah, we’re like this victimized inner child that’s like, then we rebel.
Mm. It’s like, it’s not about any of that. It’s about, okay, what do I want for me? I wanna feel good. Okay. Mm. So when do you wanna start working out consistently? Mm. Probably the morning is best. Okay. Mm. Like you don’t have to, but do you want to? Yeah, I want to. Gosh, you get into that want to energy and it’s like, it’s so different. It’s not hard to be consistent when you’re doing what you want. And the analogy I give is coffee. When people tell me, wow, they see my muscles. Right. They’re like, wow, that’s a lot of hard work. <laugh>, that’s a lot of hard work. And I’m like, I don’t see it like that. Mm. I had a comment, I shared a workout this morning and a woman said, you workaholic Right? She’s just playing with me. And I said, just having fun at recess.
Cuz that’s literally what it feels like to me. I’m not, it’s not like that. I’m exploring. I’m discovering what I’m capable of. I want to be in there. I love doing that. I like getting my music on and playing and like, see, it’s like, oh man, I was doing some of those Bulgarian split squats in the middle of a giant set and I had 60 pounds and I was dying. I was sprinting, lunging, step-ups, Bulgarian split squat. I mean, it was brutal, but it was like, my mentality isn’t like, yeah, I gotta do this to have muscle or blah blah blah. It was like, let me see what I can do. I’m like, you got it, you got it. It’s almost spiritual when you look at it that way. It’s just like, it’s seeing what you’re capable of. It can be fun. It doesn’t have to be this checklisty like, okay, did my workout today. You know, I don’t think you’ll ever be consistent if that’s how you’re looking at it. It’s just like having a morning cup of coffee. It’s like no one’s congratulating you for having your, how are you so consistent with that? Wow. That’s how I feel about my healthy practices. It’s like, nah, I’m looking forward to it.
<laugh>. Yeah. I, say the same about my morning exercise routine, which it’s funny for me to be touting this as a life-changing behavior since I’ve been an athlete my entire life. And it’s sort of an automatic area of life. It’s not like a needs to improve area. Right. But it really has been a change mm-hmm. To get up every day and know with great certainty that I’m going to immediately hit the deck and commence this exact sequence of the same exercises. Mm-hmm. And it’s sort of in that habit category where yeah, if I don’t do it cuz we had to catch a plane or something, it’s on my mind like mm-hmm. I don’t feel whole today. Uh, because you know, th this feels like a habit. Like, I forgot to brush my teeth.
Exactly. But yeah,
This is, this is a delicate conversation because I imagine you get a lot of clients who can’t immediately embrace that and they’re really driven hard into that mindset that I need to, I have to, I should to mm-hmm. <affirmative> as you relate in the back of your mind. Um, I wanna be, uh, you know, validated by my romantic partner. Yeah. And I’m not enough right now, so I need to, I need to, I need to mm-hmm. <affirmative> and, uh, boy, it’s hard, it’s hard to get out of that.
Yeah. It’s a constant process. One of the main books I always have my clients reading I a book. I always want them reading a book while they’re working with me. And one
Of them main Dan people. How about this? Wait, I mean the, the, the phones are ringing off the hook to find up. This is so awesome. It it’s great. Yeah. Get your clients on a book today. The book of the Month club.
They’re very helpful. It’s very helpful. And one of the main books I recommend for most clients is Self-Compassion by Kristen Neff. So I believe compassion, self-compassion is the ticket to growth. I believe without self-compassion, you can’t really grow because this is what Kristen Neff, she’s a, shame researcher. I mean a, a compassion researcher. I out in Austin, Texas. I really wanna meet her. She’s amazing. But what she teaches is that when you don’t have compassion on yourself, you avoid processing things because there’s pain associated with it. So let’s say for example, you just hired this new coach and you’ve got your workout plan and you didn’t, you didn’t do any of the workouts the whole first week. And it’s like, dude, I just paid all this money. Mm. Oh freak dude, get your crap together. That’s the usual self-talk that happens. Like, I don’t even want to tell her I didn’t do it.
Oh my gosh. Like, ugh. Like that kind of, that’s not, that’s the opposite of self-compassion. That is self abuse. I don’t look at that as negative self-talk. I consider it self abuse because it’s so unkind to this part of you that really wants to feel better and do better. And you were learning and you’re in your, it’s like you’re, it’s not gonna happen overnight. I always tell people, I’m like, if we got things on the first try, we would all be Michael Jordan’s and LeBron James and Andre Agassiz. Like it, that’s not how it works. Like it <laugh> you. It takes time to learn new skill. There’s so much behind it. And so it’s compassion. When compassion comes in, when you can have just an ounce of self compassion and be like, Hey, put your hands on your heart. Like, it’s okay. It’s okay. Right.
We don’t, the the inner bully’s, like, no, it’s not okay. We think that’s gonna lead to complacency, but that’s not what I mean by, it’s okay. It’s just like, I’m here with you. What do you think is going on? And it’s like, I’m actually really nervous to go into a new gym. I feel like everyone’s gonna look at me or whatever that is for somebody. I’m actually like, I’m dealing with a lot of guilt for leaving my kids when I go work out. Okay. Okay. And then taking yourself through a process of like, so what, what do you think would be best for you and your kids if I definitely, if I went work out, okay, <laugh>. So how can you, how can you communicate that with your kids? You know, and how can you be with yourself more in that? It’s like, I need to know that I will be in a better mood all day and a better mom to them if I go work out.
Okay. I’m gonna tell them that and ask them vulnerably for support and let them know where I’m at. That’s the kind of stuff that happens when you have self-compassion versus, oh, I can’t believe I didn’t do it. And so yeah, it’s a constant reminder process. Like, I’ve got a client that’s just this morning we’re checking in and she got out of the loop last week and it’s, it is just like, she’s like, I can’t wait to get back. I, I teach them to notice how they feel as a result of how they’re living. It’s just, so how did you feel that week? There’s no shame in it. Just how did you feel that week that you didn’t meditate or work out? She, I mean, she shared vulnerably on a call with all my clients Friday. She’s like, I felt horrible, horrible. Like my stress levels were way higher.
I was depressed, anxious. I’m like, okay. And it’s like, and just in a loving way, notice that for yourself. Right? Like, I don’t like how that felt. And then when you get back into it, she’s texting me pictures of how much she’s leg pressing this morning, which was pretty impressive. And she’s like, look. And I’m like, how are you feeling? How are you feeling? Not, Hey, good job, good girl, bad girl stuff like, how are you feeling? Um, good. I’m like, okay, cool. And it’s just noticing that it’s that same thing I’ve been talking about this whole time. It’s just noticing how you feel as a result of the choices that you’re making and then adapt as you go there doesn’t need to be all this good, bad thinking, shame, you know, uh, little stuff that we picked up as kids. Just be with yourself, notice how you feel and move, move along accordingly.
So I’m gonna, I’m gonna pair that with those great comments a bit ago where you said, you know, you don’t really have to set any goals. You don’t have to go to gym in the morning. Yeah. You take the pressure off right. And clear all the smoke and then decide how you wanna live your life. And I think that’s, that’s the most powerful, I mean, that’s swinging the pendulum back to the, the beautiful, uh, you know, center of power here in the middle where you’re not, um, you know, compelled and and driven by these, these demons.
Yes, yes. And we all deserve that. It’s just re-centering. I do the same thing with food coaching. It’s like, you can have, you can have whatever you want because that is reality. We, we have to live in reality is you have a debit card or credit card or cash or whatever, and there’s literally anything that you want to eat anywhere. You can literally eat any, so we gotta stop with this. I can’t have blah, blah, blah. Mm-hmm. Like that is what makes you end up binging and all of this behavior. If you fully will accept, I can have whatever I want. I can have 10 gallons of alcohol and 500 cupcakes and 20 cheeseburgers. Like of course you can, you can if you want to. Mm. So once we take that pressure off and it’s just like, okay, I can ha but what do I, it’s like that removes the inner rebel.
The little inner rebel comes out against the bully because it’s a self-imposed thing. And then if the bully goes away, there’s nothing to rebel against. It’s crazy how fast this process can happen when we, when I teach my clients this, it’s just like, dude, you can have that. Of course you can. And so what do you actually want? If you really want that thing, go for it. Go for it. Nobody’s stopping. You go for like, you know, it’s like we gotta remove that. And then I’m like, it’s just think of if, is there anything else I can eat that will help kind of gimme that fix that’s like, good for me? That sounds good. Just having that little process. It’s like amazing how quickly these like self-sabotage, uh, binge and restrict cycles can end. It’s, it’s truly just self-imposed inner bully stuff going on when we take the inner bully away and there’s nothing to rebel against. It’s crazy how quickly you mature into this mature energy of like, oh, I just get to choose my life. Oh, okay, cool.
Or, or take the, uh, take the babysitter trainer coach away or the den mother who’s doling out gold stars. And I like what you said just a second ago that, that cha that slight, uh, revision in language when you were, uh, your friend, your client was texting you and instead of saying, um, good job. You’re awesome like a typical trainer, you asked, how do you feel? Yeah. And it’s, it’s a huge difference because I think especially in your profession, um, you know, people are looking at an aspirational figure who’s really fit and is, you know, akin to, uh, giving out, uh, motivational, uh, you know, comment and pushing you to do one more set. That’s our typical perception of mm-hmm. Of what the coach trainer’s doing. <laugh>. And if, like, if you back off a few paces and let the person, you know, decide to challenge themselves with a few more reps, that’s where the real magic is.
Yeah. It’s all turning people back inside themselves. You know, that that’s what I’m trying to do the most. It’s like, I, I tell ’em all the time, I’m like, I don’t care. I don’t, I don’t care if you do that. You don’t have to do this. Yeah. And it’s up to you. I’m here to help as I will go to freaking hell and back for you if you, if you need it, right? Yeah. But like, this is up to you <laugh>. And so like, I’m here to assist, but I’m not, I’m not, you’re not. I, this is not a No, wouldn’t say it. Yeah. A famous TV show, female trainer that I won’t name. I’m not, I don’t coach like that. It’s not like that. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna put the power back in the people.
Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I remember coaching a really fast runner a long time ago, and she was trying to qualify for the Olympic marathon trials, and she said you know, if I make it to the trials where you go and watch. And I said, no, <laugh>. And she’s like, why not? And I said, because I don’t care that much. You know, I’m not gonna go watch some race. I wish you well and I care about your performance. But, you know, that’s awesome. I purposely said it that way to, to, it’s, it’s like the, um, the parenting advice that I love so much where, um, you’re not, you know, trying to make your kids a, a show pony for your amusement. Right. And Carol Dweck’s work author of Mindset. I’ll never forget this. I think about it every day, where, um, there was a recommendation that, um, instead of saying, I’m proud of you, uh, for your kids’ achievement, you say, much better.
You should be very proud of yourself. You got an A on your Spanish test. And that flips the script from them trying to perform for your amusement. Right. And perhaps incentivization to, um, being proud for their own achievements. And I try to remember that at all times. And you can say, I’m, I’m proud of the person you have become and praise their character and things like that. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, but there’s this nuance that we, I see people screwing up all the time where I’m like, yeah, I’m really proud of him. He’s got a great job. And, totally, wait a second. He got the job, not you. So, you know, why are you so proud? It
Has nothing to do with you. Yes. I love that book. That’s also one of the books on my list. And I love that. That was a paradigm shifting book for me. Um, mm. But yeah, it’s, every once in a while I admit a little good job comes out and I’m like, ah, no, I don’t like the frequency of that, that, that that’s not what it is. That’s not what it is. I, I don’t, you’re not pleasing me. I don’t want that kind of, it’s about you. How do you feel? What do you want? That’s it. And when we can remember that, gosh, like, it’s just so much easier to navigate every area of our lives that way. It’s like, okay, what’s wrong? What do you need? Okay, I’m gonna show up for you. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, he, there’s no right or wrong or good or bad. There’s so much black and white thinking, and we can let that go and just center in ourselves and asks ourselves what we want and need. Like, the path gets so much easier. Yeah.
So the exploration of the plant medicines and alternative health practices, whatever you wanna call them, that was a catalyst for you, in what way?
Oh, definitely. I can hardly talk about, for me, like psilocybin mushrooms. I hardly talk about ’em without crying. I’m so grateful. For me, um, it’s just, I had a lot of programming from being raised in a very dogmatic religion, and they have just been unbelievably helpful in helping me unwire that programming and come back home to myself <laugh>,
No offense, to all the great contribution that, uh, you know, rigid and fixed cultural programming does for people. And they’re, they’re a centerpiece of life for a long time. But, it feels like, uh, we’re in a, a midst of awakening in so many ways in society, and it’s really wonderful. And there’s gonna be some controversies and differences of opinion. Um, however, you know, it’s progressing forward big time.
Yeah. There’s definitely things to keep in mind. You know, I’m not all about like some teenagers taking mushrooms and going like, like, there are so, so there’s so much to learn that’s been lost because they were made illegal. But there are so many teachers out there teaching best practices, teaching how they work. If you don’t do your research or homework beforehand, you’re very likely to have a quote unquote bad trip, cuz you don’t understand how they work, how they’re teaching you, how to set up your environment, you know? So there’s definitely, there are so many amazing, uh, resources out there. The third wave is a great resource. So if anybody’s even like, dabbling in that, like do do a lot of research, read, you know, learn before you go into a space like that.
Is there any kind of, uh, residual, um, challenges that come up from this fixed and rigid programming you had in your past? And also the, the trauma of extricating yourself from, uh, the marriage? It sounds like the marriage and, and the religion. Um, and, you know, that’s no small feat to even tiptoe a bit away from there. Yeah. And it sounds like you’ve blown up that world, uh, pretty aggressively. And what happens when you feel like yourself getting off center again, possibly due to the heavy duty programming, as we all talk about the subconscious programming that were, were highly influenced by at all times
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Uh, so I just went through that like last week. I just was noticing something was wrong. I was noticing something was wrong, I’ll be vulnerable. I was in a, a dating relationship and just like I was getting all these intuitive, like, something’s wrong, something’s wrong, something’s wrong. The practices that I do one are, um, talk to, talk to friends about it and get, I used to never talk to anybody about anything. Like, I would just keep it all inside to learn not to do that. Not over talk about it, but a couple of close friends that I really trust just, you know, get their feedback. And interesting. The two friends, I had the exact same feedback. I’m like, all right, thank you. Because these are friends that I trust. That’ll be really honest with me. Um, the next thing I did was I did a couple sessions with Catherine Dixon, the woman that I referenced before.
I still work with her. It’s been, I don’t know, five, six years. Um, did a couple sessions with her. Um, one day I took half a day off and I just journaled for hours just to see what was coming out of me. And I did do a, a, a mushroom journey, a plant master journey that was extremely illuminating for me. Okay. So then I had my answer. I knew that this was not a go for me. Okay. But what I found was <laugh>, what I found was a lot of, um, inner child stuff that still needs to be heard. And so after I had the conversation and broke things off, I felt, I literally just sat there and just felt my feelings. I just felt, I was like, no, no judgment, no trying to fix it. Just noticing. And I felt, I was like, what are you feeling right now?
And I was like, fear, guilt, shame. Guess what? Those are probably all, I mean, all of us have that to an extent, but especially when you grew up in a religion where you’re supposed to do what you’re supposed to do. Like, I was like, okay, cool. And so I just listened and I, I didn’t try to make it go away. I didn’t try to psychoanalyze it. I just felt it. And I just kept feeling it for all last week, just like, I hear you, I hear you. You know, and just, is there anything else you want me to know? My inner child was, so, my inner child was very dynamic. She’s like, I don’t like it when you blah, blah, blah. Like, you know, and then you don’t say anything. That’s what it felt like to me, you know? And I’m like, okay, I hear you.
I hear you. That makes sense. You know? And so just talking to, and honestly doing a lot of inner child work, a lot of allowing the emotions to process through me versus trying to make ’em better, figure ’em out. Like no emotions are like the look at kids. When kids have something happen, they process immediately. They do physical release, they stomp, they hit the ground, they yell, they scream, they let it all they cry. That is actually conscious emotional processing. We have learned to suppress, suppress, suppress, suppress, suppress to the point that it starts manifesting in our physiology and never gets processed. So my work now, I’d say is, um, allowing myself to feel, learn from my feelings, and then do active processes like journaling, talking to friends, talking to an expert that I trust and, and actively working through it. And I’m still, I’m getting, getting ready to get in a Nicole Lapera, the Holistic Psychologist book and see if there’s anything else I haven’t found. And so those are kind of some of the processes. I’m just like, let’s see what’s in there. So yeah, <laugh>
Awesome. Wow. I, I’m, I I feel like I’m, uh, uh, defaulting to figuring everything out and being positive, uh, you know, unfailingly positive at all times. And now I’m trying to take a closer look at that as you describe where maybe I could feel some different emotions and just allow those to, um, play through rather than, oh, I’m feeling this way because, uh, here’s my new strategy to, uh, to,
Alter course or distract myself from an assortment of, uh, you know, options such as going and crushing another workout or working, overworking yourself in any way.
Us endurance athletes, we endurance athletes really have to watch this. Because what I learned from marathoning was you literally have no other choice but positive self-talk. Mm-hmm. You can’t be sitting there all up in your negative fields. You’re not gonna finish. Right. Like, you can’t let yourself go into those spaces or you’re gonna crumble. Right? And so I learned this very positive. Like, no, dude, you got it. One more step. You got this. Just think of the end when you’re done. Like denying all negative emotions. And so that’s something I’ve really had to learn is like, be emotionally with the emotional things in my life is like, it’s okay to sit here. Not, not, it’s not, it’s more than Okay, it’s beyond, okay. It is the most optimal thing I can do mm-hmm. <affirmative> to see what’s coming up in me. Because those emotions are the ones that were keeping me in the suboptimal habits in the first place. So they’re teachers, so they’re, they’re very illuminating. It’s very important part of personal growth, in my opinion.
Endurance athletes. Did you listen to that <laugh>? So that, that hits home so hard. And, um, I remember my friend calling me out, several years ago as I was going through divorce. And, and so was another friend. And he said, the problem with you, you guys, is you have that endurance athlete mentality. And you think that life is about enduring mm-hmm. And persevering and toughing it out and Right. Managing your emotions so that they don’t, uh, turn you into a crying, uh, balled up person on the side of the road at mile 18 when the, the race is 26 miles. Right. And, um, you know, I mean, it, it’s sort of like, we could have worse problems to talk about. And Tara, the fitness queen who’s in the gym, slamming the weights, instead of being a fatty on the couch, you could certainly have worse problems.
And they talk about, you know, oh, it’s a positive addiction to triathlons or CrossFit or whatever. Um, there’s really no such thing, cuz the definition of addiction would be something that’s, um, you’re compelled to do to the extent that it harms your life. But, um, I think, you know, once you, once you get to a certain point and to continue that search as you described right now, and thanks for sharing last week’s situation too, cuz um, you know, I think, if we kind of try to paint a pretty picture about everything. Yeah. That’s why I’m sharing right now is cuz I identified that in myself. Like, if I, if I form a complaint or feel a negative emotion, I immediately jump to like a gratitude exercise, right. Because who am I to complain, right? Because this and this and I, I have, uh, all, all these great things going, but that’s, um, that’s a coping strategy. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> mm-hmm. <affirmative> that doesn’t really serve as well as owning everything, I guess you would call it.
Yeah. The beautiful part of allowing those emotions, those negative emotion, quote unquote negative emotions to come up and feeling them is they will prevent you from repeating that same behavior. And so, for example, like one of the things I’ll share very vulnerably that came up for me was I was afraid he was going to be mad at me that like, that’s the inner child, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative> like not con he was super nice and respectful and like very adult about it, you know? And but my inner child had this, I felt fear, literally. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> physical fear. I felt physical fear that he was gonna be mad at me. And it all stems from my older brother, like just being super physically abusive with me, girl. I was like, oh, that’s interesting. And so when I allowed myself to feel that I’m talking multiple days of just kind of in the crappy craps, you know, and as I allowed, I was like, that’s what’s blocking you from speaking your voice as much as what’s really true for you.
Cuz you’re afraid he’s gonna be mad at you. Got it. Got it. And so that’s why I’m doing so much healing work right now. Cause I’m like, okay, there’s still some unhealed inner child stuff that’s interesting. You know, like, that’s interesting that I like literally felt afraid of him, of afraid of his anger. Like that’s some stuff to look at. And that I easily could have been like, well you know what, good for me for having boundaries and being true to myself. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and you know, like all the positive stuff that I’ve also learned cuz gym people do this too with weightlifting. Mm-hmm. You learn to like positive your weight. Like I got this, all this, you know, coping mechanism stuff because you’re in the, the hardest of hard physical. You are literally in fight or flight in those moments. Mm. Right? So you learn how to have all these awesome coping strategies when you’re in fight or flight, but emotionally and the rest of your life. It’s like, no, no, we need to explore these cuz they will prevent you from keep repeating those same patterns over and over.
You don’t need to, you can get stuck for the rest of your life. People just in survival mode. And I think a lot of us are
<laugh>. Yeah. We you can also do that Gotcha. Full permission. You don’t need to do, you don’t need to do anything.
People, you can just wake up shaking and slam your coffee and, and go and, and run around scared. Um, but I, I’m hoping I want the listener to reflect or push the 30 second back button because when you said, um, you were scared that he was gonna be mad at you, therefore you didn’t allow yourself to feel the emotions. I, I think I always come, come up with a simple example of the emotion of guilt and like, I feel really guilty that I haven’t visited my elderly aunt who lives 10 miles away in the nursing home and loves to see me, but I’ve been so busy mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, and I just, I I feel really bad that I don’t get there much. And because I feel guilty, it gives me per permission to perpetuate the behavior of not visiting her. Because if I didn’t feel guilty, I’d be a lazy, uncaring asshole that can’t even be bothered to go and spend 20 minutes with someone who, you know, would love for me to visit. Yeah. And so you, you get stuck and you’re, you’re playing all these games and, and calling upon guilt. Anytime you reach for the extra pint of ice cream at night, you’re not a lazy fat slob. You’re someone who feels really guilty because you broke your diet and you’re gonna feel guilty the next evening and the next time you do it.
Yeah. Guilt is one of the most corrosive emotions and um, it’s usually, it’s Catherine Dixon teaches this. It’s a Byron Katie concept of the three businesses, Byron Katie taught there’s God’s business, you’re a business, other people’s business. Katherine, who’s been my teacher calls ’em the three realms of power, my realm of power, their realm of power, God or the universe’s realm of power. And so guilt is always, you’re outside of your realm of power. It’s you, my aunt would be better off if I visited her. She is suffering because of me. Like she has said I, you know what I mean? And so it’s like you’re putting her, you’re outside of your, it’s like, what do I want? And sometimes it’s owning. Like I don’t wanna go visit her all the time and I’m not obligated to, and I don’t have to and it’s not my job.
It’s, you know, and like removing, like removing the somebody else’s emotions are now I’m in charge of that. I, their happiness is dependent on me and it’s super common. We all do that. That’s a great example cuz like, I think most 99.9% of people would be going through that same emotion. But that’s what I’ve learned about guilt is I’m acting like their happiness depends on me, which is completely outside. It’s like Mm. And I have found that a lot of times when I come back into like, okay, do you want to or do you not? And it’s like, I don’t <laugh> and then you can get deeper and it’s like, well why don’t you? Mm. And it’s like, well, it’s really uncomfortable and we never talk about anything that matters. Mm. And I’m like, okay, what do you wanna do? What helps you feel good? I,
You know, you know, <laugh>, I could, you know, I I think it would be kind of cool if I gave her some of the health product that I like and maybe I, I could do like once a, I actually would like, I would personally like to do that once a month and see if she likes it. Okay. Cool. Right. And getting into those. But that’s, it’s always getting outside of her realm of power guilt and it’s such a crappy emotion that one, but it’s a teacher, it’s such a teacher. It’s like, what am I thinking? What responsibility am I taking on here that I don’t need to be taking on? Where am I unclear with myself Mm. And what I actually want and need. So Yeah.
Yeah. I guess I, I do that exercise sometimes and realize that whatever the thing that triggers me is a, is a growth opportunity. So I have to engage with, you know, yeah. Someone who I find difficult, why do I find them difficult? It’s because of whatever I’m bringing to the table and I can choose a different method of interacting where I don’t have to get triggered and don’t have to, um mm-hmm. <affirmative>, you know, I might be guilty of, I, I want the world to be exactly as I think it should. And I want people to, to to eat the, the diet that I think is the best and prioritize fitness like I do every morning. And then when you run up against friction along those things, it’s pretty funny because you can certainly put the mirror up and say, okay, why, you know, why are you the center of the universe? And thereby maybe get less triggered by things that don’t go perfectly in life.
Yeah. I told my 15-year-old son yesterday, I’m like, I think one of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is what is going on with me <laugh>? What is going on? So you meet up with somebody, the, the, it’s all this friction. It’s just like, what is going on with me? Like what? And that’s where it all starts for me. It’s like, is this what, what is this actually? Am I just, I don’t like this frequency of energy and that’s just it? Or do I have some like old stuff I’m projecting. I love to just, I love to do that, you know, but I, I, at the end of the day, it goes with my gut on that. Cuz we can psychoanalyze that all day. But it’s like, no, like trust trusting your yourself. It’s like, you’ll know, like, I, I feel like if it is me, it’ll be like, dude, no, your, your, your ego is coming out here. You’re like trying to win an ego battle. Oh, okay, okay. You know, and but sometimes it’s like, no dude, that is your intuition. That person is like, their frequency is not something that your soul likes. Okay. Got it. Manage my life accordingly. So yeah,
I’m running outta sticky notes, listeners. I have, uh, especially old patterns or new patterns. Question mark <laugh>, you know, which way do you wanna go? Uh, I love that one. Tara, thanks for spending time with us. This is super amazing. And of course we can talk about fitness all day long and maybe we’ll, we’ll get you back. But I think this is, you know, vastly more valuable because you can take this, this magic to anything you do, including having that, that wonderful energy in the gym where you’re, you’re doing things cuz you love it. So, uh, what does your, what does your fitness practice, uh, look like now? I mean, you’re intuitive about it, but I’ll bet you you’re probably putting in a lot of good workouts and can be found at the gym frequently.
Yeah. Um, and I just have to say, Brad, thank you so much for having me on your show. You’re such an example to me. You’re such a powerhouse. Your voice is so needed. You’ve brought so much to the health industry, the topics of health and to be on your show as an honor and to also, you’re just so open-minded and it’s, it’s beautiful, beautiful energy. So thank you.
Um, I’m sure your audience really appreciates that quality about you too, just so open-minded and, and have that, um, beginner’s mind type mentality and it’s really cool. Um, so my practice looks like this. I go to the gym every day pretty much, um, and hear me out. Okay, <laugh>, just like you were talking about with the avoiding decision fatigue and you just have everything’s on autopilot. That’s how my day is.
And it is awesome. I find that it just makes everything so easy. So I get up at five occasionally on weekends I get up at six. But I like that vibe. I just, you’ll hear me say a lot. I like that. I like, I’ve learned like what I like. It’s not because that makes me a good person or like I personally for my life that works. I’ve got four kids, sometimes I have ’em every other week. Like it just works really well for me. I get up, I meditate, do my personal development, and I go to the gym. And the gym is like this. I have, yes, I have my little like split that I kinda keep in my mind, right? So it’s, Monday is legs, Tuesdays is back and biceps. Wednesdays is glutes and abs, Thursday is shoulders and triceps, Friday is a hit circuit Saturday and Sunday or whatever I want, right?
But sometimes I just, I just wanna walk. I just feels in alignment to just walk that day. So I just go, I work on my phone, on my treadmill, on the treadmill, put it on a little incline and I just walk for an hour and then I just go home, you know? And so I always leave room and, and I personally love the creative flow of creating my workouts while I’m in there. That is part of, it’s like coloring. It’s like probably like an artist likes to be in creative flow and create this piece. That’s how my workouts feel to me. That’s why I don’t like working out with other people. Cause I’m like, ugh. Like I just, I need to be in my storm of creative flow. Like I love that. Right? And so like this morning was legs and it’s just like this, I don’t know, it’s like my, my soul just enjoys this.
Like, ooh, what sounds good today? And like kind of piecing together all the, you know, education over the years. Like, okay, yeah, I’m gonna do that for hip pinch and that’s gonna be quad dominate and that one’s gonna be power. And then, oh, you know, and I get in these little creative flows within those workouts and I really like that personally. And I’m also a two-way on Christian Thibaudeau neuro typing thing and we like a lot of variation. So it’s like I have my set schedule in mind to kind of keep, make sure I’m covering all my bases. I like that anchor, but I like a lot of freedom and flexibility within that schedule and that pretty much sums up my whole life. <laugh>. Yeah.
Fantastic. Oh, and you, you teed us up nicely about that Neurot typing <laugh>. So now you can tell us about your podcast and I want listeners to go find it and especially search for the Christian Thibaudeau show cuz that was sensational. I’m trying to get him on my show, but I read his work, I took the test. Thank you for setting me up with that neuro typing test. So maybe you can plug a few things that the listeners can do, including, uh, check out your coaching offerings in
Your app. Oh, thank you Brad. Okay, so neuro typing is one of the certifications I have comes from Christian Thibaudeau . Christian’s like a legend for T Nation. He’s written for T Nation forever. He’s a strength coach outta Canada. He looks like Vin Diesel with a, but has a, a French Canadian accent. Um, he basically, and I use this in my coaching, but basically you take a tes. You can go, I don’t know, I can’t remember what his website is, but I have a, on my taragarrison.com, if you go to my, uh, discounts page, there’s a link to take the test if you want to. But basically you find out what your dominant deficient neurotransmitters are through your personality, which is the best way to track them over time, right? Cause we change throughout the day, but you can see if somebody’s a little more do sensitive to dopamine or a little more adrenaline dominant. And so, um, that is, that episode is my first episode with Christian. I have another one, sorry, I’m bragging now. I got two and you can’t, we haven’t even gotten on yours once. I have another one on steroids. I had him on recently to talk about anabolic steroids and clear some things up about the mechanisms behind all that. But the first one he’s talking about stereotyping. Um, and then was there something else? You asked me
The title of the podcast. We have taragarrison.com and then the coaching.
Yeah, the podcast is Inside Out Health with Coach Tara Garrison. Brad is on there, so make sure you check that out. And yeah, just everything is on my website. Tara garrison.com. You can find info on my coaching, my app. You know, my, I’ve got a retreat coming up in Maui in May, May 10th through 14th. And yeah. And social media, just Coach Tara Garrison across the board,
Tara Garrison, everybody bringing it as expected. Thank you so much.
Thank you Brad.
Da da. Thank you so much for listening to the B.rad Podcast. We appreciate all feedback and suggestions. Email firstname.lastname@example.org and visit brad kerns.com to download five free eBooks and learn some great long cuts to a longer life. How to optimize testosterone naturally, become a dark chocolate connoisseur and transition to a barefoot and minimalist shoe lifestyle.