Do you ever dream about living a happier, more conscious life, but don’t know how to possibly get there?
Thanks to today’s guest, author, changemaker, and speaker Dr. Dain Heer, this episode will teach you how. You’ll learn why judgment is the biggest killer on the planet (especially the judgment we give to ourselves) and how you can correct course when you’re feeling stuck. You’ll also hear interesting and practical tips designed to help you let go of trauma, past experiences, and whatever negativity has been holding you back and bringing you stress and anxiety in daily life, instead of joy and lightness.
Dr. Dain Heer is an author, change-maker, speaker, and co-creator of Access Consciousness, one of the largest personal development companies practiced in 176 countries. He is also the founder of International Being You Day.
Judgment is the biggest killer on the planet, especially the judgment of ourselves. [01:45]
International Being You Day celebrates our quirks, our differences and seeing what being ME really means. [04:41]
Dr. Heer’s story goes back to his rough childhood and what he did when he realized it didn’t have to be like this. All he wanted was a sense of peace and happiness. [08:32]
After being very depressed, Dain found a positive outlook that was the magic that worked for him. [14:02]
Ask: “Who does this belong to”? [16:38]
Are you doing the same things over and over and not getting a different result? [18:14]
Ask: “Who does this belong to? for three days. If it’s not yours, you can’t change it. [19:25]
Who does my desire to control the other person belong to? [26:38]
What else is possible that I’ve never considered? And what would it take to change this with total ease and what different reality is possible that I’m not yet choosing? [29:31]
How is judgment of ourselves the “biggest killer on the planet?” [31:06]
If we are met with negative resistance from someone, how do we keep from taking it in? [36:57]
Change “overwhelm” in three steps. What power or potency am I trying to hide? [44:55]
- Brad Kearns.com
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- Dr. Dain Heer
- Being You, Changing the World
- International Being You Day
- Access Consciousness
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Hello listeners. Yeah, starting it out. Um, the man in the box,
You know, that old rock and roll song, Man in the Box. I thought of playing that because we’re gonna hear about chihuahuas in a box later in this super interesting interview with Dr. Dain Heer he is an author, a change maker, a speaker, and the co-creator of an operation called Access Consciousness. So we are gonna go on a little spiritual journey and you’re gonna love this guy’s gentle, flowing style. Everything’s easy to follow, but at the same time, we’re gonna go deep into some of the ways that we can live a happier, more conscious life and get away from some of the really destructive patterns that are so prevalent today. Uh, Dr. Dain Heer says that judgment is the biggest killer on the planet, especially the judgment of ourselves. And as we go through a varied assorted topics here, you’re gonna get some really interesting practical tips.
And I’ll give you some tidbits to get you further focused and interested to, to listen to Dr. Dain. One of his is the act, the exercise of asking this question, who does this belong to? And that relates to just about anything. The negative energy in the room or the ruminations in your mind, and what’s going on and bringing you stress and anxiety instead of a joy and lightness and he asks you to perform an exercise where you expand out late in the show. And he’ll describe what that means. Preface it by saying, Hey, this sounds kind of airy fairy, but if you think about it, expanding out, expanding your awareness out one mile, 10 miles, a hundred miles, a thousand miles, and that’s where the reference to the chihuahuas in a box comes. I really think you’re gonna enjoy this. The message is really interesting and he offers all kinds of free tools and tips at his website, Dr. DainHeer H E E R.com. So it’s D R D A I N Dr. DainHeer.com. And here is a precious interview with a lot of practical takeaways and for, for thought and ways to correct course when you find yourself being stuck in judgment and constricted, rather than open and expanding Dr. Dain Heer. I’m so glad to connect with you after this incredibly exciting, uh, exchange by email about all the things you’re into. So thanks for joining us, man.
Brad, what a pleasure, my friend, what an honor also. Thank you.
All Right. Well, what about this International Being You Day? Maybe we should start with that and get into what you’re doing at access consciousness, the name of your operation. And, um, we’re gonna be talking about adversity, how to manage it, overcome it, turn it into a power. I, I love it.
How to kick adversities butt to the curb, you know? Yeah. International Being You Day is something that, uh, I started because I wrote a book called Being You Changing the World. And the feedback that I got from people was I am being more me than I’ve ever been before. And it’s changing everything. And, you know, we’re inspired by people who are willing to be them, no matter what, you know, you see somebody get up for an Oscar acceptance speech, and they’re actually a real person, you know, talking to you and saying, Hey, you can do this. I overcame adversity. So can you, and it becomes, it becomes something, pardon me, I gotta turn off my notifications here. Um, it be become something when we’re truly willing to be us that transforms every area of our lives. So I created a day, I say, I, me and a bunch of amazing creators where we can celebrate us, being us, whatever that is, celebrate our quirk, celebrate our differences, but also start to explore what is it when I’m truly being me and what occurs in my life as a result? How does that show up and how can I access more of it? So it’s a 24 hour event online and you go there for inspiration. And to know that it’s okay to be you partially by seeing examples of people that are and getting inspired and going, Dude, I’m as weird as they are. And they’re succeeding, you know, and partially by going on some explorations during the day of, of different things that are fun to do that just make you feel lighter, make you feel more you, when you do it,
I guess, as opposed to being opposer or being inauthentic or just not, not being vulnerable, not really, uh, sharing, but just kind of going through the motions. Hey, how are you today? I’m fine. And you know, it’s just, um, kind of autopilot. Would that be the compare and contrast?
I say, that’s part of it. You know, so many people are living on primarily a surface level and they’ve never really invited themselves to go on a journey of self exploration, probably thinking that it’s too woo, woo or, or thinking that it’s too difficult. And so I want to debunk both of those. It’s not woowoo, it’s not difficult. It’s actually really fun. And that’s really where the juice in life lives is when you’re truly choosing for what’s true for you. And so it’s, it’s about opening that door for people and encouraging, encouraging them to actually walk through it.
Now, does that, uh, generally take us back to childhood? We hear so much talk about the, um, the, the programming that came in in the early years and how we’re playing out again and again, these subconscious patterns,
There is so much of that, that you discover along the way, but in contrast to go on that search, like what is my programming? So I can undo it. You go on the search from the place of what do I truly desire and what if it’s okay for me to head in the direction of having it and being it. And then the stuff comes up. You’ll have the awarenesses of, wow, I do this all the time. I hate it. And I’m being my father. Okay, cool. Now, what choice would you like to make? And also though here’s some tools to be able to change that. And I’m a big believer in tools because, you know, I got to a place where I was gonna end my life 22 years ago, and there weren’t tools out there that I knew were available, that that could help me change the things that I wanted to change. So it’s gotta be two pronged it, the permission and the invitation to be you, but also when you run up against a roadblock, how do you change the roadblock? You know, how do you melt that thing? So you can keep on trucking
Hmm. Rather than, uh, obsess about it or analyze it to death and, and remain stuck. And, um, some of these, the language you use is, is really powerful here. So I, I know we’re gonna get into it, um, getting away from that cycle of no choice and no change. Uh, so maybe, uh, it might be nice for you to give us a little more background, um, your report that you had a rough upbringing. And, um, now you’re talking about a, a turning point, uh, 22 years ago. So I’d love to know more about that. And that could maybe weave in some of the, some of the insights from a, a storytelling perspective.
Sure. Yeah. What, uh, as a little kid, I grew up in the ghetto, my parents were separated. My mom had absolutely no money and she found somebody that would take us in. And in that household, I experienced every form of abuse imaginable: physical, emotional, sexual, uh, invalidation of my being, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And, and so growing up though, even in the midst of the abuse, I was looking at this. And even as a little kid, I remember thinking it doesn’t have to be this way. Like why can’t these people see this? And I just knew, I knew it didn’t have to be that way, but that didn’t mean I was totally free from the effects of abuse. What it meant was I grew up and though I wanted to help people to the best of my ability. I would keep seeing these limitations fly up in front of my face. And yet I still knew there’s something, there should be something else possible. So I started going to weekend workshops. I started reading books on self-improvement ,self-development, uh, money, psychology, business
How old you now Dain, um, getting into this? No. I mean, when you,
That was in my twenties when I started getting
Okay, so you, um, yeah, you, you made it through a rough, a rough upbringing, but all along, you were kind, you had a, sort of a, a searching perspective that, that took you in, took you in deep, I guess when you got into your twenties.
Yeah. Or at least started started the depth that I could have at that point. And, and so I started this search with always with the sense of there’s gotta be something different. And what occurred was. So at a certain point, I realized that what I really wanted to be was a chiropractor. So I was like, okay, I am going to chiropractic school. And I was so excited and I did, and I graduated. And then that also did not provide the, the space that I knew was possible. And I became a chiropractor because I wanted to create miracles in people’s lives, because I knew these amazing healers that were doing that, you know, somebody would come to them with anything and they could help them start changing it. I didn’t seem to be able to create that result. And I used to go to these weekend workshops, like I was saying.
And what would happen is by Wednesday of the following week, you know, I’d feel like I had the answer by Sunday night when I left. And by Wednesday of the following week, it felt like everything went away and the universe caved in on my head again, and I was confronted with everything I still hadn’t changed and wasn’t able to do, and wasn’t able to create. And it was literally a Wednesday. I will never forget the day here. I am living in Santa Barbara, which you know, is paradise. As you know, you went to U C S B. You know, we talked about this and, uh, and I’m feeling like I’m the only unhappy person that lives here driving to work each morning, looking left and looking right. Seeing the people in the other cars going, am I the only one who’s this unhappy here? And I finally broke for the first time, in my 30 years on the planet, I gave up hope.
And I was like, and I remember getting to my chiropractic office going, I’m done universe. Here’s the deal. You, you have six months either my life changes or I’m outta here. And I wasn’t asking for much, I was asking to have a sense of peace and happiness and some more ease with money, you know, was not, would’ve been nice also. But, and so a week later I came across an ad for something called Access Consciousness. And it said access all of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory. And something about that inspired me and pissed me off all at the same time. Mm-hmm . So I ended up calling and having a session. I had one session that lasted an hour and 15 minutes. I went into it, depressed in suicidal with a date to end my life and a plan to do so and I came out of it with a sense of gratitude for being alive.
And I never went back to that place again. And not that I didn’t have lows after that. That’s not what I’m saying, but I never, I knew I was never going to actually kill myself. And my point of view was if it can feel like this to be alive, I am in. Let’s do this. And so within a few months, I started, um, doing this stuff, using all these tools of Access Consciousness that I could find. I met the founder. We became fast friends upon meeting each other almost. And for the last 22 years, I’ve been part of increasing the, the tool base in the knowledge base. And letting people know that there’s such a different possibility available. It does actually exist and the tools are available to create it. And my point of view is I don’t care whether you do access or not. I want you to know that there’s a different possibility available. Find inspiration wherever you do, but know that no matter how the hole is that you are in there is a way out if you’re willing to choose it.
So you’re reporting, going to these weekend seminars, frequently, and I’m imagining these to be the pretty intense, personal growth, uh, retreats that we’re all familiar with. I’ve been to some, myself, they were, you know, extremely immersive and fantastic. And I think it’s very common that you, you come out of there Sunday night, glowing with an aura around you, and then Wednesday, you know, things start to, um, return to the smoke clears. And you’re like, oh crap, I’m still in this, this mess of a, uh, daily life. But then you had a completely different experience from that first consultation. So, um, what was, what was the magic that worked for you that, that, uh, lit you up and kept you going?
Well, I wish I could explain it. In words, it fundamentally shifted something in, I, I don’t know if I’d say my being, but, but something that I knew was possible and it created a space. And, and what I didn’t realize was how contracted I was in living my life and trying to create a good, real relationship, trying to be a good chiropractor, trying to, uh, be a good healer, trying to create a different future, but I was doing it all from like, I just had so much contraction. I didn’t even realize that I had until it started opening up. And like, if you could get the sense of what it’s like when you go out in nature and after you’re there for a while, all the thoughts empty out of your head and you just, you hear the birds more, you see the different shades of green, you have a sense of communion with everything, a sense of gratitude, a sense of connection with it all.
That’s what it gave me. And it was something that one of the tools we talk about in Access is something that’s true for. You will always make you lighter. A light for you will always make you heavier. And what it did was it, it gave me access to, in some way, gave me access to more of what was actually true for me, so that I could actually live from that place, that space, that awareness, rather than, rather than feeling so unsuccessful in the way that I was living my life and doing the things that I was doing, I started going, oh, I can do it this way. And things started working much easier, and I would get a session once a week. And every single week with that first session, the sense of contraction diminished and this space expanded. And each week I would get one tool to use until the next session.
And like a tool like who does this belong to, which is based on the idea that 98% of our thoughts are feelings are emotions. And the things that go through our head are actually things we pick up from other people, and you can dispel it with who does this belong to? If you ask that you’re in the middle of yuck stuck or what the, you know, um, you can dispel it by asking who does this belong to? And if it lightens up at all, it’s not actually yours. So I would get this space and then the universe might want to cave in, on my head again. And I would use this tool and it would change. And I was like, whoa, wait a minute. Okay. So that cave in thing wants to happen. I’m using this and it undoes it. There’s something different about this. And it was like having tools that work in the trenches of life. So the space was like this, and my next session, it seemed like it got bigger. And when it wanted to contract, I would use a tool and it would get that space again. And then the next session, it would get bigger and it just kept going that way. And I’ve been doing it for 22 years and so far, I’ve not, not seen an end to, to how big and how spacious things can get.
So just to further understand, when you talk about living a life that is contracted narrow, we’re stuck in our, I guess, belief systems. You have this line in your commentary about, uh, being stuck in a cycle of no choice and no change. Can you just further describe what that’s like or, um, some sort of, um, uh, detail for someone to, to determine whether they’re living a contracted life or not? You know what I mean?
Yeah. Well, I would say it’s, it’s pretty simple. It’s like, are you doing the same things over and over and not getting a different result? Are you having a sense of lightness and happiness at least part of, of your day or a lot of your day? Or are you not, are you having a sense that, you know, you’re not so happy and you know, and if the last two plus years have, have shown us anything, it it’s shown us the places where, where we are, are definitely willing to buy into contraction. if you will. To buy into the stress around us, to buy into that, that’s how we’re supposed to feel. And the difficulty is we’ve all got a lot of points of view about how we’re supposed to feel and how we’re supposed to act and how we’re supposed to be. That that don’t often bring us lightness, but we keep going back to them because we don’t see anything else.
And what’s that 98% of what we think is fed us from other fed to us by others. Is that, what was that mean?
Well, yeah, that 98% of our thoughts, our feelings and our emotions are actually not ours. We actually pick up on them from others. You know, I mean, we can see it in it’s like if you hang out with happy people, you tend to get happier. Hmm. If you hang out with judgmental people, you tend to start judging more and wondering why, even if you’re not judgmental and don’t want to. Well, if we can extrapolate that a bit, we don’t just pick up on the thoughts and the points of view and the emotions and the Leafs of the people really close to us. We, you know, we have this thing, we call collective consciousness and, you know, I, I see it very interestingly, we are all connected, but what we seem to share most easily is our unconsciousness. You know, our contracted state, our, our, um, our judgments, our rightness is our wrongness is those we pick up on really easily because they’re very intense.
And what we have the ability to do. If we use this, who does this belong to tool, and we even created an app for it, it’s totally free. And it’s Access Consciousness, who does this belong to? Because the way we suggest that you use it to, to really make it work effectively in a short amount of time, is you want ask, who does this belong to? to every thought, feeling, emotion, judgment, stuck energy that you have for three days. And if you do that for three days and let go of the things that are not yours, you break the machine that makes you think that everything is yours, and you walk around, like you’re in a walking, talking meditation. And I used this. So I had this session I got over. I knew I was done with the suicidal point of view that I had.
And I mean, I cannot tell you how grateful I was. And a few days later, I woke up with the same exact energy, because what would happen for me is my girlfriend would leave for work. And I would lay in bed and cry. Here I am a doctor wanting to help people, and I can’t even get my own life together. And I would lay in bed and cry and wallow and self pity. And I would look over, you know, and I looked over at the clock and I, the person who had done this session had written who this belong to on a little yellow sticky note. Well, after I had the session and got home that day, I unloaded, you know, the contents of my pockets and this little yellow note happened to be standing up right by the clock. I looked over to see how long I had to wallow in self pity before I had to go pretend to be a doctor.
And I read these words, who does this belong to? And I was in the middle of the intensity of everything I had gone through. And I read these words, who does this belong to? And it went SWISH gone. And I went, holy shit. I looked around the room and I was like, are you kidding me? Did this actually just happen? I’m and I, I thought, okay, maybe I was dreaming. No, I knew I was awake. But then in that moment, I realized so much of what I had been experiencing was things I was aware of with everybody around me. Most of whom I didn’t even know personally. And this is a big thing for the sensitive people of the world. And most of the people that, that are suffering well, not most, but let’s say so many of the people that are suffering with depression, anxiety, massive amounts of stress tend to be the sensitive individuals in the world.
And what’s interesting is they have their own perception of the world, their own way of viewing the world. But the, whereas somebody else a quote, unquote, normal person, if there is such a thing, let’s call it that. A normal person, their volume knob for the intensity of thoughts, feelings, and emotions around them will be at a one or a two for a sensitive person, it’s at a thousand sometimes. And so nobody can talk to them about, about them because cuz they just don’t get it. They just don’t understand how intense this is for people. And so this who does this belong to is just one of about 8,000 tools that we have in access, but it can be so helpful, especially when you have a world that is stressed about war, stressed, about Corona stressed, about stressed, about stressed, about everything dislodging. A lot of that can really give us a lot of space.
So when you perform this exercise and, and ask, who does this belong to? Are you perhaps, um, you pinpointing this belongs to the critical voice of my father. This belongs to my ex-girlfriend that made me feel like crap or is it, uh, and can it, can it bounce around from this belongs to the, uh, energy of, of the world that is getting, uh, a fearful, uh, dialogue about COVID that’s permeating everything and you can, you can actually ask the question and then come up with an answer. Is that how the exercise works?
Well, the way it actually works and sometimes you’ll get that. You’ll be like, holy crap. That’s my dad. Holy crap. That’s my ex you know, sometimes you’ll get that and that can be beneficial also. But a lot of times you’ll ask, who does this belong to? And what’ll happen is it will just lighten up a bit and you don’t even need to know who it belongs to or where it came from.
Not my problem, man. that’s all I know. I don’t know who it belongs to. Yeah. The backpack was left here on the side of the road. It’s not mine. It’s all, that’s 20 pounds in it. I’ve been carrying it for six miles. I’m getting tired. Now my shoulders hurt.
Yep. Drop the frigging backpack. It’s just not yours. And, and the, you know, like I said, this is one of about 8,000 tools, but it’s one that I think is it can be so helpful for people right now, if they’ll allow themselves to just to use it and then see how it goes. And the beauty is, once again, we don’t have to know who it belongs to. Sometimes it will get the, that awareness. But a lot of times we’ll just get a little bit lighter. And in that case, you go, okay, return all this crap to sender, not mine, not my problem because the other part of this that is so interesting is if it’s not yours, you can’t change it. You can’t do anything about it. You know, and people are caring. A lot of things, like you said, it’s got 20 pounds in it or 200 pounds for most people at this point or 2000, you know, and people are still walking and trudging with it. But if it’s not actually yours, you’re not the source point for it. So you can’t change it. The only thing you can do to create some change is acknowledge it’s not yours and return it and let it go.
I suppose this would apply quite commonly to things that we try to appropriate as ours, such as the, the path that our children are on as a parent or even a partner who is, um, behaving in a manner that you judge to be, um, you know, less than optimal. And you’re trying to change them, change them, family member, friend loved one, whatever, uh, coworker. And so, you know, acknowledging who does this belong to and maybe the answer is it belongs to them. So stay the heck out of it. Kind of thing. I can see that coming in too.
Yeah. And, and that is extremely helpful. And then, you know, if you want to go slightly further down the rabbit hole, you can ask, who does this desire to control them, belong to? And you go, oh my God, I’m trying to control them the same way my parents tried to control me. I hated it. And therefore I’m repeating it, which is what we do. We tend to repeat the things we hated the most.
Oh, why is that?
I wish I knew. Hmm. My only sense is it has so much charge for us that it, you know, we talked about the, the lightness or heaviness or the contraction and lack of space versus a sense of space. Well, we don’t tend to value a sense of space, a sense of ease. We tend to look at those things that are most contracted the heaviest, the most intense and go, Ooh, I’ve gotta deal with that. If I can change that, then I’ll get to lightness. We don’t realize that if it’s really heavy and contracted, it’s either not ours or it’s a lie because what’s true always makes us lighter. And you know, we could, we could follow this, you know, in many different directions. But the recognition of that is that if we have been trying and trying and trying to handle the things that are heavy in our lives and because they’re really intense, they’re contracted, they’re really intense.
They’re heavy. If we’ve been trying to handle those, what happens, what we’re missing is the ease of the path of lightness that we could be choosing. And, you know, I, I say that and I realize a lot of people listening, you know, their brains probably just flatlined, cuz it’s like, wait, what? The ease of the, what of the, what, what, what, what, but that’s really like truly when we’re being us, we have a sense of light. We have a sense of joy. Like we were talking about, you know, your house and you know, the tree falling on it. And, and yet it’s like going in the direction of that house has a lightness to it. The tree falls, you’re like, well, okay, that sucks, but okay, cool. Now the house is gonna be better, which has even more lightness to it now. And most people do is they look at the heaviness or the most contracted intense thing. The thing that has the most trauma and drama and believe they need to go in that direction and fix that so they can have lightness.
Did you say no trauma and drama?
I love that. Okay. Yeah. The stuff in our lives that have the most trauma and drama of people, leave them alone. Yeah, yeah.
Yes. Leave it alone. It’s you know,
Even if we can’t, uh, even if we don’t think we can fix it, sometimes we just get stuck obsessing upon, uh, you know, how we, um, uh, lost money in the stock market or whatever things that happened in the past and it’s trauma and drama. And we, we, um, we lock into that.
Yeah. And, and we do, and we have tools that are a little beyond the, the scope of today’s conversation, but we have tools in specific ways of changing that usually within minutes and yeah, because it’s an energetic structure it’s I don’t even know how to explain it, but it’s, it’s part of what taken to its to the enth degree creates PTSD. And that is something that we can change because we’ve identified the energy, we’ve identified the structure underneath it. But if we can recognize that, look, this thing that you’re doing trauma and drama over, is it creating anymore for you? And if not ask this, what else is possible that I’ve never considered? And what would it take to change this with total ease and what different reality is possible that I’m not yet choosing? And so one of the other big parts of Access Consciousness is asking questions, because a question always opens up another doorway of possibility.
Our conclusion, if you conclude something like this is the way it is, you’re right. You know, like Henry Ford said, if you think you can think you can’t, you are correct. Mm-hmm and that’s really true. So how do we get to more of, I can, or more of what’s possible start asking open-ended questions. Like once again, what else is possible? Or how does it get any better than this, or what’s right about this. I’m not getting what’s right about me. I’m not getting and what would it take to change this with more ease than I ever thought could occur?
And you say that judgment is the biggest killer on the planet. And it strikes me as the opposite of what you just described because judgment you’re locking down and saying, well, it’s always gonna be like this or whatever your, your judgment is. Maybe you can elaborate more on why that’s, um, why that’s the biggest killer on the planet, especially the judgment of ourselves, as you say.
Yeah. So one of the things that we found is for any judgment, any decision or any conclusion that you come to, nothing that doesn’t match that can come into your awareness.
Ooh. Yeah. That hurts, man
Yeah, it really does. Yeah. And, and if you realize how much we have learned to do that as a function of being alive here, you realize it’s, it’s pretty big. And so the, one of the antidotes to that is this thing of asking open ended questions, but also recognizing where we’ve come to a conclusion, come to a judgment. And you know, we’ve all been taught that we need to judge right from wrong in order to know what to choose, which sounds like a valid way of going about things, except it puts us into a place where are for everything we’re trying to judge, whether it’s right or wrong and what shade of right. And what shade of wrong, or whether it’s good or bad. What that keeps us from doing is asking this question, which is what future will this create? And there’s a way of getting there, where you go.
If I choose this, what will my life be like in five years? And if I don’t choose this, what will my life be like? Usually one of those will be more space, more expansion. And once again, I know it can sound airy fairy, but it’s actually using how the rest of the world actually functions, how the plants, the animals, the trees, every creature, except people. That’s how they function. They follow, you know, and we call it instinct. Well, yeah, it’s cuz they don’t have a mind that they’re using to calculate and compute every choice they’re present and they’re going okay if I eat this nut, you know, and, and they’re not, they’re also not even thinking about it. That’s just how they function. Mm-hmm . And so we can get closer to our natural instinct for creating beauty in our lives. If we would recognize when we’re and go, uh, I’m done. And we have tools for that also. But once again, a little beyond the scope of what we can talk about right now, unfortunately, but the choice to notice when you’re judging, notice, when you’ve come to a conclusion about something and go, okay, stop, see a hand, see a stop sign and just ask yourself, what other choice do I have a available that I haven’t acknowledged? Or what else is possible? That’ve never considered,
But Dain I’ve always been bad with, uh, financial management and irresponsible. So, uh, it’s always gonna be that way or, or fill in the blank, people, you can come up with a few of your own I’m I’m not, not that good at software. It really confuses me. And so boom, there you go. And you’re, you’re carrying that with you your entire life
That, and that’s, and that’s the thing. Like I worked with one lady who she said exactly that I am so bad with finances. I’m so bad at business. And my husband left me and I, you know, I have this amount of money and I’m not sure what to do with it. I’m sure I’ll probably lose it. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s back off there, sister.
Let’s ask some open ended questions.
Yeah. Right. Let’s let’s, let’s not go down to, you know, to wherever we’re gonna bury you right now, please let’s do something else. And so some of the access consciousness tools and started undoing these things from the point of creation and, and we have a simple way of doing that. And within a few minutes it became very clear. And I said, okay. So when did you buy that point of view that you were bad with business and finances? I said, how old are you being when you’ve, when you, when you perpetrate that she went three years old. I was like, whoa, okay, cool. What happened at three? And she went, oh my God, my dad lost his job. And they ended up separating for a while and it was so traumatic in my house. And so stressful. I’ve never wanted to repeat it, but I came out of it with the idea that I am really bad at money in business.
And I said, was that yours? Or your dad’s? And she went, oh my God, it was my dad’s. And I went, how about your mom? She went and my mom’s cause my mom was terrified. And I went cool. Okay. So now we have the setup, you know, we have the setup for what you think is necessary. So we did some more work and six months later I saw her in another class and in Access classes, we let people ask questions, you get up to the microphone and you can ask whatever the heck you want. And she got up to the microphone and I was like, Hey, nice to see you. And she looked a lot more alive, you know, a lot more present in her body, her, she had more, more life in her face and I was like, cool. And she said, I don’t even have a question right now.
She said, except how does it get any better than this? Because since I last saw you, number one, my bank account has increased dynamically. But number two, I started a business with a friend of mine and I’m actually the financial genius in the business and we are doing this thing together and we’ve just started and already we’re having these people come to us who want to partner with us. And I cannot tell you if we wouldn’t have had that conversation, I would’ve still thought I was bad with money. Turns out I’m actually really good with money. Thank you so much. I was like, yes.
Yeah, that’s, that’s pretty heavy. I, I, uh, kind of, um, speaking for the, the peanut gallery right now, and I’ve had experiences in my own life where I’m sharing my enthusiasm for something and you can see the person is stuck in their judgments and negative energy and even hearing a wonderful anecdote like you just described with the woman who was always thought she was bad with money and now her, her phone’s ringing off the hook and money’s flowing in there. Uh, and if we have a negative response to such a wonderful story, we immediately cut ourselves off from the flow. That’s pretty obvious. Uh, but for someone who, who is stuck or maybe tip toeing on the tight rope and, and about to jump in, uh, full, full board to Access Consciousness and, and everything else, um, you know, what, what could be a, a way that, um, we, um, you know, embrace someone who’s a little bit resistant, uh, with, uh, I don’t know, with caring and kindness.
Well that, I, I love that question because what we tend to do is we tend to think that, that somebody who is resisting something, we’re saying somehow it’s about us. They’re making us wrong.
Or who does that belong to?
Exactly right. Abso-frigging-lutely. And in that we missed the chance to be an invitation for something that might create more for them and make their world greater if they want to choose it. But for me, if you have, and, and I can very much relate to sitting and having somebody tell this wonder story about the exact thing I’m stuck in and be like, oh, you know, and what we’re doing in that is when we have a massive charge like that, it’s always because we have a capacity that we’re not choosing and or that we not acknowledging. So we hear the story and we go, yeah, but I’m struggling with money and I’m crap with money and all this stuff. And, and money’s one of the big ones. Let’s face it, money, relationship, body. Um, those are some of the big things that, that occur for almost everybody. And, and so they’ll say, well, I’m stuck with money. Like what the heck? And what you want to ask yourself is what is the gift in this story for me? Like, is there something here that I’m actually capable of that I’m not acknowledging, or that I’m refusing, because if we have a major charge on something, it’s because there’s something that relates to us in that, or we think there is, Hm . And in this case, it’s, in
Other words, you hit a nerve. Uh, and that’s why I got defensive and said, I don’t want to hear any more of your stories about people, money flowing, cuz I got a overdrawn bank account. And so because it hit a nerve that’s when we can open up to, uh, an incredible gift,
Rather than having a flat line response, like I don’t think much about money and it’s not really a problem in my life and good for that person. But boy, when you get that, you call it a charge, a negative charge?
Yeah. You have a, yeah. A charge of one form or another, you know, the, and, and it’s exactly that it’s like, you, you just expose is the nerve that at least in this moment is the thing that if you address it, we’ll create the most change the fastest.
Okay. We’re we’re um, we’re open minded. We’re we’re, we’re, we’re, we’re jumping in deeper. I love it.
Well, yeah. And I’m grateful that we can, because the thing is it requires a level of vulnerability Hmm. To be willing to go there and, and not just stick with they’re wrong, and therefore I am right. You know, like claiming, because what we do, you know, what we’ve learned to do is claim our rightness by separating and making others wrong when they bring up these things that are these sensitive subject or these tender nerves, rather than going, what is there for me? What is the gift in that for me? What is the capacity I have? That’s just like curves because, because unacknowledged and untapped into capacity, when we hear, when we have it, even if we can’t understand or figure out how or why, if it’s touching that much of a, a nerve are untapped into capacity will be one of the things that, that sparks us the most, that aggravates us the most.
And this is beneath awareness largely. Yes. I guess the, the, the negative charge is happening on the surface. So it’s really important to, to remain open, I guess.
Yeah. Well, that’s the beauty of, it’s exactly what you’re saying. The awareness of that is way beneath the surface. The awareness of the capacity is way beneath the surface. And we’ve had life experience that we have piled on top of it that tells us what a pile of crap we are. And now I say this story, for example, and if you get really activated or really, I don’t remember what the word is that we’re using, you know, a lot of charge on that. You know, if you have that, it’s a gift because it’s gone down beneath all those layers and it’s actually accessing the, you that knows there’s something different possible, which is why you get off or resistant or whatever it is. And one of the other things is a another tool that can be helpful. If, if you notice yourself judging someone or something else you wanna ask yourself, when, what, when did I do that? And when did I be that? Because if we hadn’t been it and done it, we would not have a charge on it.
Hmm. Yeah. Um, boy, I had to take a breath and think about that one. So when you’re, when you’re, uh, lit up, when you’re triggered by the behavior of others, it’s because you’ve been there and done that before.
Yep. Like, have you ever met somebody who quit smoking? You know, and they were the one that was pissed when people would tell ’em to stop smoking and, and they became like the, the police, you know, the riot police against anybody else who smokes. They had so much charge on it. Why? Because they had been there and done that. And that is the time. And, and really, if we have anything come up where we’re judging somebody else, the first thing we should be asking is when was I that? And when did I do that? And will I now let that go? You know, and, you know, people might do a forgiveness exercise for, for me, I would do this thing called POC and, POD, which stands for going back to the point of creation and or the point of destruction of wherever you put that in place, whether it was last week or childhood or a hundred billion years ago, who knows.
So, uh, you also have a way to change overwhelm in three quick steps. Maybe we could sprinkle that in, and then I’d love to wrap it up with you describing further how you can help people through your, um, the programming that you offer.
Thank you. Now you’re gonna have to remind me of those three quick steps because it changes for me all the time.
um, I, I don’t have ’em, but, um, there’s also, um, you, this is just from, um, Dave’s marketing information, people. So there’s, there’s 10 questions you can ask to, oh, change any situation and changing overwhelm in three steps. But I, I can think of one of ’em right now is to say, who does this belong to? Because that overwhelm is, um, generally trying to, uh, orchestrate and control everything around you and make, make the world bend to, um, to your will. And that’s the recipe for overwhelm,
Who does this belong to? Who does this belong to, okay,
Who does this belong to? And then the other thing that you can do for overwhelm is, and this is a weird one, but what power or potency am I trying to hide? Cause one of the things that happens that leads to overwhelm is, is a lot of energy that we can’t, that we don’t seem to be able to control or know what to do with. And a lot of times that’s actually potency. And for me, potency is the ability to change something. And it can feel like a of energy that we’re not comfortable with or with. So we shut it down, but in shutting it down, what we have to do is that contraction thing. And when we do that, everything seems overwhelming. And what it is is we, we had, let’s say something come up. And in response, we had, we had this potency come up this capacity that feels like RRROar sometimes. And we go, Ooh, roar that can’t be Roar, okay, no roar
And then you shove it down enough. And it’s like, and then what happens is anything that is, um, beyond the scope of being that seems like something you can’t handle. Hmm. And then you go into overwhelm and then the third thing for overwhelm that can help a lot. And this once again, may seem really airy fairy, but if you’ll expand your space out and out and out and out, like expand out a mile in all directions and just notice what that’s like for most people. Well, and I remember the first time I did this, it was, um, in a class with my friend, Gary, the founder of Access Consciousness. He’s like expand out. And I’m like, I don’t know how, and he is like, just do it. And I went, oh, I just did it. Okay. And this is what I find with all these things is I, you know, we think, we don’t know how, but it’s not a function of thinking. We just go, okay, I’m gonna expand out a mile in all the erections. And then now 10 miles. And just notice that now a hundred miles and a thousand, now some people are trying to visualize. So they’re like, I’m not there yet. No, you don’t like
City. Okay. Here we go.
Yeah, exactly. Right. You’re like, okay, I’m there too. Hmm. You know, and if you’re geographically inclined, you’re like, oh, United States. Okay. Pacific Ocean, you know? And so, and so expand out 10,000 miles in all directions, which, and then just notice how, what it does is cuz most people, when they get overwhelmed, it’s like having a bunch of chihuahuas in a box, you know? Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yep. And you know, chihuahua’s in a box this big, it, it, you know, in a box that fits on your desk, having maybe a hundred chihuahuas in there is gonna be overwhelming. But if you expand that same box to 10,000 miles, you know, you have a hundred chihuahuas in 10,000 miles sphere. No problem. You know, you’re like, was that a Chihuahua I heard? Yeah. I don’t think so. You know, and it’s a way that we can use and it, and all of these are tools that we have available to us right now where it’s like, Hey, you know, I talked at the beginning, it’s like, it’s like Access is basically the tools for navigating in the trenches of life.
And so they’re all about getting you to the lightness that you are when you’re really being you, whatever that is. And this one can be really helpful if you’ll do it. Especially when you start to get stressed out, take a moment, close your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, fill your butt on the seat and notice, you know, take a breath or two. And just, and, and you may have to work at it the first few times where you’re like, I can’t do it, but if you try it two or three times, what’ll happen. The next time is you’ll just ask for it and go, oh, there it is. Where did that come from?
I wonder if expanding out is facilitated by being in a expansive natural surrounding. So when you drive your however many minutes from your office to the beach, when you’re practicing in Santa Barbara, boom, there you are looking at the ocean. You automatically expand out same with, at the top of a mountain peak or these places that fill us with incredible energy and inspiration. Um, maybe that’s maybe that’s part of the, the trick there, huh,
Absolutely. Right on. And the, and the beauty of nature is, you know, we talked about who does this belong to? The beauty of nature is there’s a lot more space and nurturing elements and far fewer things thinking all the time. So you don’t have to pick up on that. And that allows you to be the entrainment to space that you actually are.
Uh, how do we connect further and get further training from you and further insights?
Probably the best place would be to go to Dr. Dain heer.com and check it out. There’s I have so many free resources there because when first came to this work and it changed my life, we, it was not on the internet anywhere. And I’m like, I want people to know, I want people to have tools. And so there’s a lot of free resources there, including the, um, first hour long of the Being You book on audio and several, several videos that I have on YouTube. I’ve got, I don’t know, something like 800 videos on YouTube at this point that are different tools that people can use. And also, I really invite you to go to Being You Day.com and experience whatever part of that you want to, it’s free. It’s our gift to you in the hopes of us getting to more of this space, more of this ease that we’re capable of,
Love it. I encourage everyone to do it. How, how easy is that? Just pop over and check it out. Get some more training Dr. Dain Heer. Thank you so much for a great show. Thanks for listening to everybody.
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