Meet the 2017 Time Magazine co-Person of the Year and Get Spicy!
Wendy blows into the Get Over Yourself Southern California studios (aka my old childhood bedroom) and leaves a vapor trail! What a wild and fast moving show, with plenty of asides, profanity, Borat references, and Brad rapping to punctuate the conversation. Dr. Wendy Walsh is a Psychology Professor, an Award winning television Journalist, a radio host and a brand ambassador. As a Silence Breaker, she was named one of Time Magazine’s Co-Persons of the Year. Her voice helped pave the way for the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements.
We start off covering the fascinating story of how she called out Bill O’Reilly for harassment, a critical step in exposing his long-standing and long covered up pattern of harassment behavior that led to his downfall. Previous victims had been paid off to the tune of millions of dollars before Wendy bravely stepped up and told the story of how her Fox appearances mysteriously dried up after she rebuffed O’Reilly’s cheesy advances at a business dinner. So as my episode booking agent Eric Kobrine observed, I have a leg up on O’Reilly: He couldn’t lure Wendy into his hotel room, but I easily got her into my old bedroom. Regarding the O’Reilly saga, Wendy gives big credit to Mercedes Benz for taking the extraordinary step of yanking their advertising from Bill’s show upon the breaking of Wendy’s story, which led to dozens of other advertisers pulling the plug. Right on Mercedes!
The conversation proceeds into Wendy’s main area of distinction and expertise: evolutionary psychology and Attachment Theory—why we bond with romantic partners and the complex interplay between our hard-wired genetic drives and the influence of culture and civilization. Wendy explains why we engage in repeated relationship patterns that are suboptimal, and the idea that we really can change with the right approach. She talks about the discord between our hardwired genetic drives and desires and the influence of civilization and modern culture. We are in wild times when it comes to romantic partnerships, because culture is changing so quickly and the long-standing currencies and exchanges that framed partnerships and marriages no longer apply.
Hang on for a wild ride, because Wendy is definitely high energy with a high spice factor. We will learn the top three things men, and women, look for in a prospective partner, and how we must navigate these hard-wired predilections in the modern dating scene.
Men are looking for, in order:
- Youth and beauty. Surprise! Men on average are drawn to talent eight years younger.
- Loyalty (I sing Kendrick’s song when I hear this. On the show. In front of the Time Magazine co-Person of the Year. Whew…You will love why this is ranked number two!)
Women are looking for, in order:
- Resources: Ferrari’s and Lambo’s, gaudy as they may be, light up female genetic hardwiring. What’s weird is that today, with female economic opportunities and success at an all time high, females are still drawn to “resources,” even if they don’t really need to count on a man.
- Intelligence: If you lose your Lambo in a market correction or lawsuit, you better be smart enough to make some more cake. Like Ludacris said, rapping on Fergie’s song Glamorous: “Brother gotta keep enough lettuce, to support your shoe fetish.”
- Kindness: Hey, men and women agree on something!
Wendy mentions how the dating sites have “sense of humor” drawing high rankings from females, and that this falls under intelligence because you have to be sharp to be funny. Yes, men and women are different, and women need to know how to play their cards properly in order to avoid getting into dysfunctional patterns and relationship disappointment. Pursuant to these goals, Wendy covers the four things women should say on a first date. Do NOT miss this show, ladies! You need your A-game on the first date to avoid wasting time and needless pain and suffering with dudes behind Door #1 and Door #2 (following shortly).
Wendy will trip out females in their fertility years when she observes that men have less pressure from the ticking clock and males and females have different parameters to consider in the dating and mating game. After all, didn’t Tony Randall and Mick Jagger father children when they were around 70? Anyway, Wendy categorizes male prospects into three categories: Boy Toy (good for booty calls, but often living in mom’s basement playing video games); Playah (not interested or mature enough for a commitment); and finally, attractive partner with monogamous inclinations (these guys get scooped up quick so FYI if you are favoring talent in the other categories.) Other topics covered by Wendy include the new cultural values of the millennials (less sex, later marriages, more porn than past generations), and some parenting insights relating to being a single mom of two daughters, including one that landed at Harvard, and including another that lands clean flips in competitive cheerleading.) For sure, there is never a dull moment in this show, and we have definitely tee’d up Wendy to be a favored recurring guest!
- Let’s look at how and why we bond with romantic partners, children, and animals. [00:00:46]
- The top three things men look for in a potential mate: 1. youth and beauty, 2. loyalty, and 3. kindness. [00:02:35]
- The top things women look for in a potential mate: 1. resources, 2. intelligence, and 3. kindness. [00:03:01]
- Who is Wendy Walsh? She is one of the Silence Breakers. [00:05:26]
- How would it be if we could remove these men accused of sexual harassment from their professions? [00:07:34]
- Mercedes Benz was the first of seventy advertisers that pulled from the O’Reilly Factor after hearing Wendy’s story. [00:08:45]
- There was a generational divide over whether this this type of harassment claim should be made. [00:13:21]
- There has been drastic social change in the last two years. [00:14:10]
- The iPhone trains our brain to have ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). [00:15:36]
- The brain doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination. The millennials have less sex than the older generations, and there is less coupling up, How does this effect the next generations? [00:19:19]
- America is good at education. But we don’t retain those brains. [00:23:23]
- How does science play a role in dating? [00:25:30]
- The blueprint for love comes in infancy affecting the rest of your life.[00:31:53]
- Relationships are gymnasiums for the mind. You need to push against something in order to grow. [00:33:14]
- What are the things one should talk about on the first date? [00:35:29]
- Women are dealing with their biological time clock. [00:38:27]
- When women are economically disadvantaged, marriage rates go up and more children are born and prostitution goes up. They need to monetize their vagina. [00:42:00]
- What happens to men when women are successful? [00:44:20]
- We cannot predict the developmental disabilities of babies who have been manufactured. [00:46:56]
- The less educated and American is, the more likely they are to marry early and have babies early. [00:47:25]
- We are competing with ourselves in our own given biology. [00:49:42]
- Women look for, in a guy, resources. In ancestral time, it was protein. These days, it is the car, the job, wealth. [00:53:03]
- The second thing women look for is intelligence. [00:57:48]
- Women agree with men in that kindness is very important because you want to feel safe. [01:03:39]
- Research shows on average that people most likely select somebody who is 25 percent more attractive than they are. [01:04:56]
- Dr. Wendy Walsh
- The 30-Day Love Detox
- 4 Things to Say on the First Date: YouTube presentation
- Time Magazine The Silence Breakers
- Attention Deficit Disorder
- Lagree: Pilates on steroids
- Esther Perel: Resources for couples podcasts and training
- Borat: actor/comedian looking at American culture
- Dr. David Buss: Evolutionary psychologist at the University of Texas, Austin
- Wild Idea Buffalo
“People can change!” – Wendy Walsh
“It is terrifying for people to do something different.” – Wendy Walsh
“We are competing with ourselves in our own given biology.”
Brad Kearns: Welcome to the Get Over Yourself Podcast. This is Brad Kearns.
Wendy Walsh: “I think there are like 20 brands that own our biology, and if we are going to talk about healthy living, it’s going to be understanding that we have to not allow those brands to own our biology.”
“We have evolved to reproduce, and virtually every human behavior, if you boil it down, has some reproductive advantage. And if it doesn’t have a reproductive advantage, then we’re on our way to fall out of evolution’s chain.”
Brad Kearns: It’s time to introduce my show with Dr. Wendy Walsh. What a privilege to connect with her – America’s thought leader on relationships. If you live in LA, you probably know her because she hosts the Dr. Wendy Walsh’s show on KFI Radio, Los Angeles. You can also find that on iHeartMedia, on the podcast scene. And she calls herself obsessed with the science of relationships.
She has a special interest in evolutionary psychology and attachment theory. The theory that looks at how and why we bond with romantic partners, children, animals, all kinds of things. The interplay between our genetic drives and the forces of modern culture and the dating scene.
But we start out talking about her incredible journey of distinction being named one of Time Magazine’s People of the Year in 2017 for her role in kickstarting, turbocharging the Me Too movement. That’s right, she called out Bill O’Reilly. She was the first person to come forward that hadn’t signed a nondisclosure agreement and gotten paid off.
So, we get into that fascinating story and what that meant for her and her life. You can read more about it because it was a big deal. But then we get into her particular area of interest and expertise and she’s … I’m going to have to give you a teaser. It was so fun and fast moving. But you know what, she gave us – this is referencing the work of a psychologist at University of Texas. But it was the top three things that men look for in a mate, potential mate, and the top three things that women look for.
So, here’s my little teaser. I know you’re going to enjoy this wonderful, crazy, fast moving show. Yes, her performance today has teed herself up as a recurring guest on the show. We have way more to cover. Are you listening Wendy? You’re going to come back? Had such a great time and left off with many more topics to cover.
But here’s a little teaser because that interesting research that she cited from the professor at University of Texas. The top three things that men look for in a mate, potential mate.
Number one, can you guess? Youth and beauty.
Number two; loyalty – loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty.
Number three; kindness. Pretty cool, huh?
What are the top three things that women look for in a potential mate?
Number one, guessing? Resources. That’s right – the Ferrari. This is genetically hard-wired survival instincts kicking in and the fascinating interplay with how we navigate relationships in real life when maybe we’re a high-income earning female and we don’t really need resources. But those drives are still there, influencing our decisions. Oh, my goodness, fascinating commentary. But anyway, I told you I’d give you a teaser. So, number one, resources.
Number two, for women; intelligence. Smart guy, wise guy. And how come sense of humor is always listed as the top one on the dating sites? Because if you have a sense of humor, it means you’re smart. That’s why I dropped in another Borat reference, this time getting engagement from Wendy as a big fan too. Proving once and for all with my show with Big George and also with Wendy, that if you’re a Borat fan, that means you’re smart.
Okay. Number one – resources, number two- intelligence, number three – kindness. Listen for more wild times with Dr. Wendy Walsh. Enjoy the show.
Wendy Walsh, welcome to the fabulous studios of the Get Over Yourself Podcast, Southern California. Not quite the level of your usual KFI – that’s the radio station that you hold court on. And for the Los Angeles listeners, pretty slick, pretty fancy, we can see you on videos there.
Wendy Walsh: We have nice studios. And recently, I was in the iHeartMedia, the Kiss FM studio, the Ryan Seacrest Studio recording something, and they actually have golden mics there.
Brad Kearns: Because why? They just ordered those out?
Wendy Walsh: I don’t know. Maybe he won a golden mic or, yeah, maybe Ryan needs them, I don’t know. Clearly, we’re not all over ourselves.
Brad Kearns: We’re trying though. That’s all the matters.
Wendy Walsh: Get real.
Brad Kearns: A special thanks to my boy, Eric Corbyn, lifelong friend. Because he said, “You should look up this Wendy Walsh person and get her on your show.” And I’m like, “All right, all right.”
Wendy Walsh: And who is he? Is he cute?
Brad Kearns: Oh, yeah, he’s-
Wendy Walsh: Don’t be too mean.
Brad Kearns: He’s got dialed. I did a show with his brother and we were talking about our mutual fascination of podcasts, and there you are. I looked you up, you responded to that cold call pitch. I sincerely appreciate it because you’re a big timer.
Wendy Walsh: And I thought I had a Google ad at the bottom of your email.
Brad Kearns: Yeah. Yeah.
Wendy Walsh: Because you didn’t want to talk about keto and I’m like, “Okay, he doesn’t want to talk about keto, why did I get an ad for a keto book?”
Brad Kearns: Right, they attach. They kind of find out who I am and then it follows me the rest of my life.
Wendy Walsh: That’s what I thought, yeah.
Brad Kearns: That’s tough. So, out of the gate, you were, what is it? One of the Women of the Year of Time Magazine?
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, Person of the Year. They picked a group this time, the silence breakers.
Brad Kearns: The silence breakers.
Wendy Walsh: Yeah. It was the most bizarre, surreal year of my life, I can honestly say. As you probably know the story, but the bullet point is that I was approached by the New York Times in the fall of 2016. They were doing an investigation into Fox News and every time they found a woman who had been sexually harassed, they found out that she was quickly removed from her job and silenced with a nondisclosure agreement. And they were up to like 26 women by the time they came to me.
Brad Kearns: At Fox News only?
Wendy Walsh: Yeah.
Brad Kearns: Oh, my Gosh.
Wendy Walsh: By the time they came to me and they said, “We used to see that you used to appear all the time, and then you disappeared.” And I laughed because I have nothing to hide, I’m well over myself. And I just said, “Oh, because I wouldn’t go back to Bill O’Reilly’s hotel room, and he stopped using me on his show.” And they’re like, “You know, that’s sexual harassment?” I’m like, “It is.”
So, then they spent a number of months convincing me to go on record because I was in this unique place because I didn’t have a claim, I wasn’t going after money, I didn’t sue anybody, but I was the only one free to talk on behalf of silenced victims.
Brad Kearns: So, the nondisclosures were out there for … they had some consideration. They received a sum to sign the agreement, right?
Wendy Walsh: Right.
Brad Kearns: Generally speaking, that’s what you do when you sign a nondisclosure, is you do it for a reason.
Wendy Walsh: And these women, of course, because before Me Too, if a woman complained, she literally was blackballed in the industry and often could not work again. So, imagine now the dozens and dozens of women in New York media, from Harvey Weinstein to all the various victims at Fox and other places who disappeared from the media market. And these are really educated women; producers, talent, and they disappeared and they were silenced for life. Now you see how this is? Imagine if they could do that to a whole group of men, if they just found a way to remove men from-
Brad Kearns: A gene pool.
Wendy Walsh: … the marketplace, right.
Brad Kearns: As well as the airwaves.
Wendy Walsh: And silence them for life.
Brad Kearns: So, why would Fox pay out at that frequency?
Wendy Walsh: Oh, it’s math. It’s basic math. So, let’s use the example of the O’Reilly Factor. The O’Reilly Factor was bringing in $400 million in ad revenue every year.
Brad Kearns: Never heard of it, is that a TV show?
Wendy Walsh: It used to be, yeah, it’s gone. It’s in the podcast world now apparently. And so, we know that he personally now we’re aware of, and we haven’t found at all, paid off $46 million in suits. One was for 32 million to one woman. Lord knows what happened there that he felt it was worth 32 million. We also know that the company paid off victims.
So, let’s just, for want of finding a nice round number, say, okay, they’re making $400 a year in ad revenue, and let’s say each year they have to pay off about 10 million in sexual harassment suits, they’re still making 390 million. It’s just about math.
And do you know, the biggest credit is not due to me for being the first to be brave enough to come out. This is before Weinstein, Cosby, before everybody. The credit is to Mercedes-Benz. And I want to give a shout out to Mercedes Benz.
When I held my press … The New York Times printed their article in April, 1st 2017. The next Monday morning, I held a press conference with my attorney Lisa Bloom, so that we could just get it all out of the way in one quick 30-minute press conference instead of me doing a million interviews with everybody. And about an hour after that interview, we were in one of those black SUVs that people get shuttled around in to go to media things, going out to do quick interview for Good Morning America at ABC and all of a sudden, Lisa gets a text. Mercedes-Benz tweeted, “We respect our …” It was something to the effect of, “We respect our women customers, we respect our women employees. We cannot endorse this show.”
So, they were the first to pull out and they’re the gold standard in advertisers. And by the end of two weeks, 70 advertisers had pulled out. And I believe had Mercedes not made that big, bold, brave move and backed me up right after my press conference … I mean, honestly, we should just as women be buying Mercedes all day long. Because this was a very big corporate move where a company put their money where their mouth was.
Brad Kearns: Finally, yeah.
Wendy Walsh: And took a risk in a show that was so highly rated. It was obviously great for them for advertising.
Brad Kearns: Their demographic, perfect. All that nonsense, yeah.
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, and they said, “No, we’re not going to do this not because of how women are being treated, this is why.”
Brad Kearns: So, this is now public record that Bill O’Reilly paid one lady $32 million?
Wendy Walsh: Oh, yeah.
Brad Kearns: But we don’t know why because there was a nondisclosure?
Wendy Walsh: Of course. We don’t know anything that went on with any of them. So, we only know that millions went out.
Brad Kearns: How do you know that?
Wendy Walsh: Oh, because the New York Times was able to dig up copies of the agreements but not with the details. In other words, a nondisclosure, but the amount. And also, every time somebody shells out $32 million, there are a lot of attorneys involved on both sides. And those attorneys have lots of employees at law firms and people leak. So, stuff got leaked to the New York Times.
Brad Kearns: So, in your case, you, at the time when they stopped asking you to come back, you were like a guest commentator on the show and they just kind of stopped asking you?
Wendy Walsh: Yeah. Well, what made the difference is that at the beginning of, well first of all, a Fox employee contacted me … I just want to stop and say one thing, Bill O’Reilly did not get fired because I spoke to the New York Times. Bill O’Reilly got fired because a cadre of attorneys at Fox deposed me. They grilled me with my attorney for more than two hours. They asked for names of five friends that I knew in 2013 who I would have told immediately after the event. And they called and interviewed all of my five friends. They asked for email, evidence of the dinner being set up by Fox employees, me being fired by a Fox employee. Everything – they did their investigation.
I didn’t know I had email evidence, but Gmail is our memory. You Google stuff in Gmail, you’ll be amazed what you can come up with. I had everything was right there. So, it was after they did their thorough investigation.
Now, I also heard on the side, and I don’t know if this is true, so I can’t corroborate it. But in the gossip machine that goes around the world, is that because they had paid off so much in sexual harassment lawsuits on his behalf in the past, when they renewed his contract just a few weeks before his fateful dinner with me, there was a clause in it that said “one more claim of sexual harassment and you’re out.”
Brad Kearns: Even the big shot has – everyone’s got their limit, I guess, yeah.
Wendy Walsh: I guess, yeah. And so, apparently, I was that claim. I don’t know what was in his contract. I’m telling you this as gossip, but that’s what-
Brad Kearns: That’s what we’re here for.
Wendy Walsh: That’s right, we’re here for gossip.
Brad Kearns: So, you had a casual dinner to engage with this prominent person.
Wendy Walsh: And the big error that he made besides using Fox employees to set up the dinner – so, it was a business dinner in my mind. “I mean, Bill, you could have just texted me and said, you want to have dinner, right.” There’s nothing illegal about that.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, you might’ve said yes or maybe not.
Wendy Walsh: But using his employees to get me to a dinner table, and then within the first five minutes of dinner telling me that they decided to make me a contributor on the show, a paid contributor – he and Roger Ailes. I now fell into the category of job applicant.
Brad Kearns: Sure. You think that was a ruse that his whole game, that was part of his A-game to get you to his hotel suite or whatever?
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, because after I declined the invitation to his hotel suite, I didn’t get the job. But you’ve got to understand, a woman of my generation has navigated around these minefields for all our careers. We’re so used to it. I shrugged my shoulders and kept moving on. Like it was just my favorite cocktail party story to tell. It’s only these young women … and believe me, I spent months interviewing every woman I knew, trying to get opinions about whether I should indeed go on record or not. And I found this generational divide that really disturbed me.
If a woman was over 40, she’d go, “Don’t do it, don’t do it. You’ll get blackballed in the industry, don’t do it.” Because that’s how it was. But then I had a 20-year-old daughter in college and her and all her friends are like, “No, mom, you’ve got to do this.” And so, in the end I did it for my daughters and their generation. I didn’t expect Me Too to happen. I didn’t expect to workplaces to change so swiftly. That would have been up-high-in-the-sky dream. I was just going to do my little piece to just be honest about how women are treated in the workplace and now look, my daughters will be able to enter the workplace in a very different kind of environment than their mothers and me had to endure.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, I suppose some of these things will never go away, but now the penalty, the price to pay is so high that we’re making great progress.
Wendy Walsh: I cannot believe how much social change has happened in America literally in the past two years. Not just for sexual harassment but gender rights, trans rights. I mean, we’re just seeing sweeping social change. Which I think is kind of fascinating at a time when we have an administration that seems so conservative socially. But I almost feel like it’s the people having their backlash. Because think of it, President Trump was sworn in January of 2017 and like the next day, the Women’s March happened everywhere. And then the New York Times printed their thing by April, and you just see it, just see these events happening. I’m not sure, when did gay marriage happen?
Brad Kearns: I guess State-by-State.
Wendy Walsh: Since before. State-by-State, right exactly. Because I’m thinking California where it’s been-
Brad Kearns: 10 years or something.
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, in here. Yeah, and then the weed. I don’t know if that’s good social change or not.
Brad Kearns: I don’t either, I don’t either. I’m kind of an advocate for clean living of course, but-
Wendy Walsh: Me too. I’m just worried about the driving.
Brad Kearns: Well, they’re in the slow lane, right? They joke about the guys who are-
Wendy Walsh: I know, but there’s no breathalyser test, you know. There’s no – you’re getting a phone call in the middle of our podcast.
Brad Kearns: We don’t like phone calls in the middle of a podcast. Yeah, so that’s right. I think the communication, the digital media and all that is for the most part, great. Some of it deeply concerns me; the distractability and the constant stimulation is really tough. Especially for me, I’m trying to let’s say write a book which is the opposite of our daily engagement with text, email, video, all that stuff.
Wendy Walsh: This little box here, this iPhone actually trains our brain to have ADD. Because you scan an article and you’re looking for click throughs and then something pops up and you’re dealing with that. And in order to manage that, you actually have to acclimate to it and have attention deficit. And so, focus is been the thing … like I teach college students and to try to get them to read a textbook or a bunch of journal articles is so rough.
I noticed that the latest versions of textbooks are all done in chunks of information, with big headlines and colorful photographs.
Brad Kearns: Really, like a college textbook?
Wendy Walsh: College textbook.
Brad Kearns: Oh, mercy.
Wendy Walsh: Whereas ours, when I was there, it was just pages and pages of boring text. But yeah, they made them.
Brad Kearns: I guess the older generation is the last reading and so-
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, so be careful who you write your book for.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, for real. Do these big old like headlines-
Wendy Walsh: Podcasts, podcasts.
Brad Kearns: I’ll have a headline every two pages.
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, and a little info box and a tear out thing and a … yeah, that’s what we got to do.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, speaking of podcast and audio, I mean this is your big thing too. I think it’s great because we’re not asking for your 100% undivided attention. So, you could be raking leaves right now or doing a workout while listening.
Wendy Walsh: Driving.
Brad Kearns: Driving.
Wendy Walsh: I’ve become a talk radio and podcast junkie as I drive.
Brad Kearns: Imagine that. You listen to yourself ever?
Wendy Walsh: Never.
Brad Kearns: Never?
Wendy Walsh: I don’t want my Program Director, Robin Bertolucci to hear that. She tells me that I’m supposed to listen because that’s how I get better. And I did at the beginning, Robin, because you told me at the beginning and it was cringe worthy. It was awful.
Brad Kearns: Really?
Wendy Walsh: But I got through it. No one wants to hear themselves.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, I realize the argument that it will help make you better to listen and evaluate. And I also like listening to myself because I try not to get bored. So, if I’m bored with myself, I’m going to reflect on that. Like, “Oh, that was too long. The intro to Wendy Walsh went for six minutes instead of three,” because I got bored and I couldn’t wait to get to the real show.”
Wendy Walsh: Oh, so you can actually listen as a listener and be kind of impartial in that way?
Brad Kearns: Sure, yeah. I’ll push the button and play my own podcast just in the interest of getting better.
Wendy Walsh: As soon as I hear myself, “Hi, it’s Wendy Walsh,” my whole stomach sinks and I’m just like, “Oh no, who is that person?” I hate listening to myself.
Brad Kearns: Well, that’s cool. It means you’re freewheeling. You’re not self-regulating when you’re doing it, you’re the real deal.
Wendy Walsh: No, in fact, the tech guy had to learn to hit that button because I even swear. And so, now, I learned not to swear at least, because I would get in trouble. But they would hit that button and-
Brad Kearns: You get beeped out.
Wendy Walsh: … and beep me out.
Brad Kearns: You could swear on this if you want.
Wendy Walsh: I know it’s podcast world. You can say, you can go, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” That’s all fine.
Brad Kearns: Or Bill O’Reilly, why didn’t you go back to-
Wendy Walsh: Wait, don’t put that word in there with Bill O’Reilly? No.
Brad Kearns: Oh, she’s smart. I was trying to trick you. Oh, my gosh. So, then I went and looked you up when Eric said, “Check this woman out.” I haven’t been in LA for years and years, so I’m not on the radio waves. I didn’t know about your show. So, I dove deep in and saw the videos and all the content out there, you’re getting yourself out there. My favorite part was like, you’re just nonstop spicy and just-
Wendy Walsh: Thank you.
Brad Kearns: … these talking points and this energy-
Wendy Walsh: But it’s the science of human mating that I’m obsessed with. It is the biological, sociological and psychological pieces of love. It’s the science of love that I’m really obsessed with.
Brad Kearns: So, what do you think of Chris Ryan? Do you line up with that type of work? The sex at dawn guy and his arguments that we’re going against our genetics in so many ways in modern culture?
Wendy Walsh: Well, I think there is an evolutionary trap that many of us have fallen into. In fact, just last night I was talking on my KFI show about, I use this comparison of this interesting phenomenon in Australia, where they found out these male beetles were getting so attracted to these brown beer bottles that had a certain ridged pattern on them, that looked exactly like a female tale. That this beetle was going extinct and the beer company had to change the whole design of their bottle. Because as you know, you lose one animal in the environment, you lose a chain of animals, right?
So, I compared it to our addiction to porn, because it’s pattern recognition. Men are more visually wired than women. And so, the brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality. So, when a man watches porn, he thinks he’s had sex. So, I think it’s fascinating that the research is showing that millennials, for instance, are having less sex than our generation. They are coupling up less often. There’s less boyfriend, girlfriend stuff until they get into their 30s and the pressure to procreate is on. And I’m wondering how that will affect evolution’s chain in the long run.
Brad Kearns: Oh, you watched the movie Idiocracy?
Wendy Walsh: No.
Brad Kearns: It’s the 500 years set in the future. And the premise is that only the lowest level of the population, the dumbest people procreate like crazy. And then the high, intellect people are working on their careers and planning, “Well, we’re going to have one to two kids, but we’re going to wait till I get my MBA,” and it’s a super funny starting point. And then we see what the world’s like 500 years from now, and it’s overrun by the lowest common denominator, and everybody’s stupid, idiots.
Wendy Walsh: Do you think we have to wait 500 years to see that?
Brad Kearns: It could be happening right in front of our eyes.
Wendy Walsh: Exactly, although I was at – to throw out the H-word, a certain school in Boston, and it was parents weekend and there was this economist doing a lecture on why the 1% exists and what all the economic phenomenon are. And one of the things he mentioned and he’s a very famous economist who teaches at the H-school, was a sort of mating.
So, what happens is when you get to the top in a lot of these private schools, you end up finding mates during your reproductive years, and you start putting your economic portfolios together. And people who are higher educated tend to marry later, have fewer children. So, we talk about this accumulative wealth also going into fewer offsprings hands.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, there we go. So, the 1% will continue to … I mean the stats are pretty disturbing right now. There’s a lot of negative implications. I don’t know if everyone would agree with me, but it seems like generally accepted that the money in the hands of very few is not good for anyone.
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, I’m not an economist, but I don’t like not having a large middle class. There is a perception in America that we have a large middle class, but it’s not true
Brad Kearns: We’re falling off because India and China, which were basically third world nations when we were growing up our generation, now they’re coming over and taking the highly paid engineering jobs in Silicon Valley and we’re going to be losing out on the union jobs.
Wendy Walsh: I say, again, I hate to speak about economics and politics because that’s not my forte, but human behavior is all interesting to me. And I don’t know if you ever read Fareed Zakaria’s book, The Post-American World?
Brad Kearns: A little bit, yeah.
Wendy Walsh: And one of the things he says, which I really liked, is he says, “First of all, we’re not seeing the decline of America, we’re seeing the rise of the rest.” So, we’re seeing more strong economies that we’re competing with. But at the end of the book he says, so what is America good at? And what America is really good at is education. And we educate better than anyone worldwide. When I travel internationally, all people want to know is how to get their kids into a good school in America. But what we don’t do is retain those brains. We have this giant brain drain.
So, they come over from their countries, get the best education from us and go home and then compete against us. So, the big goal for America, according to Fareed Zakaria, is to keep these brains here.
Brad Kearns: Or, I mean there’s controversy in University of California for letting in an increasing percentage of foreign or out-of-State students.
Wendy Walsh: No, not a problem letting them in, just don’t let them go home. That’s the point.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, bring over the best and the brightest and keep them here. Or just accept the global economy’s here and what are you going to do about it now?
Wendy Walsh: Look, I have a friend who’s a – I don’t know if I can even disclose what she … she works for the federal government and she resolves conflict in certain countries, shall we say. She has a PhD in Public Policy. And she likes to say, “There are far more powerful entities in the world than the US government or many governments.” And so, she’s sort of doing the work of the government, but she’s up against these major multinational corporations who are way more powerful and, in some ways, have bigger budgets.
I mean, this is one of the reasons why so many countries have such fervent nationalism right now and trying to protect their boundaries and their identity. Because they feel the blurred boundaries. They feel that it is becoming a globe. They understand that Starbucks and Apple are owning us. They own us in so many ways, and Facebook, right?
I think there are like 20 brands that own our biology, and if we are going to talk about healthy living, it’s going to be understanding that we have to not allow those brands to own our biology. And we need to think separately for what’s good for us.
Brad Kearns: Nice, I like that. That’s why I’m so selective with my advertisers on the show.
Wendy Walsh: Good.
Brad Kearns: Let’s get back to your obsession-
Wendy Walsh: Yes, with human mating?
Brad Kearns: And you made that face when I said, “Chris Ryan.” We’re not on video, but you-
Wendy Walsh: I was like, “Who is he? I don’t know.” I’m sorry. Maybe I’m not the demo.
Brad Kearns: Yeah. So, tell me about all that and how it relates to … You’re mostly known for these insights. You come on TV and give some pithy dating insights which are fascinating.
Wendy Walsh: No, no, they’re not necessarily pithy. I think that everything relates to science in some way. And we have evolved to procreate, we have evolved to reproduce. And virtually every human behavior that we do, if you boil it down, has some reproductive advantage. And if it doesn’t have a reproductive advantage, then we’re on our way to fall out of evolution’s chain. And so, this is what I look at. I look at human behavior, I look at the science of why we mate.
For instance, okay. So, some of the work of, and I’m the mouthpiece, I’m not the researcher. I read the research and I translate it into words that everybody can understand. That is not dumbing it down, it’s making things more accessible.
So, I don’t know if you know Dr. David Buss at the University of Texas Austin? He’s an evolutionary psychologist who writes a lot about human mating. He did a study of 10,000 participants in 37 countries. I’m telling you this, so you’ll understand that this is a basic human result that he got from his study. It’s not cultural in any way.
He found that around the globe, there are certain things that all men desire in a woman, and there are certain things that all women desire in a man. And that is not about culture, that is just being a human. Do you want to know what they are?
Brad Kearns: What are those certain things?
Wendy Walsh: Well, if you had to guess, if you were looking for a mate, what do you think would be the first thing as a man that you would look for?
Brad Kearns: Oh, let’s push pause so the listeners can play along too. So, go think of your answer. You can push pause and come back. What would be the first thing that I look for?
Wendy Walsh: Yeah.
Brad Kearns: … let’s say?
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, you’re a dude. Don’t even try to sugar-coat it. Just say it.
Brad Kearns: Smile.
Wendy Walsh: Okay, well you’re getting really macro, it’s looks, right? It’s what she looks like.
Brad Kearns: Appearance, sure.
Wendy Walsh: Appearance. So, what men look for cross-culturally is they look for youth and beauty. Because youth and beauty is a status indicator of fertility. And even if … because I do believe that peers stay attracted to peers across the lifespan, because we have the same psychological references, the same experience – biological peers.
Brad Kearns: Peers, so, I’m now attracted to women in their 50s because I’m 50. When I was 40, that kind of thing, is that what you mean by peers? So, when you say-
Wendy Walsh: Exactly. Men always like a woman about seven years younger, anyway.
Brad Kearns: Is that so?
Wendy Walsh: It tends to be.
Brad Kearns: When you say youth and beauty, so if I’m/or anyone who’s listening is thinking of their – my ideal mate I already have, so, I’m not thinking. But if anyone’s thinking of an ideal mate, they’re going to go seven years younger as a routine?
Wendy Walsh: Not as a routine, but it’s very common. Because men take longer to develop psychologically.
Brad Kearns: Oh, I know, that’s for sure because I’m 53 and I’m still like-
Wendy Walsh: So, think about in our mating years, a 30-year-old guy, it’s almost like he doesn’t have his head together until he’s 30, could easily date a 23-year-old woman who’s-
Brad Kearns: “Oh my God, you’re like so smart.”
Wendy Walsh: It’s true.
Brad Kearns: “It is so fun to go on your – the awesome date. Oh, my gosh, how did you know all these hiking trails? How did you get back to the car?”
Wendy Walsh: Right. See, she knows how to make him feel good too.
Brad Kearns: And what about the 23-year-old dating the 30-year-old? Is there like a flip flop there were the woman likes an older, more mature man?
Wendy Walsh: Women tend to like older, more mature men, right.
Brad Kearns: That takes control and is so worldly.
Wendy Walsh: Well, let’s talk about – so, the three things men look for are youth and beauty. And even if they’re looking for a peer, they’re going to look for the youngest and prettiest peer, right? Again, their brain is being tricked into thinking fertility, even if they’re past menopause. They’re still going to look at the cutest chick past menopause.
Then the next thing men look for right behind that is loyalty. Because in our anthropological past, you know who invented monogamy? Not women, it was men. In the hunter-gatherer societies that are studied today, it has been determined that the gatherers, mostly women, collect more calories than the men.
Brad Kearns: Sure.
Wendy Walsh: But the men bring back that important protein and share it with the wealth. And so, what happens is as she was gathering and running with her sisters and children and mothers and whatever, he better stay on her tail (we call that monogamy) or else she would end up copulating with somebody else. Since we are the only, one of the few species that has concealed fertility. When she gives birth in that hospital, he can never be 100% sure that that’s his baby until recent paternity tests. And that’s why paternity tests are so popular. And so, as a result, the second thing he’s going to look for is loyalty.
Brad Kearns: Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty – Kendrick Lamar’s song. Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty.
Wendy Walsh: So, it doesn’t matter if he’s hooked up with an amazing supermodel, if she’s sharing her eggs with everybody out there, he could end up supporting another man’s genes and falling out of evolution’s chain.
Brad Kearns: Right. And so, you’re applying these insights to this is modern culture where we’re not literally worried about that stuff, but it’s going on in our brains. We can’t get rid of that idea.
Wendy Walsh: We may not consciously be worried about it, but every behavior we do is based on it. Why do you think men still care about the sexual double standard? The one that gives men points for sexual experience and gives women demerit points, right? Because he’s wondering who she’s hooking up with, who’s eggs could be in her. And even at the most microbiological level, you know, there’s such a thing as fighter sperm, right?
Brad Kearns: Fighter sperm?
Wendy Walsh: Yes. They’re at the beginning of the ejaculate and they head up the vagina and they kill off. They’re infertile, it’s impossible for them to impregnate the woman. But their whole job is to kill off any remaining sperm that might be lying there from the last guy.
Brad Kearns: Oh, that’s nice.
Wendy Walsh: See, even on the micro level, you guys are like working it. So, anyway, the third thing men look for, and I’ll get to what women look for in a minute, is – so it’s youth and beauty. It is loyalty, and then it’s kindness. Again, it doesn’t matter, if you’ve hooked up with an amazing supermodel who’s going to be completely monogamous with you, if she’s a biatch and a pain in the ass to live with, you’re not going to be happy, right?
Brad Kearns: That leads me to a follow-up question, is why that happens so often?
Wendy Walsh: Oh, so this is the great thing about human mating science. Sometimes evolution takes over and sometimes our individual psychology. So, remember I always look at the biological piece, the sociological piece and the psychological piece.
The psychological piece might be that in the first few years of life, we all form a model for love in our head. And that model is based on how we were cared for, especially in the first year when our brain triples in size. And that love might have been filled with a nice secure attachment. A mother that gave them a breast when they were hungry, rocked them, wrapped them when they were cold, changed their diaper when they were ready.
So, as the brain triples in size, they grow up to believe like people can be trusted, love is great. I’ll pick a mate who feels just like my mom because my mom was really great. But then there are babies that get neglected, abused, left to cry in a crib because somebody in a baby book told the mother it’s good for their lungs to cry it out. And these babies may grow up with feelings of mistrust for love or feelings of longing.
Interestingly enough, that blueprint for love that’s formed early in life gets cast on our adult romantic relationships. And we will go right back to the scene of the crime, we will find somebody who will meet our “needs” even if our needs are filled-
Brad Kearns: Messed up.
Wendy Walsh: … with pain, because it’s familiar. We know we can survive pain. We got through it once. We don’t know if we can survive happiness, and we haven’t had it.
Brad Kearns: So, you reference that very early development of the first year. What about like in high school when you’re rejected by all the snobby girls at your thing.
Wendy Walsh: It’s all repetition.
Brad Kearns: Is that going to carry over into your adult life?
Wendy Walsh: It’s still repetition. Because what happens is the babies who have a secure attachment with their primary care givers form secure attachments in their adolescent relationships, and they form secure attachment in their adult relationships. So, they’re just repeating, they’re just finding new objects to repeat what they’ve already been through because the brain is trying to work it out this time. On some unconscious level, at a dating table, a girl is going, “I’m going to make sure daddy doesn’t leave me this time. Will you be this for me?” And the abandoning dude is like, “Sure, knock yourself out. You’re pretty hot. What movies do you like to go see?”
And they’re having this other level conversation, but underneath, there’s an unconscious handshake that says, “You’ll treat me the way I need to,” because what are relationships? They are a gymnasium for our minds.
I love these people who go, “Well, I went and I did a meditation retreat and I didn’t talk for a month and I sat on a mountain, and I grew so much.” And I’m like, “No, you didn’t. You can’t grow unless you have a piece of machinery to push against.”
If you looked at your physical body and said, “I decided to sleep for a month and I got in such good shape,” would you get in good shape? You need to push against something in order to grow, whether it’s physically resisting weights or running, sprinting or what have you-
Brad Kearns: What’s your crazy workout called that you-?
Wendy Walsh: Legree.
Brad Kearns: Legree.
Wendy Walsh: Legree. It’s like palotes on steroids, is what people call it. It’s pretty insane.
Brad Kearns: So, you need to grow in terms of navigating a relationship and building new skills or-/
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, we hope to grow across the lifespan, right? And people can change at any point in the life. The problem is people get-
Brad Kearns: Wendy Walsh quote of the show, “People can change.” I love that.
Wendy Walsh: They can. But the problem is people get stuck in patterns and they just repeat patterns over and over and over. They start dating the same person over and over. They’re wearing a different shirt, they drive a different car, but it’s the same person. It’s the same mechanisms in the relationship. And for many people, it is terrifying to just do something different.
Brad Kearns: Like on one of your videos, you’re talking about the four things to ask on a date or four things to do on-
Wendy Walsh: I don’t remember what they are.
Brad Kearns: Four things to say on the first date.
Wendy Walsh: What’s on that video?
Brad Kearns: Your accomplishments, the things you’re most proud of, interview the date rather than just think that you’re on an interview.
Wendy Walsh: This is the biggest mistake that women make especially. Because I don’t know why, I think women for some reason, maybe it’s our culture, maybe it’s women – we feel insecure on dates. So, we think we need to sell ourselves. And what I tell women is okay, sperm chases egg, not the reverse. It’s bio 101. If you’re there on a dating table and he’s asked you out – which is rare for millennials by the way, they don’t even date anymore.
But let’s assume it’s a formal, traditional, old-fashioned date, you’ve already won. You are now in the driver’s seat and you are taking applications. And you’re deciding whether to hire somebody to merge with your firm. And women need to know that. That men are surprised to hear that most women don’t know that for instance, they control the sexual pace of a relationship. “Like I do?” “Yes, you do. Honey, it’s all about you. He wants access to your eggs. Even if your eggs are old, he wants access to those eggs.” And so, you are in the position to politely and sweetly ask a lot of questions on a date. That’s what you should be doing, is interviewing, not selling.
Brad Kearns: Well, your first one is state your accomplishments. So, the things that you’re proud of, so you can sell a little bit but also interview – sell and interview together, yeah.
Wendy Walsh: So, one of the things people do on … this is about specifically on a first date. People go out on first dates and talk about nothing, and they let the unconscious handshake take place. They talk about movies, “And where do you like to go and what do you like to eat? And Oh, that’s nice, and where are you from? Oh, what’s your birthday? What’s your middle name?” Right? And they don’t really talk about anything meaningful.
So, one question that I think is really important to ask somebody is what are you most proud of in your life? Because that’s a real like, “Oh myself, what have I done to really please myself in my life? What’s the meaning in my life?” And you get a sense for someone’s passions, their values, just by asking that question. And in the same sense providing that as well. Telling somebody, “You know, I’ve done a lot of things in my life, but one of the things I’m really proud of is I did this or I did that.” And then the person’s like, “Oh.” It’s not bragging. It’s actually knowing your worth and being able to convey it in just a confident way. Because you know what’s the most sexy thing in the world? Self-confidence. The sexiest; for both genders. We like people who like themselves.
Brad Kearns: Esther Perel said, “Watching someone perform in their area of competency is the most attractive thing you can get.” Yeah. So, we’re interviewing the person. We’re also talking about our accomplishments, may be turning around and asking them the very same question, “What are you most proud of? Whatever.” And then we have the relationship goals, and then finally the boundaries.
Wendy Walsh: Yep. This is really important. So, people, especially women. Women have a fertility window that men don’t have. 80% of women will become mothers at some point in their lifespan.
Brad Kearns: 80%, is that so?
Wendy Walsh: One in five do not. So, we’re one of these interesting species that part of the evolution of our high intelligence is because we have these huge population of aloe parents. These are men and women who do not procreate themselves, but their genes stay in the environment because they are the best aunties and uncles and they’re helping out with the nieces and nephews or they may be like building businesses that employ families and children. They help raise the species as a whole.
So, let’s go back to 80% of women on that dating table are going to become mothers. They have a fertility window, they know it. The guy knows it, she knows it, everybody knows it. It’s like the elephant in the living room. If the chicken is 33-years-old, family better come up and her desire to have kids or not, better come up sooner rather than later. Because why wait until the hormones are going crazy and you’re in deep lust to suddenly learn that this person, let’s say he’s a man, does not want to marry for at least five years and chick is 36. She should like nix him on that first date before there’s much investment.
So, talk about your relationship life plan, what your goals are. And it’s also really sexy for a woman to say, “Hey, you know, I’m still in grad school and I plan to work for a couple of years, but I’d like to be married if, you know, probably a few years into that. And I’d like to have my first baby by the time I’m 31.” A guy’s like, “Whoa! She’s got a plan. Well, I might hook my wagon up to that plan. Well, this girl’s going somewhere.”
That’s self-confidence, to know that you can find a mate who will help you meet your relationship goals. But what girls do is the opposite. They go, “I’m just going to be the fun girl to him and I won’t let him know that I really want to commitment or that I really want to become a mother. And so, I’m just going to have sex with him and we’ll just hook up and I’ll keep it light for as long as I can, and I’ll just sneak in the backdoor and then someday I’ll say, ‘Where is this relationship going?’” And he’ll be shocked because he’s thinking this was sports sex, because she never brought it up until it was too late.
So, I think it’s really important that if you have a relationship life goal and a plan to say it.
Brad Kearns: Why would they hide that? Is that lack of self-confidence, thinking that-?
Wendy Walsh: No, it’s because right now, we have an oversupply of successful women, and female to female competition means that women are competing for mates. Here’s why we have an oversupply of successful women. For every man that graduates college right now, there are three women. There are even in medical schools and law schools, 50% women. There are more women according to the last Labor Board Statistics in the American workforce than men. Now, we don’t have enough skirts and stilettos in boardrooms. We’re going to be on board of directors more, soon. But this is because we’ve entered the information age.
So, remember, when we were hunters and gatherers, women could freely roam the Savannah and get as many calories as the dudes. The big downfall was farming where all of a sudden, a woman was stuck with a man on his plot of land, which gave way to the barefoot and the pregnant, barefoot in the kitchen, pregnant motif, and lost a lot of her sorority of women, except for the quilting circles and knitting bees.
Then we entered the industrial age, which was even harder on women. Women’s choice, if you think about it, when women are disadvantaged, economically disadvantaged, and there are lots of cultures in the world to look at, marriage rates go up, more children are born into wedlock, virginity is coveted, and oh yeah, prostitution goes way up. Because when women are disadvantaged, the only choice they have is to monetize their vagina. Either by saying, “Here’s a contract, dude, sign this if you want access. And then support me and my offspring in a deal called marriage.” Or they rent it by the hour as prostitutes. I don’t think this is good for women by the way. I’m not saying, “Oh, marriage rates go up. Isn’t that great?” Not necessarily.
Now, in modern capitalist America, unfortunately, we don’t have enough social structures to help single parents and single parents are at risk for all kinds of things besides poverty, mental and physical health declines, etc. So, until we get better social supports in our culture, marriage is still the best deal for kids right now. It’s the best nest we have. But hey, you go to a Scandinavian country where either parent gets 18 months full pay and there’s lots of-
Brad Kearns: Free medical childcare, free education.
Wendy Walsh: Free childcare, free medical care, and you see marriage rates go down as well. Because they don’t need marriage as much. So, when women become disadvantaged, we know what happens. But we’ve never seen until we look at modern America what happens when women become advantaged. Now that we have women with all this education, making all this money, they need marriage less. They don’t need to retain their virginity.
Listen, in 1950, how long do you think it was between meeting somebody and getting to an altar? What was the average amount of time?
Brad Kearns: Eight weeks or-
Wendy Walsh: It was six months. It was six months.
Brad Kearns: Oh, my gosh.
Wendy Walsh: So, the price of sex in 1950 was six months of courtship and an altar. In the 1980s, the price of sex was three dates. Remember the three-date rule?
Brad Kearns: No. Was that you or who made that up?
Wendy Walsh: No, I don’t know who made it up.
Brad Kearns: You have to wait three dates before-
Wendy Walsh: If he didn’t pay for three full dates, there was no way you were going to put out, right? Now, sex can be had for the cost of one well-worded text.
Brad Kearns: Thumb swinging.
Wendy Walsh: So, one thumb swipe, right? Because women have enough economic independence that they can now enjoy their bodies and have sex for sex’s sake. But the problem is nobody realize what would happen to men when women put sex out into the economy in high supply.
So, the first thing that happens is one of the reasons why young men compete against other young men to obtain resources is to attract mates. But now dudes can sit in their mom’s basement playing Xbox until they’re 30 and get girls to text them naked pictures of themselves and go to her well-appointed condo for a little love later. So, there’s no need for him to make money.
These guys are fun to fuck, but these women are not going to marry them. So, there’s a group of men who are off the marriage market. Then there’s another group of men-
Brad Kearns: This is complete surprise. This is new stuff.
Wendy Walsh: Really?
Brad Kearns: I mean, no, what you just said, we’re talking about this generation right now.
Wendy Walsh: This generation.
Brad Kearns: What you just said didn’t exist very recently.
Wendy Walsh: No, sex and mating changes with cultural changes.
Brad Kearns: Okay, so we have these boy toy – well, call the first category, the “boy toy”.
Wendy Walsh: Boy toy, the boy toys are off the marriage market, nobody wants to marry them, right? Because they’re not making enough money, they’re in their mom’s basement. Then there’s this other group of men who are the alpha males who are still making money in this economy, and they are riding this wave of free sex into their 40s because they have no fertility window. So, they can wait until they’re 43, 44 and then have a 28-year-old girlfriend, wife.
So, these men are ostensibly off the marriage market because they’re not available in the woman’s fertility window. So, what’s left Is this high supply of highly educated, successful women who are scrambling for the other third. And the other third of men are the ones who are naturally monogamous, who anthropologists have always scratched their head about what percentage of human beings are monogamous. And they think it might be around 50%, which is pretty high. And so, we have the widest range of sexual behavior of any primate species.
So, these women, there are these guys that/or maybe peer men, maybe make about the same as them or a little less, but they’re monogamous. And these women, the smart women marry these men when they come across them in their late 20s and early 30s. But if you wait too long, that group gets pulled off the market because they’re commitment-oriented.
Brad Kearns: They’re paired up.
Wendy Walsh: And you’re left with two men; the player and the boy toy. And you got a fertility window dwindling and you spend $20,000 of your after-tax hard-earned money freezing your flipping eggs. And have you ever seen a kindergarten classroom filled up with thought out eggs? We can’t predict the developmental disabilities that are going to come with the next wave of manufacturer babies, just saying. But the companies are real quick to take these rich women’s money.
Brad Kearns: Right. I mean, we know that the difference between a c-section and a vaginal birth, lifelong immune function and all that is a big difference. Same with the breastfeeding or formula-fed. So, you’re probably onto something.
Wendy Walsh: Oh, do we get to talk about breastfeeding? It’s my favorite topic in the world. My whole dissertation was on breastfeeding.
Brad Kearns: Was it really?
Wendy Walsh: I followed 100 pregnant women for a year.
Brad Kearns: It’s a big deal, huh?
Wendy Walsh: I was a dairy queen for six years.
Brad Kearns: Six years?
Wendy Walsh: I nursed each of my kids for three years.
Brad Kearns: Wow. So, you weren’t one of those Walldorf – sorry, the moms who are nursing till the kid’s six. The kid’s at standing height just walking up-
Wendy Walsh: We had a conversation just before their third birthday, where I’d be like, “You know when you turn three, it’s so exciting because you have a party and you get a clown and you get to say bye, bye to the boobies.” And then there’s three long nights of crying and holding and rocking where you wear three support bras on top of each other and a turtle neck and you all get through it.
Brad Kearns: Get scratch marks on your lulu lemon expensive gear.
Wendy Walsh: It’s true.
Brad Kearns: So, back to those females that are in their fertility period, are there a certain segment of today’s evolved population where they might not worry about that? Or is this something that genetically-
Wendy Walsh: Well, as I said, one in five don’t become mothers and there’s no right or wrong to that.
Brad Kearns: Is that going to change to five in 10 over the next 50 years because of all the lack of economic necessity now?
Wendy Walsh: Well, didn’t you start out by telling me about that sci-fi movie about the future where the educated ones are having less babies? Here’s how it’s playing out. So, the less educated an American is, the more likely they are to marry early and have babies early, because there’s meaning in that. There’s meaning in parenthood. And if you can’t get your meaning through your education and career, you’re going to do it through family. I was the opposite, by the time I settled down to have babies. I was in my late 30s and I was like, “What? Why didn’t anybody tell me how great this was? I would never have had a career.”
On the other hand, because I’d had everything else, by the time I settled down to nurse, there was nothing going on outside my doors that I hadn’t seen or done. So, I was not interested in going out.
Brad Kearns: You weren’t torn by the incredible admin job you could have maybe had and get away from the-
Wendy Walsh: Or the night clubs and restaurants I could have got – no, it didn’t matter to me. I was just so happy to watch the eyelashes unfold and the brain develop.
Brad Kearns: Because that’s an argument for being more mature when you have your baby, so you can have the best experience as a mother.
Wendy Walsh: On the other hand, I also feel wistful that had I started earlier, I could’ve had more, because I loved it so much.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, I will have to say that I was intimidated during those years by people who had kids and I didn’t, and was pondering. I was immersed into a crazy career of being an athlete and traveling a lot, so I wasn’t a great candidate, nor was my wife at the time. And so, we would talk about it and think about it and delay it until we’re in our 30s. But I think part of that is just due to the intimidation factor of people making their quips. Like, “Oh yeah, dude, wait until … enjoy your long bike ride now because that ain’t happening.” And it was like a negative-
Wendy Walsh: You’re like afraid of parenting.
Brad Kearns: It was like a negative connotation that I now, when I realize when I entered that phase in my life, it was the most wonderful time. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, especially the ages where I dominated my son and his teammates when I coached them from third grade through eighth grade, and I was the MVP every year, just bringing the heat on these guys in soccer track, basketball. And then they passed me in high school and I was a guy in the stands clapping, which I should be. But the domination phase was great. I was scoring the most points every practice when we scrimmage.
Wendy Walsh: Beating a kid.
Brad Kearns: Oh, boy.
Wendy Walsh: I’ll never forget when my athlete daughter, who’s now 15. When she was about 10, there was a soccer field near our house and we would go on Saturday mornings, the kids and I and run around and do some exercise. And we were running around the soccer field and that was the first time I realized that she was beating me. And I have really long legs. I was so much taller, and I was like, “What?” Like it really, really bothered me that my 10-year-old could run faster.
So, I secretly started training. I’d drop her at school, and I would start running around. And she came home from school one day, she’s like, “Yeah, I saw you, running around the field there during recess. I looked over the fence and I saw you.” And I’m like, “Oh no, I’m just trying to …” She goes, “What? Do you think you’re going to beat me when I’m 11?” She goes, “Do you think you’re going to beat me when I’m 11?”
Brad Kearns: Oh, throw down.
Wendy Walsh: She goes, “I’m just getting older, just getting stronger, bigger.” I’m like, “Shut up.”
Brad Kearns: Oh my gosh.
Wendy Walsh: I never beat her again.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, I had one on one battles with my son in basketball going from whatever, fifth grade, sixth grade, seventh grade. And I started out having to back off a little more. We had a rule that I couldn’t use my height to my advantage, like just back him down and make a layup. And so, we’d play a lively game and I was worried sometimes, like was consulting with other parents, “Like should I go really hard on or should I back off?” And I was like, “No, I’m going hard. I’m going to kick this guy’s butt every time.”
Then we got to like eighth grade and he’d always want to play and I’d sometimes be too tired. “Let’s go one on one.” I’m like, “No, let’s do it next time.” “Come on.” And then when he finally beat me, he never wanted to play again. It was like we were done.
Wendy Walsh: He just needed to get over that one thing.
Brad Kearns: He just needed to get to that point. And it’s like I didn’t want to play again either because it was like, I feel like the most graceful example of aging gracefully is me, being okay with that time when … because I’m trying hard to stay in shape and hang with these eighth graders in basketball. I worked really hard and that was my fitness goal, was to get ready to go to practice and run the lines at the end and stay with them. And then, when that day comes, then you set your sight on a different goal, but it got you going throughout those years.
Wendy Walsh: But we’re fighting time. We have to always just think about our age group.
Brad Kearns: It’s inevitable and you can smile and go, “Great job, you just kicked my butt and I’m a little fired up inside, but it’s okay.”
Wendy Walsh: You just have to understand that we’re only fighting with … we’re competing with ourselves and our own given biology at any given time. That’s all it is.
Brad Kearns: Okay, so back to the biology. We had the men, one, two, three, was they were looking for youth and beauty. Maybe around seven years younger or so, or if you insist on a peer then, someone who looks young.
Wendy Walsh: Who looks young, who tricks the eye.
Brad Kearns: Second was loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty. I want to give like cues for the listener to remember. So, we got Kendrick Lamar – loyalty, number two. And then finally, kindness. I love that one.
Wendy Walsh: And kindness because in the end of the day, love is real. It’s a combination of hormones that affect our psychology and it evolved to keep people together long enough to raise some kids and get them out of the nest. So, monogamy is natural for many of us, at least for a period of time to help kids get up and out. Now, women on the other hand-
Brad Kearns: Here we go.
Wendy Walsh: They tend to look at … well, if you had to guess, what’s the number one thing women look for in a guy?
Brad Kearns: Oh, okay, I would guess something to do with-
Wendy Walsh: Be shallow, it’s true.
Brad Kearns: … status. A display of-
Wendy Walsh: Money, money, right? Resources.
Brad Kearns: Wow, resources.
Wendy Walsh: So, resources. So, again, back in our anthropological past, during the-
Brad Kearns: Mercedes-Benz, number one. Our survey said, ding, ding.
Wendy Walsh: But now, women can buy their own. But back in our anthropological past, during the vulnerable years of pregnancy and nursing, we needed a guy to bring us back protein and bring that woolly mammoth and protect us during that time. So, having status, power, resources, that’s what even the most successful women – sociologists have coined a phrase called the George Clooney Effect. Which is the more educated a woman becomes, the more money she makes. She still wants a man who’s a little older and a little richer.
Brad Kearns: Why?
Wendy Walsh: Because it’s the George Clooney Effect, she’s wired to go for resources. And it gets hard when you’re the woman making the most money, right? Women don’t like to date down financially, they don’t. So, that’s the first thing women look for.
Brad Kearns: But they do frequently, especially a high-wealth woman who is maybe … you see examples, maybe it’s troubling, but I know examples of a stay-at-home daddy where the woman’s a high-income earner and everything’s great. It seems like maybe they’re switching roles, so you could say like the-
Wendy Walsh: So, those examples exist, but they’re not necessarily what we evolve to have. Looking at an anecdotal example is not the same as looking at a culture-wide trend.
Brad Kearns: Yeah. So, you’re saying there’s this huge pressure, there’s this huge force inside the woman that is going to be wired to look for resources.
Wendy Walsh: To still look up from her place of point.
Brad Kearns: Even though she don’t need it because she rolling … She got Cardi B; she went from dollar bills, “Now I’m popping rubber bands.”
Wendy Walsh: But what happens sexually to that couple?
Brad Kearns: What happens? The lack of desire because the wiring – you’re not hitting the right wiring?
Wendy Walsh: Plenty of these men, not all. Again, there are lots of happy marriages where the woman makes more, but because our culture associates wage earning with manhood, and a lot of men are trapped in these man boxes. It’s not necessarily a good thing. I’m not saying it’s good, but it exists.
Brad Kearns: A good qualifier there.
Wendy Walsh: When a man makes less than the woman, he’s far more likely to cheat because he needs to get his manhood somehow. He needs to prove his self-identity.
Brad Kearns: So, the relationship is at odds with his genetic wiring as well to be the breadwinner?
Wendy Walsh: Right, so he needs to be the big strong man to somebody, so he meets the other moms at the park who are less than him. They’re stay-at-home moms with less and he can be the strong rich man over them.
Brad Kearns: A recipe for disaster, that one.
Wendy Walsh: I know.
Brad Kearns: Just be aware. We had Wendy’s qualifier there, reiterate that. Just be aware and you know, make it work.
Wendy Walsh: At the end of the day, all we want to be able to do is become aware of our feelings, aware of our urges and communicate them with our spouse, with a therapist, whatever. This is how we grow. I’m not saying that because evolution program this, that this is the only thing that will happen, right? This is just where instincts will take you if you’re not aware.
Brad Kearns: Well, furthermore, knowing this, we’re going to have … if we’re a great couple, we’re going to set up opportunities for the man to feel like they are-
Wendy Walsh: Right, I knew one couple that he’s a man. One couple, she made all the money, he managed all the money. So, he did the books, he paid the bills-
Brad Kearns: He bought Apple stock in the year 2000 and went up 55 times from that money you made back then.
Wendy Walsh: She would ask him for spending money for the week for her, and this works for their relationship.
Brad Kearns: Oh, that’s so cute. Awesome.
Wendy Walsh: So, there are ways that people trick the mind. It’s all about tricks. So, the second thing women look for when they’re looking for mates, status of a mate, resources is number one; intelligence is number two. Because back in our anthropological past, he may bring back the woolly mammoth one day and maybe the quarterback on the team. But next week if they enter a harsh environment and there’s no food anywhere, he better be smart enough to figure something out. In modern times, we could say, when the stock market crashes, you better find a way to make some money so that we can still survive. And you need intelligence for that.
One of the reasons why women on dating sites will often say that they love men with a good sense of humor, is that humor is a great indicator of intelligence. Because you have to have the ability to have the double entendre, you have to make the references, the timing. It’s a great indicator of intelligence.
Brad Kearns: Humor, it’s why Borat is probably the greatest transformational actor of our generation.
Wendy Walsh: So smart.
Brad Kearns: “Very smart to make this character, and to speak about-“
Wendy Walsh: Didn’t he go to Harvard or something?
Brad Kearns: Sacha? He went to Oxford, yeah.
Wendy Walsh: Like he’s brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant.
Brad Kearns: Yeah. Did you like the clip on YouTube where he was talking to the feminist panel, just asking you personally?
Wendy Walsh: Oh, I didn’t see that one.
Brad Kearns: Oh, he was doing his chauvinistic character, and talking about, “In my country, women stay in cage, just for two hours, they free and then they go back in cage.” And this woman’s like getting bent and then he keeps going and she says, “Well, if you read my book, Feminism Today, you’ll realize …” and he stops and his eyes go big and wide and he says, “You write a book, but the woman brain too small to write book.” Oh, God, it was, “This interview is over.”
Wendy Walsh: I saw his clip with Roy Moore. That was pretty funny. The pedophile detector, the guy that … it’s something.
Brad Kearns: See, smart people Borat. We’re doing a fist bump for those of you who’re listening and not watching.
Wendy Walsh: Well, I cringe because I also have a lot of empathy for people. And so, I really feel bad for them that they’re being duped by him. But as a viewer, I’m also like, “How can they be so stupid to not realize that’s Sacha Baron Cohen with the bad makeup and everything?”
Brad Kearns: Well, also, if you’re those frat boys that suit him, and because they got duped and they were making these horrible misogynistic comments and they came up pretty poorly and they’re real people in real life. But he brought it out of them. And so, I think just like the Me Too movement, it’s like, “You know what? Shame on you frat boys for saying that thing and you think it’s funny, and I don’t care if you’re drunk and that he tricked you. It doesn’t matter. You still said it, the world got to see it and now you should go live with that and not sue him. Tell him thanks for exposing you.”
Wendy Walsh: Did they win?
Brad Kearns: I don’t know, I mean, it was maybe some controversy or there was a settlement or something. Because he kind of tricks you, you sign this release right before they go on camera.
Wendy Walsh: It’s Bill Bush thing. He’s like the wingman who … I mean, this is very common in how males organize themselves. You get a beta hanging along, going, “Going along. She’s good, really great.” Before you know it, they think they’re saying what they think the alpha wants to hear and they become part of it. I mean, if I was walking down an alley at night as a woman feeling unsafe and unprotected, I would be much more worried if there were two guys than one, because they show off for each other. Even if they’re bad guys, then they show off their badness for the other.
Brad Kearns: So, we have number one – is this in rank order?
Wendy Walsh: Yes.
Brad Kearns: Resources, and then intelligence?
Wendy Walsh: Yes, and number three-
Brad Kearns: So, if the guy pulls up in the Ferrari-
Wendy Walsh: Why do you think the Ferraris exist?
Brad Kearns: Yeah, he’s got instant cred, but then if he’s a dumb ass, does the woman shut down at that point?
Wendy Walsh: Right, she’s like, “Oh, can I live with that idiot?” They go, “Well, the Ferrari’s nice, how big is the house? Is there a trust fund? What can I get through?” And if you are a woman listening and you say, “That’s not true, I’m not like that. I fall in love for love. It’s about love. How can you be so cold?” I will tell you, you’re lying. You on some deep level have those thoughts. Every woman thinks about survival. If they think about making a family with somebody, they think about everything that goes into it, including the resources.
Brad Kearns: I mean, maybe not even so much as formulating a distinct cognitive thought, but they feel it. They can’t even explain it. “Oh, he just seems right.” “Is that because he has an orange Ferrari custom-paint?” “No, he’s really sweet, all that.”
Wendy Walsh: Exactly, exactly. That’s what they do. And so, if you take a woman and you say, “Here’s this guy who’s a good looking, young, struggling actor, athlete, whatever, he doesn’t have a whole lot of money. Isn’t he gorgeous and isn’t he nice?” And they would go, “Yes, I really like him. I’d really like him.” For a short-term relationship, they would like him. Then, short, bald little paunch guy shows up with a giant trust fund and the Rolls Royce-
Brad Kearns: Funny as hit.
Wendy Walsh: Funny as shit and all of a sudden, they’re like, “Now, he, I could actually marry.” Right?
Brad Kearns: So, guys listening, oh my goodness, this is so wonderful. That resources and intelligence-
Wendy Walsh: No, but having said that, that doesn’t mean you have to make resources to get a mate. So, there are other ways. Let’s say you’re just intelligent – well, if you’re pretty intelligent, you should figure out how to make money. But if you’re just intelligent, there are other ways that you can get women because there’s a woman for everybody. There’s a man for everybody. We all fall out in may status of … you know, everybody’s a one to a 10. And now, we know it’s not just about looks. There’s a one for everybody. There’s a three to match a three and there’s a five to match a five.
Brad Kearns: Well, same with resources. The resources that I’m concerned with are food, clothing and shelter, right? Maybe I don’t aspire to this lavish lifestyle like the Kardashians, but you have a-
Wendy Walsh: And your wife maybe concerned-
Brad Kearns: … a smart, witty, school teacher who’s … you know you’re going to have a steady job that’s not going to get you on the top of the hill, but everyone’s okay with that. That’s plenty of resources. We’re not talking about excessive resources.
Wendy Walsh: No, it’s not like everybody has to be the richest because otherwise, the rest of people would have no mates, because there aren’t that many wealthy people, right? To chase down.
The third thing is, that women look for, surprise, surprise, kindness. Again, it doesn’t matter if you have a rich, a highly intelligent, sociopath, domestic violence offender, right? You want to feel safe, because the bottom line is no matter how equal men and women are intellectually, economically – women are still physically smaller than men. And any man on the planet can kill any woman on the planet. And on some unconscious level, she has to feel safe and protected. So, kindness is an indicator of that.
Brad Kearns: And also, besides the genetic hard-wiring, wants to enjoy her life and maybe there’s some injection of the happiness genetics there too, I would guess.
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, yeah. She could have happy kids.
Brad Kearns: Mia Moore, are you listening? That’s my girlfriend Mia Moore; kindness, loyalty, youth and beauty.
Wendy Walsh: She’s got it all, I’m sure.
Brad Kearns: She’s older than me and she looks way younger. I’ve been out in the sun too much or something, but yeah, that’s fantastic.
Wendy Walsh: See that’s how you fit.
Brad Kearns: So, is this, like Wendy Walsh stuff?
Wendy Walsh: No, this is Dr. David Buss at the University of Texas Austin. He’s written lots of textbooks.
Brad Kearns: Oh, that’s your guy? Okay, you’re the extractor of the information.
Wendy Walsh: I’m the mouthpiece. I read the research all day long. For Instance, I read a study yesterday that showed that – because now they’re all these algorithms on dating sites and they’re getting so much information that they could never get before about human mating, and they found that on average, people most likely select somebody who’s 25% more attractive than they are-
Brad Kearns: Oh, you mean select on the site?
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, on dating sites. But they actually have a low hit rate, right? Like the person doesn’t necessarily respond back, but people, both genders do it, about 25%. And then they looked at mating strategies, like those that are funny or show their resources or whatever. And does that help them get somebody who’s … because everybody wants to date out of their league. Everybody, men and women. We all want to have a price. We want to have somebody we look up to, who we think, “I scored. I got somebody better than me, and I tricked them into staying with little old me.” And both genders have that thought at all times.
What the research showed is that certain kind of mating strategies have only modest success. So, in other words, if you’re actually looking for a mate and you’re right at your fertility window and you’ve got to get this done, don’t be clicking on guys that are out of your league.
Brad Kearns: But the definition of out of your league is so subjective. I mean, I guess the ideal couple would think that we’re out of each other’s league, right? I’m so enamored with my girlfriend. She has incredible relationship skills and she’s in many ways out of my league because I don’t have as much emotional stability or whatever, those things that I admire so much in her. And maybe, hopefully that I seem like a good guy too, who she has laudable qualities that she can go, “Wow, that guy’s got his act together on this, this and this level,” and we both feel like we’re in the big leagues, let’s say.
Wendy Walsh: Right, and that’s how it should be. In a healthy relationship, both people think they got a price.
Brad Kearns: Oh, that’s so cute.
Wendy Walsh: And they’re getting away with something. And she probably feels the same way about you for whatever reason.
Brad Kearns: Right. So, I want you to be a regular recurring guest on the show because we have so many directions we can go. I know we got to wrap this up and get to cheerleading, competitive cheerleading practice.
Wendy Walsh: Not mine, my daughters, yeah. Let’s be honest.
Brad Kearns: You’re going to go do that side workout while she’s cheerleading?
Wendy Walsh: No, I actually have to do some work for my students because we’re near the beginning of the school year. I teach health psychology and developmental psychology. So, I’ve got to get my – what do they call it online? The classes online-
Brad Kearns: Your syllabus, your curriculum.
Wendy Walsh: The syllabus submitted and all that.
Brad Kearns: Where are you teaching?
Wendy Walsh: I teach at Cal State Channel Islands, which is also in Camarillo.
Brad Kearns: Right, so you’ll teach a class while she’s doing cheerleading?
Wendy Walsh: During the school year, yes. I have another like two weeks before classes actually start. But generally, I drop her at cheer and then over to campus, teach for the evening and then go back and pick her up, so it works out okay.
Brad Kearns: So, how should we best connect with you?
Wendy Walsh: I am online everywhere. I am open, open, open, open, everything. The handle on all my social media is @drwendywalsh – Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, whatever, everywhere. And my website is drwendywalsh.com.
Brad Kearns: So, what about you when you’re finding yourself in a dating situation? Does the person need to get over this idea that you’re America’s relationship expert kind of thing?
Wendy Walsh: No, I mean I will say this, I was a single mother for more than a decade and kept myself off the mating market because I wanted my kids to survive. And I read the statistics on single mothers and kid success and it was disturbing to me. Honestly, one of the most dangerous places for a child to live is in a home with a nonbiologically related male. Mommy’s boyfriend, stepbrother, stepdad, whatever. Eight times the rate of sex abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse, because guys don’t care about somebody else’s offspring.
Remember again, in our evolutionary past, if you look at chimpanzees who share 98% of our DNA, if they see a mother with a baby, the first thing they do, is kill that baby, so that she’ll ovulate and they can have access to her and mate.
Brad Kearns: Like grizzly bears too. My friend just got back from shooting the grizzly bears. Eric’s brother, the guy who induced me to you sort of. Yeah, he was saying that they’re doing that. I never knew that.
Wendy Walsh: And so, it’s not a far fetch to say that there are men out there.
Brad Kearns: That’s harsh, but maybe at some tiny level, that has an impact on the child’s emotional development.
Wendy Walsh: And the other thing that’s bad for kids is a revolving door of parental figures. And so, I just kept myself off the mating market for a decade and I think my investment in my kids was fine because my kid got into Harvard. I won the single mother lottery. And so, I just started sort of getting back into things. And the men who are interested in me are really smart guys. So, they like to be stimulated and they liked this information.
Brad Kearns: They’re fascinated. You talk about it with fascination and whatever.
Wendy Walsh: Yeah, and also, every human being across the lifespan. And I should say that we should not look at duration as the only litmus test for relationship success. Remember, if a relationship is a gymnasium for our mind, sometimes we grow pretty fast if it’s a big piece of weight equipment and we’re like, “Whoa, got to advance out of that gym fast.” Remember this, that “when till death do us part” was invented, death was pretty imminent. And so, because of our increasing life expectancy that even the most monogamous of humans may have two or even three long stints of monogamy across their lifespan, and in between sometime of mate selection, which we call dating.
If you were married in 1900 and professed to stay together until death do you part, do you know what the average length of that marriage was?
Brad Kearns: Right. You were going to live till you were 43 or something.
Wendy Walsh: It’s 12 years. It’s 12 years. If you got married in 1990, not 1900, in 1990, and you profess till death do us part. Do you know what the average length of that marriage was?
Brad Kearns: Oh boy.
Wendy Walsh: 12 years.
Brad Kearns: That’s the average.
Wendy Walsh: Nothing’s changed. The difference is we’re separating because of divorce, not because of death. But using like this litmus test – when I hear people say, “Oh, that marriage failed,” or, “That’s not going to work out,” I’m like, “Well, wait, it is all a workout from the first date. The question is, have you learned enough before you move on?”
We also know that we have the widest range of sexual behavior of any primate. And some people are very monogamous and some people are not, have multiple partners. Some people are serial monogamous. I mean, and we just have to stop using duration because we also know people who have stayed together for a really long time who are really unhappy and you’re like, “Why do they even stay together? They’re going to kill each other.” Or they’re like living like to stranger roommates in a place. There’s no intimacy. Right? So, there are all kinds of relationships.
So, to answer your question, I’ve just sort of gotten back into things and I’m loving it. I’m having a ball because I am smart about it.
Brad Kearns: Yeah, you’ve got a problem with that? Then forget it, pass. Yeah, it’s great.
Wendy Walsh: I am such a good communicator now. Like when you’re in your 20s, you’re afraid to talk about stuff and now it’s like, I teach my students for instance, how to … part of my health class is sexual health of course. So, I teach them how to have conversations about condoms and I’m like, “If you can’t talk about sex, you shouldn’t be having sex.” So, I think I’m a breath of fresh air to people. Because I’m like, “Okay, let’s talk about sex.” And they’re like, “Whoa, what?” “No, you have to talk about these things.”
Brad Kearns: Nice.
Wendy Walsh: And also, we’re all of a different age now. I’m of a certain age where sexuality takes on a different kind of role than in our 20s. There are some physical things that can happen to people. Like one third of men over 50 have some erectile issues and there’s some work arounds.
Brad Kearns: And we’re going to do some work arounds on the next show.
Wendy Walsh: That’s right.
Brad Kearns: Wendy Walsh, bringing the heat. Thank you so much.
Wendy Walsh: Thank you, nice to meet you.
Brad Kearns: What a fine conversation. Oh, my gosh.
Wendy Walsh: Next time, I’ll be here.
Brad Kearns: Let’s talk about probiotics from Entegro Health. Do you want me to sing the messages? Nah. But probiotics are an extremely important concept. Hopefully, you’re all in on the values, the benefits of nourishing a healthy gut microbiome, so you can flourish in life. And that’s the name of Entegro’s product; Flourish – a unique, extremely potent living liquid probiotic. Yes, it’s liquid form. How is it different from other probiotics we usually see in pills? This is the message from Entegro.
Microbes continue to thrive and metabolize in their own [mil-u 01:13:45]. Do you like when companies use the word “mil-u” to describe their product.? I do. These include short chain fatty acids, bioactive peptides, amino acids, enzymes, and minerals. The liquid base makes it acid stable, so microbes can survive the stomach environment and transit to the lower GI tract for integration to give you a healthy gut microbiome.
There’s 11 different strains in this thing, carefully hand-cultivated in the laboratory with precision to deliver 8 billion total CFU. Why take probiotics? Come on, do you have to ask? It’s going to strengthen your immune function, reduce systemic inflammation (the root cause of all disease), improve digestion, promote bowel regularity, relieve gas and bloating, get you going again after illness or antibiotic use.
That’s me, because I first got this shipment the very day I returned home from a Mexican vacation and had a stomach illness once again. What a bummer? So sad, because I love going down south, but I needed to repair and return to action quickly. So, I started guzzling this stuff and had a wonderful return to health. I’m a very enthusiastic user, and will be over the long run because I need all the help I can get. I don’t know about you when we’re talking about our routine usage of antibiotics, the stress we put on our system and in the environment every single day.
I especially notice my gut health is compromised when I engage in overly intensive athletic training, have trouble recovering. My gut is the first thing to go. So, this is my go-to product, the Flourish probiotic in liquid form. Try It yourself. I love the delicious root beer float flavor. Just kidding, man. This stuff is no funny business. This is the real deal. It’s very potent. It tastes fine, it goes down okay. But no root beer float flavors, sorry. Take it, you’ll love it. Go look at Entegrohealth.com for more information, and to order shipped directly to your door in its unique liquid form; Flourish.
Hey listeners, here’s a wild idea -eat good, clean, delicious, sustainably raised meat. That’s why we’re going to talk about Wild Idea Buffalo; 100% grass-fed and finished meat. These are animals that lived a fabulous healthy life out there on the great plains of South Dakota. Look at their website wildideabuffalo.com, and the homepage picture is going to blow your mind. These beautiful animals out grazing.
You probably know or have a basic awareness of the distinct contrast between the horrible, miserable feedlot existence of the conventionally raised animal, a grain-based diet filled with hormones, pesticides, antibiotics, and a body filled with stress hormones when they slaughter it violently. You may not want me to go deeper here, but I will. anyway. This is a quote from Jared Chrisman, primal health coach who’s in tight with the Wild Idea Buffalo people, introduced us. Thank you, Jared.
He says, “Slaughterhouse animals have been taken out of their natural environment and trailered to a feedlot where they stand in their own faeces, eating corn grain. And in some instances, expired human food like cookies and candy, sometimes with the wrapper still on. Then, once the animals are sufficiently fattened up, they trailer them again, putting them under more stress and they put them in shoots and kill them in mass quantities without regard to the animal’s wellbeing.”
So, this concept of having stress hormones running through the bloodstream as any hunter will tell you, is bad news. If you don’t get a clean shot on an animal and it suffers before it dies, you’re going to have a meat that doesn’t taste as good and has less nutritional value.
Then we have the contrast of the natural life of the Wild Idea Buffalo, whose diet is basically water, grass and sunshine. And supporting this goal of sustainability, they call it Beyond Organic. The company’s mission to let them graze on the pasture, not ruin the native lands of America, but just be in harmony with the environment.
When you taste an animal that’s been sustainably raised, you will notice a difference even if you’re a less sophisticated consumer like me, who just eats food for energy my whole life and goes out there and trains. Of course, a little different now. But when I consume a pastured egg with that bright orange yolk, or when I bite into a grass-fed steak or some Buffalo Burger, which is one of the greatest meals. So simple to prepare, try it yourself. Give them a chance. I know you will be extremely pleased with the quality of food that you get from wildideabuffalo.com.
Here’s what you do, follow Brad’s instructions carefully. Visit wildideabuffalo.com and hit the order button. They have organized everything for you with beautiful pictures. Click on monthly specials. Try their bundles, so you get free shipping. If you’re on a budget, hit the ground bison and burger section. They have all these different flavors and packages. And if you have pets and you care about them, you’ll click on the pet food section and order up for those beautiful animals too. They deserve to eat healthy food instead of garbage in a bag. Wildideabuffalo.com, check it out today. Thank you for listening.